Sex and the older person

[rousseau]

My point was more towards the fact that there is a much different mind-set between someone who hasn't had any physical intimacy in multiple years, or if not, a very long time, and someone who has it regularly. Sure we all think about sex, but the regularity with which we have it or have had it, is going to change our outlook on it.

In other words, someone who's just spent 14 years having regular sex is probably more likely to forego buying a prostitute, than someone who hasn't had it in five years.

I don't know that you are correct. Personally, I cannot imagine buying sex from a prostitute for multiple reasons, gender being the least of these. Certainly there are plenty of married men who have sex with their wives and also seek out the services of a prostitute. Sure, there are those who seek out prostitutes because that is their only option for sex but not all customers of prostitutes have been in some kind of enforced celibacy.

Sure, I'm not claiming that this is always the reason people seek out prostitutes, just that there are good odds that it's the most common one, or at the very least a common reason. Which getting back to the discussion with Loren Pechtel, is why sex with a prostitute is worth it to some people.

More generally, though, it's probably due to sexual dissatisfaction, which can be due to a number of reasons, celibacy being one of them.

 

[southernhybrid]

I do think that some married men do pay for sex, perhaps for more variety or because something forbidden can be more exciting. My brother in law told my husband that he had sex with a prostitute once when he was in Europe. That was over 20 years ago. I suspect that this wasn't the only time he did this. He is a very conservative "family man" who helped raise his two step daughters and was the financial provider for his family. So, I guess I wouldn't make assumptions about who might want to pay for sex. Sure, some do it out of desperation and others do it for the excitement of doing something different or forbidden.

Some women cheat for the same reason, I guess, but it's probably more likely that married women cheat because they aren't getting the emotional and/or sexual satisfaction from their spouses. I never cheated on my ex, but I sure was tempted. It wasn't because we didn't have sex quite often, it was because he was emotionally dull, and loveless. I needed to feel loved and appreciated, which is something I never had with him. I have all of that and more now.

 

[Bronzeage]

I do think that some married men do pay for sex, perhaps for more variety or because something forbidden can be more exciting. My brother in law told my husband that he had sex with a prostitute once when he was in Europe. That was over 20 years ago. I suspect that this wasn't the only time he did this. He is a very conservative "family man" who helped raise his two step daughters and was the financial provider for his family. So, I guess I wouldn't make assumptions about who might want to pay for sex. Sure, some do it out of desperation and others do it for the excitement of doing something different or forbidden.

Some women cheat for the same reason, I guess, but it's probably more likely that married women cheat because they aren't getting the emotional and/or sexual satisfaction from their spouses. I never cheated on my ex, but I sure was tempted. It wasn't because we didn't have sex quite often, it was because he was emotionally dull, and loveless. I needed to feel loved and appreciated, which is something I never had with him. I have all of that and more now.

The problem of cheating is it requires desire and opportunity to align with risk and reward. There are plenty of married couples who have been faithful, in a physical sense, only because they never had a chance to cheat without fear of being discovered.

There are a small number of people, men and women, who cheat because they need constant reassurance of their attractiveness. Thankfully, that kind of person is rare and can be recognized by their history of intense but short lived romances.

The root cause of the great majority of cheating is resentment. When a person feels like the relationship is out of balance and their partner is contributing less than they are, resentment sets in.

One of the fundamental principles of a relationship, which many people never understand, a relationship is a set of mutual demands. We demand things from out partner and they demand things from us. Most of these demands are easily met, such as the one about not having sex with other people.

What this means in the real world is, in a relationship, you have the right to demand anything you want. This shocks some people, but why would anyone stay in a relationship filled with things you don't want? The critical point is to voice your demands, and only demand things you really want. Unvoiced demands result in dissatisfaction and quickly leads to resentment. Resentment erodes a relationship and instead of addressing the problem, a person seeks compensation outside the relationship. It's a temporary solution, but it's so efficient.

A person can spend 6 days in an unhappy relationship, coming home every evening to no joy, which sounds miserable, but the thought of a few hours away with their lover, makes it bearable. One of the signs that your partner maybe cheating is that they have become easier to get along with and more affectionate at home.

 

[ruby sparks]

I do think that some married men do pay for sex, perhaps for more variety or because something forbidden can be more exciting. My brother in law told my husband that he had sex with a prostitute once when he was in Europe. That was over 20 years ago. I suspect that this wasn't the only time he did this. He is a very conservative "family man" who helped raise his two step daughters and was the financial provider for his family. So, I guess I wouldn't make assumptions about who might want to pay for sex. Sure, some do it out of desperation and others do it for the excitement of doing something different or forbidden.

Some women cheat for the same reason, I guess, but it's probably more likely that married women cheat because they aren't getting the emotional and/or sexual satisfaction from their spouses. I never cheated on my ex, but I sure was tempted. It wasn't because we didn't have sex quite often, it was because he was emotionally dull, and loveless. I needed to feel loved and appreciated, which is something I never had with him. I have all of that and more now.

Generalisations are.....funny things. On the one hand, they're useful for appreciating overall patterns, but on the other hand, they won't necessarily say anything about an individual case, because there's always overlap 'between the two bell curves' (for the two sexes, by and large, in this case). So something might be more true or true more often for men but there will be some women for whom it is true also, and vice versa. So, as I'm sure everyone here already appreciates, we should be careful when either generalising, and/or when drawing conclusions from specific cases.

Anyhows, those caveats accepted, it seems to me, subjectively, that yes, men generally might often tend to cheat for slightly different reasons than women. A typical male cheater might be seeking novelty, variety, another notch on his bedpost and not seeking any sort of commitment (and not wanting to leave his marriage either, just to have 'something on the side', to have his cake and eat it). A typical woman might be seeking something more emotional, possibly involving more commitment (typically 'not one night stands') and possibly a woman is more likely to be open to the possibility of the affair leading, eventually, to her leaving her existing prior relationship and starting a new exclusive one with the lover.

Before you shoot me down for stereotyping, please bear in mind that I am exercising the mental caution I advocated at the start of this post.

 

[Emily Lake]

Parts is parts, after all and when you get right down to it, the mechanics are kind of ridiculous, especially if reproduction is off the table.

This phrase really cracked me up!

 

[Toni]

My point was more towards the fact that there is a much different mind-set between someone who hasn't had any physical intimacy in multiple years, or if not, a very long time, and someone who has it regularly. Sure we all think about sex, but the regularity with which we have it or have had it, is going to change our outlook on it.

In other words, someone who's just spent 14 years having regular sex is probably more likely to forego buying a prostitute, than someone who hasn't had it in five years.

I don't know that you are correct. Personally, I cannot imagine buying sex from a prostitute for multiple reasons, gender being the least of these. Certainly there are plenty of married men who have sex with their wives and also seek out the services of a prostitute. Sure, there are those who seek out prostitutes because that is their only option for sex but not all customers of prostitutes have been in some kind of enforced celibacy.

Sure, I'm not claiming that this is always the reason people seek out prostitutes, just that there are good odds that it's the most common one, or at the very least a common reason. Which getting back to the discussion with Loren Pechtel, is why sex with a prostitute is worth it to some people.

More generally, though, it's probably due to sexual dissatisfaction, which can be due to a number of reasons, celibacy being one of them.

I think loneliness is a huge factor.

And if I'm going all political, I'd say that the desire to be able to call all the shots, to be in control, to reduce sexual intimacy to a monetary transaction is another big factor.

 

[ruby sparks]

And if I'm going all political, I'd say that the desire to be able to call all the shots, to be in control, to reduce sexual intimacy to a monetary transaction is another big factor.

Without wanting to 'go all political', I could agree that males do seem to want and like 'power' more often than females do, generally, with all the caveats about generalities and bell curves previously mentioned. My guess is that that's at least partly a biological point as well as a cultural/political one.