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Things that make you laugh...

So, the office conversation revolved to 'who was bravest?'
Some military heroes were offered, then someone suggested that old chestnut, "The first man to devour an oyster raw."
That theme got tossed around for a while, then someone suggested, "The first to try milk from a cow."

"No," I said, "that wasn't bravery. Probably, some guy with a cow fetish got caught, and quickly thought up, 'It's, uh, nutritious... And good for your, um, your bones."

Now three coworkers are no longer able to put cream in their coffee...

I'm reminded of a scene in one of O'Brian's Aubry/Maturin books.

A sailor is caught doing the dirty with the ship's goat. The penalty for sodomy is hanging, but Maturin thinking that's unnecessarily harsh, says something like, "Why don't you just put the man and the goat ashore. Or on separate shores, if you have moral qualms."

When the steward asks if they'd like milk for their coffee, they, embarrassed, decline.

I miss Patrick O'Brian. When I discovered that series, I devoured it, reading a book every day and a half until the series ran out... and the food-related passages were the BEST!
Spotted Dick, anyone?

You read so much faster than I do. The fact that my wife and I read these aloud is only part of the problem.
 
I work for a military contractor. Quite a big presence of former military in the building.

So the company puts on a special breakfast for veterans on or about Veterans' Day.

I'm with the early risers looking over the free donuts. Someone asked if anyone got 'thanks for your service' on Sunday.

I mentioned that my son's teddy bear, Cinnamon, came downstairs to thank me.
1 coworker: Aw, that's sweet.
2 coworker: Hey, that's adorable.
3 coworker: Um... Isn't your son twenty?
Me: Twenty four.
3 coworker: Isn't that a little... old... for teddy bears?
Me: So, you don't want to hear what my wife's teddy bear said to me?

Probably just as well. Cocoa can be a little sarcastic.
 
I miss Patrick O'Brian. When I discovered that series, I devoured it, reading a book every day and a half until the series ran out... and the food-related passages were the BEST!
Spotted Dick, anyone?

You read so much faster than I do. The fact that my wife and I read these aloud is only part of the problem.

Oh, I do so wish that my wife would have tolerated that! Those books are rife with embedded humor and historical sarcasm, much of which I am sure I missed by being so enraptured with the stories, which at the end of the day, are almost irrelevant to the value of the series. I don't suppose you or your wife would like to read them aloud to me? :)
 
I don't suppose you or your wife would like to read them aloud to me? :)

The audiobook reader, Patric Tull, is great reader. Really superb.

There's another reader too, I don't remember his name. He came aboard when Tull had throat cancer. But then Tull got better and redid that book. I think the other guy went on and redid at least some of the books Tull had done. The other guy is fine, be we adore Tull. And the point of this story is that if you're buying O'Brian audios, you'll want to avoid getting some by one reader and some by the other; you'll want a given character's voice to be recognizable from one book to the next. So you have to pay attention when buying, to make sure you've got the same reader for this book as you had for the last one.
 
I work for a military contractor. Quite a big presence of former military in the building.

So the company puts on a special breakfast for veterans on or about Veterans' Day.

I'm with the early risers looking over the free donuts. Someone asked if anyone got 'thanks for your service' on Sunday.

I mentioned that my son's teddy bear, Cinnamon, came downstairs to thank me.
1 coworker: Aw, that's sweet.
2 coworker: Hey, that's adorable.
3 coworker: Um... Isn't your son twenty?
Me: Twenty four.
3 coworker: Isn't that a little... old... for teddy bears?
Me: So, you don't want to hear what my wife's teddy bear said to me?

Probably just as well. Cocoa can be a little sarcastic.

Ted, my teddy bear, is still upset that Bilby doesn’t always say good night to him.

- - - Updated - - -

CB1C1BBF-1366-4BC3-BA56-B6E96667CED2.jpeg
 
Rule of unintended consequences...

A very conservative coworker got on a tirade. Some woman took her husband to court, alleging rape among other things.
He insists that one CANNOT rape a spouse. It is a contract. She took a vow to have sex with her husband. Husband can demand sex whenever he wants.
It is her responsibility to announce her period, but then it's his choice if he wants to continue.

That's interesting, considering the other statements he has made...

"So, Let's Call You William, the husband can always demand sex?"
"Yes. If she doesn't want to have sex with him, she shouldn't marry him. Or she should divorce. But until the divorce is final, it's not rape."
"Okay. And you divorced your wife last month?"
"Yes. But not because of sex...anything."
"Right, right. But you're dating, now?"
"Yes."
"Okay. So imagine you meet Ms. Right. The perfect woman. Compatible, friendly, works at a brewery, independently wealthy... It all goes well and you get married."
"Okay."
"And on your wedding night, she reveals that she used to be a man. She has all the right parts NOW, but she was, once, male."
"Ew!"
"Right. Now, you've said that men who get that surgery are still men afterwards, right? So technically, that's your husband."
"NO, no, no, no! The marriage was a fraud! He lied!"
"Maybe. I'm not saying you can't get it annulled in the court. But RIGHT THEN, that's your husband, according to you. So until you get the annulment or the divorce, he can demand sex from you."
"No, I don't want to have sex like that!"
"But you JUST SAID-"
"That would be sex against my will! That'd be rape!"
"Not according to you. Your husband-"
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
"Your legally wed spouse can demand sexual favors. And let's say it turns out she played halfback for the Patriots... She gets you into a headlock. YOU say that what happens next isn't rape."

He is rethinking his position on the matter.
 
Rule of unintended consequences...

A very conservative coworker got on a tirade. Some woman took her husband to court, alleging rape among other things.
He insists that one CANNOT rape a spouse. It is a contract. She took a vow to have sex with her husband. Husband can demand sex whenever he wants.
It is her responsibility to announce her period, but then it's his choice if he wants to continue.

That's interesting, considering the other statements he has made...

"So, Let's Call You William, the husband can always demand sex?"
"Yes. If she doesn't want to have sex with him, she shouldn't marry him. Or she should divorce. But until the divorce is final, it's not rape."
"Okay. And you divorced your wife last month?"
"Yes. But not because of sex...anything."
"Right, right. But you're dating, now?"
"Yes."
"Okay. So imagine you meet Ms. Right. The perfect woman. Compatible, friendly, works at a brewery, independently wealthy... It all goes well and you get married."
"Okay."
"And on your wedding night, she reveals that she used to be a man. She has all the right parts NOW, but she was, once, male."
"Ew!"
"Right. Now, you've said that men who get that surgery are still men afterwards, right? So technically, that's your husband."
"NO, no, no, no! The marriage was a fraud! He lied!"
"Maybe. I'm not saying you can't get it annulled in the court. But RIGHT THEN, that's your husband, according to you. So until you get the annulment or the divorce, he can demand sex from you."
"No, I don't want to have sex like that!"
"But you JUST SAID-"
"That would be sex against my will! That'd be rape!"
"Not according to you. Your husband-"
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
"Your legally wed spouse can demand sexual favors. And let's say it turns out she played halfback for the Patriots... She gets you into a headlock. YOU say that what happens next isn't rape."

He is rethinking his position on the matter.

He actually is rethinking it? That's amazing!
 
He actually is rethinking it? That's amazing!
Well, he's thinking it over.
He MAY be thinking about a better way to phrase it, such that 'a husband OF A NON PERVERTED MARRIAGE can always...'

Or he may be thinking about never talking to me again. Which is also a win...

I was just hoping to get him to think there may be good reasons not to want to have sex 24/7. I mean, hypothetically.
 
https://twitter.com/existentialcoms/status/1063522376325840897

Existential Comics on Twitter said:
What philosophers dreamed of accomplishing:
500 BC: understanding everything
300: understanding virtue.
1100: understanding God.
1700: understanding even a single thing.
1950: understanding just how say something that makes sense.
2018: I don't know, to get my article published?
 
He actually is rethinking it? That's amazing!
Well, he's thinking it over.
He MAY be thinking about a better way to phrase it, such that 'a husband OF A NON PERVERTED MARRIAGE can always...'

Or he may be thinking about never talking to me again. Which is also a win...

I was just hoping to get him to think there may be good reasons not to want to have sex 24/7. I mean, hypothetically.

Cramps.
 
Ran across this online
Hold my beer.png
Good advice, but my immediate thought was, "this man has never been in the military."
 
There was a married couple at the supermarket today. At least, i have to assume they were married. He led, she followed with the cart.
About every twenty feet, he garbbed something off the shelf. "We could get this!" he cheerfully announced, putting it in the cart.
When the wife reached the spot on the shelf, she said, "Or not," and put it back. They did this in the cereal aisle. They did this in the snacks aisle. I lost track of them for a while, but they did it in the soda aisle.

There were 67 items on my shopping list and i reached the checkout lane at the same time they went to the 15 items or less lane...
 
There were 67 items on my shopping list and i reached the checkout lane at the same time they went to the 15 items or less lane...

How many items did they have?
I've never seen anyone who has waited in line at the <=15 lane get kicked out of it...
 
I know a woman who is taking care of her husband who is sliding into Alzheimer's. She tells stories much like this one. She tries to keep him mentally engaged, but has to be patient when he starts acting like a toddler from time to time.
 
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