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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
"Keith, what does conjecture mean?"
"Guess."
"It's not like i'm asking you to help with my homework, jackass, i just don't know a fucking word!"
Click to expand...

Well, I'm sure any native speaker who is old enough to be expected to understand "conjecture" knows several profane words for the reproductive act! :)
 
Loren Pechtel said:
Keith&Co. said:
"Keith, what does conjecture mean?"
"Guess."
"It's not like i'm asking you to help with my homework, jackass, i just don't know a fucking word!"
Click to expand...

Well, I'm sure any native speaker who is old enough to be expected to understand "conjecture" knows several profane words for the reproductive act! :)
Click to expand...
Everyone in the conversation is a former sailor, so, fuck yeah.
 
I have a grand-daughter. 7 days old.
She does not fuss when grandpa holds her. Just curls up, makes little fists, and snoozes.
Okay, full disclosure, she doesn't fuss when either grandparent hold her, but Grandma &Co. doesn't crow about it.

I was holding the little Weeker when mama decided she would hold the baby so i could eat dinner. Baby instantly made noises, squirmed, spat out the pacifier.
I said, 'not saying it's significant, but when _I_ held her, she was quiet for an hour.'
Mama didn't SAY anything, but she did gesture to invite me to go have sex with the wall.
But then, next time i offered to hold her, Mom quickly and easily handed the baby right over to grandMA. A worthy opponent....
 
The morning we left our hotel, it was 0600 and fucking dark. I glanced up, and the arrangement of room windows lighted and unlighted, struck me as resembling a punch card.
My wife and i both used punched tape and/or punch cards during our enlistments, so i pointed it out to her. She agreed.
Finished packjng the car, looked up again. Wondered if it would be TOO nerdy to tell her i figured out which floor was the parity bit?
Before i could decide, she turned to ke and asked, 'Did you notice it's odd parity?'

I dunno if souls exist, but i know i found my soulmate.
 
Overheard: "Now I am not a physicist, not by any means, but I have been taught by people who have studied with people who work closely with physicists."

Yeah, if you're going to talk about physics, make sure actual physicists are at least six degrees away from you.
 
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My division had our annual post-holiday party. I ended up at a table with a coworker who served on my first sub with me. He decides to embarrass me, just a bit. There ARE choices i made 38 years ago that i would regret reliving today, esp. with my manager and my wife at the table, but he chose...
The Time Keith Shaved His Eyebrows.

This is not embarrassing. I trimmed my eyebrows just a bit each day to see if anyone noticed. No one seemed to. So one day i just shaved them off entirely. But i wore those thick, Navy-issue eyeglasses. Clark Kent style. So no one could quite tell the difference.
I kept getting weird looks. "Did you get a haircut?" "No." "Well, you look different...somehow."

Someone finally figured it out, told on me. I got to talk to several officers. Then they let it go.

A month later, Weps was giving his annual training to the crew on security concerns. INcluded 'The Personnel Reliability Program, or PRP, which has every member of the program watching the other members. There were key words, tricky phrases, 'triggers,' if you will, for suspicious behavior that might indicate a security risk.
He puts the transparency up on the screen listing 'Bizarre Behavior.'
In every watch section he gave the training to, someone asked, "You mean like shaving your eyebrows off?"
"No," he replied each time. "If that had been ANYONE ELSE, it would have been bizarre behavior. But when Petty Officer Keith did it, we, uh, we just were glad it wasn't right in front of an inspector."
 
During the Sydney 2000 Olympics, I was still living at home and in my second year of Uni. My parents made the decision that most sane Sydney-siders had at the time and got the fuck out of there, specifically take a holiday to the States to meet up with some old friends who moved there and now live in Spokane. I was a uni student with no money, given the opportunity of a free holiday so of course I tagged along. In my youth, I was kinda a dick (surprising, I know). As a prank, I convinced the daughter of Old Friend's neighbours that because of Australia's commitment to the Kyoto Protocols, the Government is rolling out the legal use of riding kangaroos to work, with the intent of reducing greenhouse gas emissions. The internet was a relatively new thing and the early 2000s was a much more innocent time.

These guys are my new heroes:
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCGUNpzjD6M[/youtube]
 
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My company just published a reminder that certain things are prohibited in the spaces.
Seems that Facilities personnel have noticed some heating pads, space heaters, coffee pots, all of which need specific permission before bringing into the offices. And, you know, fine. I'm okay with needing to show a medical necessity to have a space heater or whatever.

But the list also includes
o Grills (gas, electric, charcoal, or other)
Click to expand...
.

I'm fascinated by the story behind why someone had to WRITE DOWN that you shouldn't bring fire rocks into work to set them on fire on or near the desk. Plus, I've never WANTED a grill in my cubicle.

At least, i didn't. now that i know it's prohibited, i know right where i'd put the hibachi.... I also can smell the steak cooking. Dammit.
 
Keith&Co. said:
My company just published a reminder that certain things are prohibited in the spaces.
Seems that Facilities personnel have noticed some heating pads, space heaters, coffee pots, all of which need specific permission before bringing into the offices. And, you know, fine. I'm okay with needing to show a medical necessity to have a space heater or whatever.

But the list also includes
o Grills (gas, electric, charcoal, or other)
Click to expand...
.

I'm fascinated by the story behind why someone had to WRITE DOWN that you shouldn't bring fire rocks into work to set them on fire on or near the desk. Plus, I've never WANTED a grill in my cubicle.

At least, i didn't. now that i know it's prohibited, i know right where i'd put the hibachi.... I also can smell the steak cooking. Dammit.
Click to expand...

I'm going to guess someone brought an electric grill for a party.
 
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: *turns and slowly walks out*
 
Loren Pechtel said:
Keith&Co. said:
My company just published a reminder that certain things are prohibited in the spaces.
Seems that Facilities personnel have noticed some heating pads, space heaters, coffee pots, all of which need specific permission before bringing into the offices. And, you know, fine. I'm okay with needing to show a medical necessity to have a space heater or whatever.

But the list also includes
o Grills (gas, electric, charcoal, or other)
Click to expand...
.

I'm fascinated by the story behind why someone had to WRITE DOWN that you shouldn't bring fire rocks into work to set them on fire on or near the desk. Plus, I've never WANTED a grill in my cubicle.

At least, i didn't. now that i know it's prohibited, i know right where i'd put the hibachi.... I also can smell the steak cooking. Dammit.
Click to expand...

I'm going to guess someone brought an electric grill for a party.
Click to expand...
Turns out no. They were just spitballing that line.
But what someone DID bring to work, here, this building, was a lava lamp... Several lava lamps. I thought we outlived the Lava Lamp craze?
Didn't we?
 
Bought my wife flowers, had them delivered to her work.
Impressed her coworkers, esp. when they learned it's not her birthday or our anniversary. Just Because.

MY coworkers are all scandalized.
"What's the occasion?" "Nuthin'."
"What did you do, then?" "Nuthin'."
"God, my wife would yell at me for wasting money on flowers!"
"I'd yell at my husband for spending money like that!"
"I'd get in so much trouble..."

And I'm just, "Well, _I_ got brownie points, so you doomsayers can just fuck off with yourselves."
 
Keith&Co. said:
My company just published a reminder that certain things are prohibited in the spaces.
Seems that Facilities personnel have noticed some heating pads, space heaters, coffee pots, all of which need specific permission before bringing into the offices. And, you know, fine. I'm okay with needing to show a medical necessity to have a space heater or whatever.

But the list also includes
o Grills (gas, electric, charcoal, or other)
Click to expand...
.
Click to expand...
1) Other?
2) So you need to bring in an electric skillet.

Next Monday updates:
- No Grills
- No Skillets

3) Bring in waffle maker

Next Monday updates:
- No Grills
- No Skillets
- No heating implements

4) Bring in electric blender

Next Monday updates:
- No Keith&Co's.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
Keith&Co. said:
My company just published a reminder that certain things are prohibited in the spaces.
Seems that Facilities personnel have noticed some heating pads, space heaters, coffee pots, all of which need specific permission before bringing into the offices. And, you know, fine. I'm okay with needing to show a medical necessity to have a space heater or whatever.

But the list also includes
o Grills (gas, electric, charcoal, or other)
Click to expand...
.
Click to expand...
1) Other?
2) So you need to bring in an electric skillet.

Next Monday updates:
Click to expand...
Next Monday?
Yeah, we react that quickly to stimuli.
I'm at least 10 years from retirement, and there's a good chance i could outrace such an update.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Bought my wife flowers, had them delivered to her work.
Impressed her coworkers, esp. when they learned it's not her birthday or our anniversary. Just Because.

MY coworkers are all scandalized.
"What's the occasion?" "Nuthin'."
"What did you do, then?" "Nuthin'."
"God, my wife would yell at me for wasting money on flowers!"
"I'd yell at my husband for spending money like that!"
"I'd get in so much trouble..."

And I'm just, "Well, _I_ got brownie points, so you doomsayers can just fuck off with yourselves."
Click to expand...

My money would be on you're horny.
 
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