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Things that make you laugh...

ZiprHead said:
Keith&Co. said:
Bought my wife flowers, had them delivered to her work.
Impressed her coworkers, esp. when they learned it's not her birthday or our anniversary. Just Because.

MY coworkers are all scandalized.
"What's the occasion?" "Nuthin'."
"What did you do, then?" "Nuthin'."
"God, my wife would yell at me for wasting money on flowers!"
"I'd yell at my husband for spending money like that!"
"I'd get in so much trouble..."

And I'm just, "Well, _I_ got brownie points, so you doomsayers can just fuck off with yourselves."
Click to expand...

My money would be on you're horny.
Click to expand...
Well, yeah.
That's not the primary motivation but... Yeah.
 
created a short tutorial on how to write an Officer's Summary.
Once a week, the department head reviews the system log and writes up a quick entry on what happened this week, what procedures are still in progress, which ones were closed, any problems, system status.

There are new software functions in the log software to make this easier. I was to present a summary of the summary changes. A powerpoint with log entries selected to show the progress of creating the summary

They were terrified that i'd accidentally classify the presentation. So i was told to create non-tactical entries in the log for the purpose of summarizing them. That's easy. "We don't care what you write," they said, "as long as you don't actually copy a CONFIDENTIAL log."
They said that.

Monday, 0800, Words. Wordy word words.
Tuesday, 0414, Words. And more words. The best words. Words unlike those known to mortal men.
Tuesday, 1515, Flight Control Test completed satisfactory. Catapulted cow from ramparts. Flew like a cow.
Wednesday, 1145, Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'Lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Thursday, 1843, Performed dailies. Did them twice so we can take tomorrow off.
Friday, 2001, Took off.

Sunday's Summary: These are the voyages of the starship Summary. It's 7 day mission, to explore familiar old watchstations, to seek out status and events, to boldly go where, damn, everyone has gone before.








NOW they say they care about what i write.
 
We get emails from HR all the time about this and that. I usually just ignore them. Sometimes I see a title and get a little inspired or annoyed... but then inspired like one about dealing with stress during the holidays. That really pissed me off because last year I got very little time off when my Dad was sick. But then I remembered I can edit these docs and display them.

I often mark them up and make critical edits... then post the print outs by a well populated area. And sometimes a coworker will be walking by saying something like "I can't believe the things they are suggesting in that print out."
 
"Wait, wait, wait! Ask me again what i want to do after retirement, to occupy my time. I wanna change my answer!"

20200123_181843.jpg
 
Today, my eye doctor put drugs in my blood to make it glow under black light. To see if blood is leaking into my eye.
Side effect: turns the pee yellow. Neon yellow. Glow-under-black-light yellow.
Not the first time we've fone this, so i nod my head at the warnings much like i pretend to watch the stewardess do the 'we'll all die' dance before take-off.

Normally, i have to pee the instant i leave the office, and the urinal is as expected.

For some reason, today i didn't for a couple hours.
Completely forgot the stainant.
Gkance down and the toilet looks like the Gorton fisherman melted.
My VERY MANLY girlish scream alerted the household, followed by a strangely unassuring call of 'Oh, wait it's supposed to do that.'

They lined up when i came out. 'We have...questions?'
 
Had pains in my lower abdomen. ER verified it's not appendicitis. Follow-up apt with surgeon, not appendicitis.
Just had my follow-up with my GP. He reviewed ER's notes, Surgeon's notes, CT scan, pokes a bit, prods.
Final determination: We may never know what the pain was (it repeated once, nothing since).

Final advice: Don't have abdominal pains.
 
New Smart Doorbell Will Argue With Jehovah's Witnesses, LDS Missionaries For You

SANTA MONICA, CA—Security and smart home manufacturer Ring recently announced a new version of its innovative video doorbell. The Debate Ring Pro is designed to engage in theological arguments with visitors from other religious backgrounds. When the video monitoring software detects LDS missionaries or Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, the device gently, but firmly recites verses supporting the deity of Jesus Christ and other defenses for orthodox theology.

“It’s one of the most common front-door conversations in our country,” said Ring founder and chief inventor James Siminoff. “So we knew we had to do something to address it. Now instead of having an uncomfortable religious discussion with strangers, you can let your doorbell do it.”
Click to expand...
 
ZiprHead said:
New Smart Doorbell Will Argue With Jehovah's Witnesses, LDS Missionaries For You

SANTA MONICA, CA—Security and smart home manufacturer Ring recently announced a new version of its innovative video doorbell. The Debate Ring Pro is designed to engage in theological arguments with visitors from other religious backgrounds. When the video monitoring software detects LDS missionaries or Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, the device gently, but firmly recites verses supporting the deity of Jesus Christ and other defenses for orthodox theology.

“It’s one of the most common front-door conversations in our country,” said Ring founder and chief inventor James Siminoff. “So we knew we had to do something to address it. Now instead of having an uncomfortable religious discussion with strangers, you can let your doorbell do it.”
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

I heard about a software (only available to government to date) which has an AI that does facial recognition and prepares a dossier of all that is known about this person from publicly available internet data. Using this we could easily know the age, race, height, weight, religion, taste in porn and dating habits of anyone ringing the doorbell. Having identified a target we would deep-fake our own voice and have the AI engage in theological discussions with them using, of course, all the data Ring collected by recording every doorbell conversation ever with persons of the target ilk. 2022 or thereabouts?
 
Keith&Co. said:
created a short tutorial on how to write an Officer's Summary.
Once a week, the department head reviews the system log and writes up a quick entry on what happened this week, what procedures are still in progress, which ones were closed, any problems, system status.

There are new software functions in the log software to make this easier. I was to present a summary of the summary changes. A powerpoint with log entries selected to show the progress of creating the summary

They were terrified that i'd accidentally classify the presentation. So i was told to create non-tactical entries in the log for the purpose of summarizing them. That's easy. "We don't care what you write," they said, "as long as you don't actually copy a CONFIDENTIAL log."
They said that.

Monday, 0800, Words. Wordy word words.
Tuesday, 0414, Words. And more words. The best words. Words unlike those known to mortal men.
Tuesday, 1515, Flight Control Test completed satisfactory. Catapulted cow from ramparts. Flew like a cow.
Wednesday, 1145, Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'Lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Thursday, 1843, Performed dailies. Did them twice so we can take tomorrow off.
Friday, 2001, Took off.

Sunday's Summary: These are the voyages of the starship Summary. It's 7 day mission, to explore familiar old watchstations, to seek out status and events, to boldly go where, damn, everyone has gone before.








NOW they say they care about what i write.
Click to expand...

There’s no pleasing some people!
 
gmbteach said:
Keith&Co. said:
created a short tutorial on how to write an Officer's Summary.
Once a week, the department head reviews the system log and writes up a quick entry on what happened this week, what procedures are still in progress, which ones were closed, any problems, system status.

There are new software functions in the log software to make this easier. I was to present a summary of the summary changes. A powerpoint with log entries selected to show the progress of creating the summary

They were terrified that i'd accidentally classify the presentation. So i was told to create non-tactical entries in the log for the purpose of summarizing them. That's easy. "We don't care what you write," they said, "as long as you don't actually copy a CONFIDENTIAL log."
They said that.

Monday, 0800, Words. Wordy word words.
Tuesday, 0414, Words. And more words. The best words. Words unlike those known to mortal men.
Tuesday, 1515, Flight Control Test completed satisfactory. Catapulted cow from ramparts. Flew like a cow.
Wednesday, 1145, Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'Lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Thursday, 1843, Performed dailies. Did them twice so we can take tomorrow off.
Friday, 2001, Took off.

Sunday's Summary: These are the voyages of the starship Summary. It's 7 day mission, to explore familiar old watchstations, to seek out status and events, to boldly go where, damn, everyone has gone before.








NOW they say they care about what i write.
Click to expand...

There’s no pleasing some people!
Click to expand...

"It really doesn't matter; Just do whatever you like", is about the most dangerous thing you can say to an intelligent subordinate.
 
Shopping.
I use the hand scanner so purchases go in the bags and stay there. Not for efficiency, but so fumble fucking morons don't put my cans on top of my chips.
Today, in the checkout next to mine, the brain dead bagger put eggs at the bottom, then went to put a tray of chicken pieces on top.
The shopper offered the opinion that this was a bad thing to do.
The bagger defended his action by the fact that, 'In the wild, that's how they live. On top of the eggs.'

I was about to ask, Are you now, or have you ever been, in my wife's fourth period class? The one she refers to as The Crucible?
But tggen the cashier said, 'Hey, i never thought about it that way, but you're right.'

I really hope they're both just day drinking.
 
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