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Things that make you laugh...

Bad News, good news, great news.*

A few days after my friend Flynn (remember him from the Maine party?) told me his wife had gone missing while kayaking; he answers his door to find two Harbor Master officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife,".
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" he asked.
One officer said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news"!
Fearing the worst, Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" he exclaimed. What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobster's that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 60's, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

* don’t blame me , I didn’t write it.
 
See elsewhere:

(Context: A support ticket with a bad date--somewhere around the time of Jesus. I wouldn't be surprised at 0/0/0.)

meir said:
Todd hasn't informed us what the content of that ticket is. So, herewith:

Description: the Julio-Claudian dynasty is dying out!

Status: cannot reproduce
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Many years ago, about 1980, I was home from college after the Spring semester visiting the folks, and I stopped by my friend Jay's house, he just got home too. And he said that we need to go see if Wayne was home, next door to Jay's house. We stopped by Wayne's house and we did in deed find that he was home, his Mom let us in to see him in his first floor bedroom on the back side of the suburban track house. Wayne was tired from finals and the drive home and said that he needed a nap. We'd go out (drinking) later "stop by and get me up later" Wayne said. My friend Jay just happened to have a few firecrackers in his pocket - and Jay, noticing that the window in Wayne's bedroom was open (it was May after all) surreptitiously placed two fire crackers on Wayne's window sill with the fuses sticking through the screen . . . .
 
From a freethinker group on Facebook.

The ten commandments as handed down by thine Admin. Hear thee, hear thee.
1. Thou shalt not beknowest insult or threaten other members.
2. Inasmuch as thou spews on a post, thou remaineth on topic and thine topic shalt be the post.
3. Knowest thee on thine subject? Thou shalt prove it.
4. Thou shoutest not, not in CAPS, not in voice.
5. Thou shalt post with decorum. Disrespect not thine admins, neither disrespect thine groupe.
6. Thou postest drawings of violence, disgust, and nakkid persons? Thou must not.
7. Vexed on post art thou, talk to thine Admin, first, afore thou reports to thine Facebook lord.
8. Trolling thou shalt not, advertising thou mayest not, and neither shalt thou post on persons in thine groupe without getting permission from thine Admins. Thine Admins mayest consult with thine subject afore granting permission.
9. Thou shalt post not more than three posts per day in thine groupe. Thy posts mayest be deleted, and thou mayest be put under quarantine if thou postest thine posts with abandon.
10. Thou shalt let Admins and Moderators do their job on thine groupe. Thou mayest not call out unless thou hast good reason thou thinketh that post is against the spirit of thine groupe.
Click to expand...
 
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