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Things that make you laugh...
- Thread starter Angry Floof
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bilby
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Posted by a friend of mine on FB:
Sharing.
Keith&Co.
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It rained yesterday.
I left a little early. Got outside, no drops, went out the gate, no drops. Went through the parking lot, saw the clouds gathering, but no drops hit me.
Got in the car. There were drops on the windshield, which was odd. I mean, they came out of nowhere. The instant i put the car in drive, the sky opened up. It was raining hard enough that at one intersection, i only managed the left turn because i make that turn about 300 times a year and just dead-reckoned where the turn lane was. I couldn't see the lines on the road through the raindrops.
THAT was about the time my boss walked out, with his boss.
B-boss was an Ensign in the Navy, surface ships. Said he'd heard that the rain was pretty bad.
My boss was a Missile Tech Chief Petty Officer: "What sort of wimpy ship did you serve on? I'm a submariner. I don't fear water. Plus, i served in Bangor*, so i'm not afraid of any rain." This discussion raged from our office, through the high-bay, through the exit building, upstairs to the gate office.
They go through the gate and find a dozen people in the gate lobby, hiding from the weather.
Myboss: This is bullshit. It's just water! Outta the way. (MAY have said outta the way, pussies, stories conflict).
Walked straight out the doors, across the sidewalk, stepped down into the roadway.
And, okay, see, they're doing construction on the sewer system on the public road outside of our parking lot. And somehow, this translates to 'our sewers are full of water and not accepting any more water right now, okay, thanks, buhbye. Draining, but VEEEEEERRY slowly.
So the parking lot was flooded. My not-all-that-tall boss plunged into water that reached above his knee.
And had an instant, lightning realization: I have talked way too much shit to turn around, now.
So he slogged to his car, flopped his soaking wet lower half into the seat, and sloshed home. Said if he died this weekend it was a cold, not Covid.
*Seattle, not Maine
I left a little early. Got outside, no drops, went out the gate, no drops. Went through the parking lot, saw the clouds gathering, but no drops hit me.
Got in the car. There were drops on the windshield, which was odd. I mean, they came out of nowhere. The instant i put the car in drive, the sky opened up. It was raining hard enough that at one intersection, i only managed the left turn because i make that turn about 300 times a year and just dead-reckoned where the turn lane was. I couldn't see the lines on the road through the raindrops.
THAT was about the time my boss walked out, with his boss.
B-boss was an Ensign in the Navy, surface ships. Said he'd heard that the rain was pretty bad.
My boss was a Missile Tech Chief Petty Officer: "What sort of wimpy ship did you serve on? I'm a submariner. I don't fear water. Plus, i served in Bangor*, so i'm not afraid of any rain." This discussion raged from our office, through the high-bay, through the exit building, upstairs to the gate office.
They go through the gate and find a dozen people in the gate lobby, hiding from the weather.
Myboss: This is bullshit. It's just water! Outta the way. (MAY have said outta the way, pussies, stories conflict).
Walked straight out the doors, across the sidewalk, stepped down into the roadway.
And, okay, see, they're doing construction on the sewer system on the public road outside of our parking lot. And somehow, this translates to 'our sewers are full of water and not accepting any more water right now, okay, thanks, buhbye. Draining, but VEEEEEERRY slowly.
So the parking lot was flooded. My not-all-that-tall boss plunged into water that reached above his knee.
And had an instant, lightning realization: I have talked way too much shit to turn around, now.
So he slogged to his car, flopped his soaking wet lower half into the seat, and sloshed home. Said if he died this weekend it was a cold, not Covid.
*Seattle, not Maine
skepticalbip
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Odd that... I would think that a submariner experiencing being drenched by water poring down on them from above would be more panicked than someone on the deck of a surface ship.
Keith&Co.
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Outside the people tank, that's where water is supposed to be.
Inside...that's a different story....
Keith&Co.
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Two kinds of people in this world.
After they speak, I say, "Huh?" or "What?"
One type assumes i do not understand the comment and explains their reasoning that led to them making such a statement.
One type understands that by "What?" i mean i did not hear you clearly in the first place and have no god damned idea what you said, so explaining the logic that drove the comment is getting us no closer to completing any form of idea transmission. What's needed here is that you repeat yourself.
I, personally, reply to 'What?" with repetition.
Guess which type i married?
Guess.
After they speak, I say, "Huh?" or "What?"
One type assumes i do not understand the comment and explains their reasoning that led to them making such a statement.
One type understands that by "What?" i mean i did not hear you clearly in the first place and have no god damned idea what you said, so explaining the logic that drove the comment is getting us no closer to completing any form of idea transmission. What's needed here is that you repeat yourself.
I, personally, reply to 'What?" with repetition.
Guess which type i married?
Guess.
Sounds like your boss isn't too smart. Submariners should fear water! Something is very wrong if the water touches a submariner.
Keith&Co.
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No, we get wet a LOT. Draining tanks or headers, first man up the hatch, cleaning bilges...most of the MTs are maneuvering watch line handlers, we are among the first and last to get spray from the waves topside...
Wet trainer, escape trainer, fire fighting trainers, missile maintenance, fresh water washdown of the deck....
thebeave
Contributor
That guy is lucky he has a third hand coming out of his chest. That certainly makes things a lot easier.
Elixir
Made in America
See? Not all aliens are bad.
skepticalbip
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It is difficult to tell from the picture if the alien is good and trying to save the submarine or evil and is letting the sea in to sink the submarine.
Keith&Co.
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There are three people in that picture.
One of 'em's about to eat a crescent wrench if he doesn't get it out of the spray from the flange...
hyzer
Veteran Member
All-time best cabin pun:
Four friends are out in late October doing their annual West Virginia cabin camping. It is first thing on the first morning, it is cold, we want and need coffee. Water from the rainwater catchment is poured into the pot and heated vigorously on the camp stove – oh no, no one has remembered to bring creamer for the coffee!
But there might be a solution – looking in the kitchen cabinets we find one of those dispenser boxes of creamer pods that was “liberated” from an office coffee station many years before. The creamer in each of the little cups is pasteurized, it doesn’t “need” refrigeration. But this box of creamer pods has been in the cabin for so many years that there is mouse poop all throughout the box of pods. The poop is flicked off the first pod, the pod is opened, but the cream has separated. Oh no! Poop is flicked off the second pod and it is vigorously shaken and opened – success, it appears suitable for cabin coffee! The recipient of the creamer from the second pod, upon sampling his coffee, says “I prefer my creamer shaken, not turd.”
Four friends are out in late October doing their annual West Virginia cabin camping. It is first thing on the first morning, it is cold, we want and need coffee. Water from the rainwater catchment is poured into the pot and heated vigorously on the camp stove – oh no, no one has remembered to bring creamer for the coffee!
But there might be a solution – looking in the kitchen cabinets we find one of those dispenser boxes of creamer pods that was “liberated” from an office coffee station many years before. The creamer in each of the little cups is pasteurized, it doesn’t “need” refrigeration. But this box of creamer pods has been in the cabin for so many years that there is mouse poop all throughout the box of pods. The poop is flicked off the first pod, the pod is opened, but the cream has separated. Oh no! Poop is flicked off the second pod and it is vigorously shaken and opened – success, it appears suitable for cabin coffee! The recipient of the creamer from the second pod, upon sampling his coffee, says “I prefer my creamer shaken, not turd.”
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Keith&Co.
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And said this to three men who had brought guns...
Keith&Co.
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My wife is clearing out her leftovers from her former job as a high school teacher. She has a bunch of interlocking trays that organize your drawers.
I didn't really have a use for them until i thought, i could fill these with crap and put them in my b-boss' office. Shared the thought. My family instantly rounded up a few items.
So, right now, there's a tray of spare nuts and bolts and safety scissors in his desk; bottles of glitter; a tray full of colored pens and pencils, sharpeners; one of erasers resembling food and make-up, erasers for 'Disney Princess' themes; more glitter; pez dispensers for two of the Frozen characters; a first-aid kid with all the bandaids replaced with anime-themed glitter-enhanced bandaids; Gummy Krabby Patties; two more glitter trays.
Odd how everyone in my house took to this idle thought with rather productive abandon....
I didn't really have a use for them until i thought, i could fill these with crap and put them in my b-boss' office. Shared the thought. My family instantly rounded up a few items.
So, right now, there's a tray of spare nuts and bolts and safety scissors in his desk; bottles of glitter; a tray full of colored pens and pencils, sharpeners; one of erasers resembling food and make-up, erasers for 'Disney Princess' themes; more glitter; pez dispensers for two of the Frozen characters; a first-aid kid with all the bandaids replaced with anime-themed glitter-enhanced bandaids; Gummy Krabby Patties; two more glitter trays.
Odd how everyone in my house took to this idle thought with rather productive abandon....
Wet trainers aren't submarines.
Why would you get wet on missile maintenance? Isn't everything stored inside the sub?
Keith&Co.
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No. I said submariners get wet a LOT, thus we're not afeared of no water.
Some of the systems operate based on sea pressure, which requires a pipe that's open to the sea at one end. Draining that can get messy. We get wet.
Equipment is cooled by chilled water requiring a pipe that runs around the tube, or through the missile. Maintenance on thse systems can get messy. We get wet.
Idiots. Two of my shipmates managed to screw up purging guidance system water in such a way that they pumped Missile Heating And Cooling water into the 20 pound air header. Upon isolation of the mistake, they unplugged the hose and EVERYONE got wet.
Various tanks flood, headers pressurize, vents lift. Water goes places it really oughtn't've.
Idiots. We pressurize fire hoses when we pretend to fight fires. Sometimes they get discharged. Everyone in ten feet gets wet.
In the surface navy, flooding is defined as any time water enters a space that 's not designed to hold it. So if someone bumps the water fountain with the floor buffer and water sprays across the personnel office on the O2 level, they can call away flooding.
FOr subs, any time an uncontrolled amount of water enters a space where people expect to be able to breathe, that's flooding. So if water is coming out of a pipe, but there are valves to shut and make it stop, it's not flooding. Fire hoses, cooling headers, fresh or salt water tanks, all can leak, drip or spray into the people tank and it's not technically flooding. We don't care nearly as much about water that can be expected to be where we are. Like rain outside, or firefighting water in the bilge.
Of course, the other definition of flooding is 'if you're scared.' Like, if you don't know where the water is coming from, so you don't know if there's a valve to shut, so there's no telling how much water will be coming in, or you DO know what valve to shut and it doesn't help.
They wired a valve backwards on my first boat. We dove, water came in everywhere. They shut the hull and backup valves on the system. Or thought they did. But the 'shut' command actually 'opened' it. Water everywhere. The team at the site took local control and shut the valve. Water stopped. Maneuvering saw the valve indicated 'open.' So they shut it remotely. Water everywhere. Local control/remote control/local control until the CO said fuck it, and we surfaced.
This was my first day underwater on a submarine. Welcome to the Franklin! Try not to die!
Gods...