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Things that make you laugh...

Someone in my fiber arts group made an embroidery of a penis with flames coming out of it and asked if it needed anything else. So far, the suggestions strongly lean toward adding wings and sassy arms (fists on hips).
 
Angry Floof said:
Someone in my fiber arts group made an embroidery of a penis with flames coming out of it and asked if it needed anything else. So far, the suggestions strongly lean toward adding wings and sassy arms (fists on hips).
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Pictures or it didn't happen!
 
Elixir said:
Angry Floof said:
Someone in my fiber arts group made an embroidery of a penis with flames coming out of it and asked if it needed anything else. So far, the suggestions strongly lean toward adding wings and sassy arms (fists on hips).
Click to expand...

Pictures or it didn't happen!
Click to expand...



Now they're calling for ginger pubes.
 
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My son is arguing with one of the other players of an online game. This individual is certain that 'they' is only used as a plural.
What's driving Kid&Co. insane is that this individual keeps using 'they' in the singular while trying to prove that it's plural.
"What if you were in an accident and it was the other driver's fault? When you told the cops what they did, they wouldn't be referred to as 'they,' now, would they?"
 
So, we had to buy a new microwave.

It was two days before my son realized the clock was set to a 24 hour time format. Now he refuses to believe that i set it that way on the first day, because he used the thing to tell time with noticing any difficulty.

No, son, you're just a Navy brat.
 
Keith&Co. said:
So, we had to buy a new microwave.

It was two days before my son realized the clock was set to a 24 hour time format. Now he refuses to believe that i set it that way on the first day, because he used the thing to tell time with noticing any difficulty.

No, son, you're just a Navy brat.
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I wouldn't have had any problem with it but I think I would have noticed it. I've dealt with 24 hour time a fair amount in my travels but it's not second nature to me.
 
I was out of the office for a bit this morning, coworkers got to discussing music.
I came back towards the end, when the other Keith in my unit was complaining that he was going to have a Purple Rain, by Prince, running through his head for the rest of the day. I'm not terribly familiar with that song. So I was insulated from the ear worm...

My resourceful and ever-helpful brain, however, now has Raspberry Beret running through my mind on infinite replay...
 
Instructions for adjusting the numerical value in an automated form. Apparently 'manipulate the value by use of the Increase or Decrease arrows to the right side of the display' is too formal. We're teaching missile technicians, here, not English Majors or Engineering Graduates.

Okay. Gimme five minutes.

Apparently, 'smashing on the uppy-downy arrows' is not formal enough.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Instructions for adjusting the numerical value in an automated form. Apparently 'manipulate the value by use of the Increase or Decrease arrows to the right side of the display' is too formal. We're teaching missile technicians, here, not English Majors or Engineering Graduates.

Okay. Gimme five minutes.

Apparently, 'smashing on the uppy-downy arrows' is not formal enough.
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Just put the following hyperlink in the manual: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spinner_(computing)
 
Ugh.
Long day at work, strange pain in my knee (like, i dunno, a slow motion muscle spasm), car making funny noise, and when i opened my post office box, half of my keychain flashlight fell to the floor.
So, naturally, i said 'God damn it!' as i bent down to retrieve the parts.
An older woman near me asked, 'Do you think God appreciates that sort of language?'
I reassembled the flashlight without turning towards her and said, 'If I held supreme power in the universe, i doubt i'd be all that concerned about the vocal habits of one old ape on a speck of dirt in a backwater solar system.'
'Oh!' she huffed. 'You believe in that, too.'
Huh.
You know, my first instinct HAD been to just say 'Fuck Off.' Should have went with that...
 
I stole this from another board, in a discussion about misadventures with microwave oven cooking...

My stepfather put a pot of beans on the oven one day, put the flame on high to get the process started sooner and then fell promptly asleep.

Oh, did I mention he was using a pressure cooker?

Yep, the safety valve gave way and that pot o' beans emptied itself against the ceiling so hard that a circular, five foot section of it was permanently textured with kidney bean shaped indentations.

What amazed me the most was that there wasn't a single bean left in the pressure cooker. Every single one had been expelled.
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James Brown said:
I stole this from another board, in a discussion about misadventures with microwave oven cooking...

My stepfather put a pot of beans on the oven one day, put the flame on high to get the process started sooner and then fell promptly asleep.

Oh, did I mention he was using a pressure cooker?

Yep, the safety valve gave way and that pot o' beans emptied itself against the ceiling so hard that a circular, five foot section of it was permanently textured with kidney bean shaped indentations.

What amazed me the most was that there wasn't a single bean left in the pressure cooker. Every single one had been expelled.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

I wish you hadn't posted this in a public forum. How are you going to feel when there is another Islamic terrorist bombing and the investigation reveals that innocent bystanders were pulverized by little kidney beans? Hmmm?
 
Came in to work wearing a t-shirt that says 'NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION,' white letters on cardinal red shirt.
Have a red cape.
Have a cross, with the date of the broadcast of the 'Inquisition' episode on the crosspiece (22 SEP 1970, 2nd season, 2nd episode).

Some idiot laughed, nodded his head and said, "Yeah, I loved the Two Ronnies."
He's lucky this cross is plastic... Hardly left a bruise.
 
Was part of a TWO HOUR discussion in documentation about whether the procedure should say 'turn the dial counterclockwise' or 'turn the dial anticlockwise.'

Finally, the counterclockwise faction rose to power. Print it, save it, submit for testing.

Ten minutes into the procedure walk-through in the lab, we find out the dial goes clockwise....
Laughed until I almost threw up.
 
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