Things that make you laugh...

[Elixir]

 

[Angry Floof]

Portal Cat's expression suggests she has realized that the cake is indeed a lie.

 

[Angry Floof]

 

[SLD]

 

[Keith&Co.]

Hey, what's some British Slang for 'act like a responsible adult'?

We're translating some of our traing for the UK. Their weapon system has a different number of missiles, the tubes are painted differently, the sailors have different uniforms, the subs a different configuration. Noting all that, i came across the avatar telling the learner, "But you won't panic, because you put your big boy pants on, today."

I doubt that '...your long trousers on, today,' will convey quite the same meaning.

 

[bilby]

Hey, what's some British Slang for 'act like a responsible adult'?

We're translating some of our traing for the UK. Their weapon system has a different number of missiles, the tubes are painted differently, the sailors have different uniforms, the subs a different configuration. Noting all that, i came across the avatar telling the learner, "But you won't panic, because you put your big boy pants on, today."

I doubt that '...your long trousers on, today,' will convey quite the same meaning.

I have certainly heard 'big boy pants' used in the same context in the UK, though it's notable that in the UK, 'pants' means 'underwear' and not 'trousers', which makes the phrase rather more humorous IMO.

Indeed, it's that increased level of humour that makes me wonder whether this is an originally British phrase co-opted by Americans, rather than an originally American idiom. (But I am far too lazy to look it up).

 

[Elixir]

Allow me … per google, you may be right:

WORKERS on a North Sea oil rig were told to put on their "big-boy pants" or quit if they were afraid of going on a helicopter - just days before four people died in a crash.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Only thing i could find when i googled at work was a bunch of Brits saying it was purely American.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Downtown, there is a building that once hosted my wife's doctor's office, and a VA office for mental health issues. The building was originally two separate structures, now connected thru a long hallway that slopes, a ramp between one building's 1st floor, and the other building's 2nd.
The one time i was there, an individual was walking down the ramp, adjusting the art on the walls so that the frames were aligned to the handrail, about the angle of a ski slope.
Ten feet behind him, another individual was pacing the first, moving the pictures back to vertical.
Every so often, thry nodded to each other.

I had a meeting today, with three other companies' contractors, and the Navy, discussing implementing the changes this same group approved a month ago.
We already decided to do this. All of it.
Last month we all understood the proposed change, the scope of change, the affected systems....today was only supposed to be a 'when' discussion. Not why. Why was established, motherfuckers. It's too goddamned late for why. Why is surplus to needs.
You Were Here When Why Was Explained. And APPROVED.

SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED PIE-HOLES, YOU NARCISSISTIC FANS OF YOUR OWN NASAL SPEAKING VOICES!

They added an hour, easy. Questions, discussion, further questions, "can you ho back to screen 23?"

I added maybe two minutes. No one (except you, now) knows why, but when the guy who chaired the meeting asked if there were any other concerns, i said, "We need a ramp. And some landscapes." Then refused further comment.

 

[skepticalbip]

Downtown, there is a building that once hosted my wife's doctor's office, and a VA office for mental health issues. The building was originally two separate structures, now connected thru a long hallway that slopes, a ramp between one building's 1st floor, and the other building's 2nd.
The one time i was there, an individual was walking down the ramp, adjusting the art on the walls so that the frames were aligned to the handrail, about the angle of a ski slope.
Ten feet behind him, another individual was pacing the first, moving the pictures back to vertical.
Every so often, thry nodded to each other.

That sounds like a couple GS-12 pay grade government employees trying to fill their eight hours to justify their jobs. Obviously essential workers.

 

[TV and credit cards]

Downtown, there is a building that once hosted my wife's doctor's office, and a VA office for mental health issues. The building was originally two separate structures, now connected thru a long hallway that slopes, a ramp between one building's 1st floor, and the other building's 2nd.
The one time i was there, an individual was walking down the ramp, adjusting the art on the walls so that the frames were aligned to the handrail, about the angle of a ski slope.
Ten feet behind him, another individual was pacing the first, moving the pictures back to vertical.
Every so often, thry nodded to each other.

That sounds like a couple GS-12 pay grade government employees trying to fill their eight hours to justify their jobs. Obviously essential workers.

The "Administrative Officer". Either let me telework or so help me god all make you all wish you were never born.

 

[thebeave]

Downtown, there is a building that once hosted my wife's doctor's office, and a VA office for mental health issues. The building was originally two separate structures, now connected thru a long hallway that slopes, a ramp between one building's 1st floor, and the other building's 2nd.
The one time i was there, an individual was walking down the ramp, adjusting the art on the walls so that the frames were aligned to the handrail, about the angle of a ski slope.
Ten feet behind him, another individual was pacing the first, moving the pictures back to vertical.
Every so often, thry nodded to each other.

That sounds like a couple GS-12 pay grade government employees trying to fill their eight hours to justify their jobs. Obviously essential workers.

Back when I worked at Lockheed in the 80's there were a bunch of old, low energy guys who had long outlived their usefulness to the company, but apparently they had seniority and/or connections, so they managed to keep their salary and employment. They were just hanging on until their pension matured. If you looked at the org charts, they would be in a box connected directly to a manager, with the title of "Special Assignment". From what I could tell, their "special assignment" was to assign conference rooms, rearrange chairs, desks and file cabinets, order name tags and business cards for new employess, cite people for messy desks, inappropriate desk materials, etc. But mostly sitting at their desk nodding off and shuffling papers. Stuff a low performing kid out of high school could do. That was my first real experience with corporate waste, bloat and politics. All those rumors I heard as a kid were true afterall.

 

[SLD]

Downtown, there is a building that once hosted my wife's doctor's office, and a VA office for mental health issues. The building was originally two separate structures, now connected thru a long hallway that slopes, a ramp between one building's 1st floor, and the other building's 2nd.
The one time i was there, an individual was walking down the ramp, adjusting the art on the walls so that the frames were aligned to the handrail, about the angle of a ski slope.
Ten feet behind him, another individual was pacing the first, moving the pictures back to vertical.
Every so often, thry nodded to each other.

That sounds like a couple GS-12 pay grade government employees trying to fill their eight hours to justify their jobs. Obviously essential workers.

Back when I worked at Lockheed in the 80's there were a bunch of old, low energy guys who had long outlived their usefulness to the company, but apparently they had seniority and/or connections, so they managed to keep their salary and employment. They were just hanging on until their pension matured. If you looked at the org charts, they would be in a box connected directly to a manager, with the title of "Special Assignment". From what I could tell, their "special assignment" was to assign conference rooms, rearrange chairs, desks and file cabinets, order name tags and business cards for new employess, cite people for messy desks, inappropriate desk materials, etc. But mostly sitting at their desk nodding off and shuffling papers. Stuff a low performing kid out of high school could do. That was my first real experience with corporate waste, bloat and politics. All those rumors I heard as a kid were true afterall.

Damn! Where do I apply?

 

[bilby]

 

[bilby]

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Once again, they post a hike for No Moon hike to Arizona Hot Springs. The description says swimsuits optional. Make up your mind!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Two people in the store tonight when i got something for dinnerr. Woman a little younger than me pushing the cart, loading it. Guy about my dad's age following behind her, picking stuff off the shelf. 'We could get this!'
'No,' she says wiyhout looking. He put it back.
About the fourth thing she turned down, he complained. 'You're not even looking!'
'If you were ABLE to make good shopping decisions,' she snarled, 'I wouldn't BE here.' Then she threw the bag of rice cakes into thhe cart. And i don't mean, 'they then acquired rice cakes.'

 

[Keith&Co.]

They just restocked the vending machines and i got a turkey sandwich for lunch.
It was nice and fresh. SO fresh, the lettuce layer was still crispy!

I was two bites into the sandwich before i realized there's no lettuce in this thing. None.
The crisp is from the fact that it's about zero point two degrees outside and the thingly sliced turkey froze fucking solid on the delivery truck. It was actually thawing in the fridge.

 

[skepticalbip]

Then she threw the bag of rice cakes into thhe cart. And i don't mean, 'they then acquired rice cakes.'

I understand that rice cakes are not sold in Styrofoam trays so that the consumer won't be confused as to which part is edible.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Oh, lord.
Coworker's daughter just got home from school and announced, "I'm a lesbian!"
Mom: No, you're not. (Not that mom CARES, just doesn't think her 2nd grade daughter really knows what a lesbian is.)
Daughter: Yes i am. It means i like girls.
Mom: Not the way you're thinking. It means you like girls more than you like boys.
Daughter (2nd grade): I DO like girls more than i like boys.
Mom: NOT THAT WAY! It means you want to marry a girl instead of a boy.
Daughter: I can do that!?!?!

 

[Angry Floof]

Mom: NOT THAT WAY! It means you want to marry a girl instead of a boy.
Daughter: I can do that!?!?!

 

[Angry Floof]

 

[ZiprHead]

View attachment 36977

That kid's gonna be an atheist for sure.

 

[Elixir]

 

[Keith&Co.]

What the goddamned fuck, internet?

Okay, so, in the 70's, i was a big fan of the TV show "When Things Were Rotten." I always understood it to be a Mel Brooks production.
I'm reading his memoirs, All About Me. There's no WTWR chapter. Get Smart, Producers, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles....
Huh. Maybe i was wrong about WTWR?
To the google! In the middle of the Get Smart chapter, i go looking.

I can't find anything that actually connects Mel Brooks to the show. I found ONE site that reviewed it 'with humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Was that what i was thinking? Did my brain just bridge some jokes and ascribe something illicitly?
WEird. Okay, well, all these years i was wrong.

I turned the page in the memoirs. He lists actors he used in Get Smart, "...and then when i made When Things Were Rotten, i hired him again..."

Son of a fuck!?!?

Back to google. Same search term.
"Mel Brooks' lampoon of..."
"A short-lived Mel Brooks sitcom...."
"...based on Robin Hood's legend, Mel Brooks..."

And of course, 'humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Well, no SHIT it's in his style. He could junk everything, take meth, and make a Lovecraft Musical and it'd be in Mel Brooks' style.

What the ever loving hell is going on? The internet decided to gaslight me for one hour?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

 

[thebeave]

What the goddamned fuck, internet?

Okay, so, in the 70's, i was a big fan of the TV show "When Things Were Rotten." I always understood it to be a Mel Brooks production.
I'm reading his memoirs, All About Me. There's no WTWR chapter. Get Smart, Producers, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles....
Huh. Maybe i was wrong about WTWR?
To the google! In the middle of the Get Smart chapter, i go looking.

I can't find anything that actually connects Mel Brooks to the show. I found ONE site that reviewed it 'with humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Was that what i was thinking? Did my brain just bridge some jokes and ascribe something illicitly?
WEird. Okay, well, all these years i was wrong.

I turned the page in the memoirs. He lists actors he used in Get Smart, "...and then when i made When Things Were Rotten, i hired him again..."

Son of a fuck!?!?

Back to google. Same search term.
"Mel Brooks' lampoon of..."
"A short-lived Mel Brooks sitcom...."
"...based on Robin Hood's legend, Mel Brooks..."

And of course, 'humor in the style of Mel Brooks.' Well, no SHIT it's in his style. He could junk everything, take meth, and make a Lovecraft Musical and it'd be in Mel Brooks' style.

What the ever loving hell is going on? The internet decided to gaslight me for one hour?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I remember that show! I liked it too. Even remember the theme song, "Once upon a time, when things were rotten.." If I recall Dick Gautier played Robin Hood, and Maid Marian was Misty Rowe (a classic 1970's fox, who was also on Hee Haw). And yeah, I recall it being a Mel Brooks production as well.

 

[Keith&Co.]

I remember that show! I liked it too. Even remember the theme song, "Once upon a time, when things were rotten.." If I recall Dick Gautier played Robin Hood, and Maid Marian was Misty Rowe (a classic 1970's fox, who was also on Hee Haw). And yeah, I recall it being a Mel Brooks production as well.

I was trying to discuss it with one of my teachers one day. She stopped me, "That's not humor."
I was stunned. I knew before then that adults could be wrong, but this was learning those in positions of authority could be stupid.

 

[bilby]

 

[Keith&Co.]

A teen was having a weird moment at the supermarket today.

"Mom?" (with some urgency) "What is this?"
"That's an eggplant."
"Eggplants are REAL!? GROSS!"

 

[Elixir]

 

[ZiprHead]

View attachment 37034

I think that applies to several members here.

 

[Elixir]

 

[Elixir]

The next GQP COVID cure

 

[ZiprHead]

The next GQP COVID cure

View attachment 37038

I wonder if opium is one of the ingredients.

 

[skepticalbip]

The next GQP COVID cure

View attachment 37038

I wonder if opium is one of the ingredients.

And I wonder why is it not recommended for children under six since it is such a great panacea.

 

[Elixir]

The next GQP COVID cure

View attachment 37038

I wonder if opium is one of the ingredients.

And I wonder why is it not recommended for children under six since it is such a great panacea.

B’cuz opium. Or laudanum … plus alcohol, cocaine and formaldehyde.
No artificial flavors, gluten free and organic. All natural ingredients.

 

[thebeave]

I remember that show! I liked it too. Even remember the theme song, "Once upon a time, when things were rotten.." If I recall Dick Gautier played Robin Hood, and Maid Marian was Misty Rowe (a classic 1970's fox, who was also on Hee Haw). And yeah, I recall it being a Mel Brooks production as well.

I was trying to discuss it with one of my teachers one day. She stopped me, "That's not humor."
I was stunned. I knew before then that adults could be wrong, but this was learning those in positions of authority could be stupid.

A couple of other short lived shows I liked from back in that era:

Quark - A comedy starring Richard Benjamin as a captain of a space ship. There were a couple of identical twin blondes on the show for the gratuitous '70's T&A.

Salvage 1 - Starring Andy Griffith has the owner of a junk yard. He makes a rocket ship out of random junk and and launches it into space.

 

[ZiprHead]

The next GQP COVID cure

View attachment 37038

I wonder if opium is one of the ingredients.

And I wonder why is it not recommended for children under six since it is such a great panacea.

B’cuz opium. Or laudanum … plus alcohol, cocaine and formaldehyde.
No artificial flavors, gluten free and organic. All natural ingredients.

How do you put alcohol in a cigarette.

 

[gmbteach]

The next GQP COVID cure

View attachment 37038

I wonder if opium is one of the ingredients.

And I wonder why is it not recommended for children under six since it is such a great panacea.

B’cuz opium. Or laudanum … plus alcohol, cocaine and formaldehyde.
No artificial flavors, gluten free and organic. All natural ingredients.

How do you put alcohol in a cigarette.

let the tobacco etc soak in it for a while.

 

[Elixir]

 

[Keith&Co.]

View attachment 37050

The weatherbug listing for my city said -6 degrees when i left the house. The clock that has an outside sensor under my air conditioner said it was -0.1. My car said it was +16 in the garage. It's all a big scam.

 

[Elixir]

How do you put alcohol in a cigarette.

You have to use powdered alcohol.
Helps them burn.

 

[Keith&Co.]

How do you put alcohol in a cigarette.

You have to use powdered alcohol.
Helps them burn.

or crystalized.
They halted some back-surgery on Richard Burton because they found his spine was lined with 'crystalized alcohol.'
That's a level of alcoholism beyond mere professional drinking.

 

[Elixir]

How do you put alcohol in a cigarette.

You have to use powdered alcohol.
Helps them burn.

or crystalized.
They halted some back-surgery on Richard Burton because they found his spine was lined with 'crystalized alcohol.'
That's a level of alcoholism beyond mere professional drinking.

At least they stopped before he caught on fire...

 

[Keith&Co.]

Mel Brooks' first movie, The Producers, has a musical within the movie: Springtime for Hitler. When The Producers was released in Sweden, one distributor got Brooks' permission to list it as Springtime For Hitler on the marquee. This caught on.
The movie did REALLY well in Sweden.
And since then, every Brooks movie (except two) has been a Springtime movie in Sweden.
Springtime for Frankenstein (Young Frankenstein)
Springtime for the Sheriff (Blazing Saddles)
Springtime for Mother (The Twelve Chairs)

 

[Keith&Co.]

Someone tracked snowfall in toasted ravioli.


Thrre was a complaint (brag?) that Americans will use anything besides the metric system.

Well, yeah. If i say, for example, "Nine centimeters." the response will be, "'Bout how deep is that?"

If i say "Two ravioli deep." to ten people, I get
Seven nods, information transmission was completed.

Two will ask if i mean two thick or two wide. Clarity is required.

One asks if I'm using Chef Boyardee or deli ravioli.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Someone tracked snowfall in toasted ravioli.
View attachment 37116

Thrre was a complaint (brag?) that Americans will use anything besides the metric system.

Well, yeah. If i say, for example, "Nine centimeters." the response will be, "'Bout how deep is that?"

If i say "Two ravioli deep." to ten people, I get
Seven nods, information transmission was completed.

Two will ask if i mean two thick or two wide. Clarity is required.

One asks if I'm using Chef Boyardee or deli ravioli.

Then you get people like us--neither of us knows how big a ravioli is.

 

[bilby]

Someone tracked snowfall in toasted ravioli.
View attachment 37116

Thrre was a complaint (brag?) that Americans will use anything besides the metric system.

Well, yeah. If i say, for example, "Nine centimeters." the response will be, "'Bout how deep is that?"

If i say "Two ravioli deep." to ten people, I get
Seven nods, information transmission was completed.

Two will ask if i mean two thick or two wide. Clarity is required.

One asks if I'm using Chef Boyardee or deli ravioli.

Then you get people like us--neither of us knows how big a ravioli is.

That's easily remedied; A raviolus (note: 'ravioli' is the plural) is a square with sides the same length as that of a piece of string.

 

[Elixir]

That's not a ravioli, THIS is a ravioli!

 

[Keith&Co.]

We're in a suburb of Philadelphia, collecting keepers from my sister-in-law's estate (and boxing a zillion books for donations).
We break for lunch and decide on Popeye's. I kniw there's a Popeye's within 5 miles of Martha's house.
I ask the GPS for nearest.
It asks if i want Popeye's # 439.
I don't care what number corporate assigned, i want the one on Ridge ave. I say g'head.
It calculates a path an d starts with the directions.
Ridge Ave is not on the directions. At all.
Mostly freeways, matter of fact.
I investigate further.
I want lunch, NEAR MY CURRENT LOCATION. The GPS gives me a 4.5-hour trip to Pittsburgh. 273 miles away.

Wife comes out to the car.
'Wanna see something weird?' I show her the display.
'Ridge ave,' she reads, 'fifteen minutes away. Not so weird. Lots of tiny little roads, weird traffic...'
'No! Pittsburgh! It said Pittsburgh! It gave me directions to the other end of the state!'
'Why would it do that?'
'I dunno! It was the only restaurant it offered! Until right now!'
'Uh huh.'
'No, really!'
'Can we go eat?'
'........Yeah, i guess.'