Things that make you laugh...

[Cheerful Charlie]

Was part of a TWO HOUR discussion in documentation about whether the procedure should say 'turn the dial counterclockwise' or 'turn the dial anticlockwise.'

Finally, the counterclockwise faction rose to power. Print it, save it, submit for testing.

Ten minutes into the procedure walk-through in the lab, we find out the dial goes clockwise....
Laughed until I almost threw up.

Did no one say "Go find out, give it a twist to see"? Sounds like a Dilbert strip.

 

[Keith&Co.]

The temptation to let this fester is just about equal to the driving need to correct someone's horrible mistake...

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

I'm sure you're up to the task.

Turns out, I'm not. I mentioned to a third coworker that Xi was his actual name, not a pronoun...but only after the first guy had left for the weekend... So it's corrected AND festering... Shucks, darn, missed him.

 

[bilby]

They made a dessert, and called it 'peas' - Tacticus*






















The Roman general from whose idea of actually thinking about a skirmish, rather than just whaling in against the enemy, we get the word 'Tactics'

 

[gmbteach]

 

[Keith&Co.]

Coworker takes all his calls on speakerphone. Including personal ones.
Wife calls: Don't forget we have a Parent/Teacher meeting on Friday.
Co: Friday? What time?
Wife: We're the 1:30 appointment.
Co: Oh. Can't make it.
Wife: Why, where will you be?
Co: A... A movie.
Wife: Which one?
Co: You don't want to know.
Wife: Well, you saw Thor last week. Avengers is next year. Black Panther is summer... What else is there?
Co: Justice League.
Wife: Oh, okay. Um. Wait, isn't that basically The Avengers?
Co: IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! (Slams phone off, storms out of office.)

 

[Keith&Co.]

Ah, cool!
So, like, there's contractors from seven companies and government agencies getting together for a meeting online. and they all tie in to whatever's being used to host the presentation materials, but my company, and mine alone, has some sort of issue with our company internet that blocks this particular host. Can't work.

So, see, I'm on the phone with everyone, but I can't see what's on everyone's screen.

And one guy, like, every third sentence he says starts with 'And you can see here-' so I HAVE to (seriously, I am obligated) point out that I can't see. Every third sentence.
No, I cannot see.
What does everyone see.
Can someone tell me what is on the screen?

And now I don't have to attend these meetings anymore. ANY of them.

 

[Keith&Co.]

OOOH< what a blow to my ego!

So, the boss sends out an anonymous survey asking what we can do to improve morale.

A previous attempt to boost morale was the Traveling Gnome. A little gnome figure that was presented to someone who made an accomplishment. Then a week later, the receiver got to pick the next recipient.

At the latest stand-up meeting, the boss announced the results of the survey. One of the first things he announced wat that we were NOT going to incorporate an Apex Predator Of The Month award. Someone asked what the hell that was.
"Someone suggested that we honor someone in the unit each month as the APOTM, and they are allowed to wear an inflatable Trex costume for one day. We won't be doing that."

And several people turn to stare accusingly (or appreciatively) at someone they suspect as the author of this anonymous tip.
Chris B. is all 'Why is half the room staring AT ME?'

And I'm over in the corner, asking, "Why come is ONLY half the room staring at ME?"

I mean, jeez, you'd think I'd have scored at least 60%...

 

[paladin.oa]

OOOH< what a blow to my ego!

So, the boss sends out an anonymous survey asking what we can do to improve morale.

A previous attempt to boost morale was the Traveling Gnome. A little gnome figure that was presented to someone who made an accomplishment. Then a week later, the receiver got to pick the next recipient.

At the latest stand-up meeting, the boss announced the results of the survey. One of the first things he announced wat that we were NOT going to incorporate an Apex Predator Of The Month award. Someone asked what the hell that was.
"Someone suggested that we honor someone in the unit each month as the APOTM, and they are allowed to wear an inflatable Trex costume for one day. We won't be doing that."

And several people turn to stare accusingly (or appreciatively) at someone they suspect as the author of this anonymous tip.
Chris B. is all 'Why is half the room staring AT ME?'

And I'm over in the corner, asking, "Why come is ONLY half the room staring at ME?"

I mean, jeez, you'd think I'd have scored at least 60%...

So was it you that suggested that wacky thing?

 

[Keith&Co.]

an Apex Predator Of The Month award.

So was it you that suggested that wacky thing?

It hurts me deeply that you have to ask...

 

[Elixir]

an Apex Predator Of The Month award.

So was it you that suggested that wacky thing?

It hurts me deeply that you have to ask...

Thought you were going to win, didn't you?

 

[Keith&Co.]

So was it you that suggested that wacky thing?

It hurts me deeply that you have to ask...

Thought you were going to win, didn't you?

Our security office has a rule against masks or costumes that hide our identity. I'm pretty sure, though, if someone came through the turnstile dressed as a t-rex, everyone would say, "No, we know who THAT is..."

 

[Shake]

Back when those Nextel walkie-talkie phones were all the rage, especially among construction-type workers, we had a bunch of contractors in our building doing various jobs, creating new office spaces, etc., and one of them walks into the bathroom and is just about to start doing his business at the urinal when he gets a call. "Goddamnit! 25 minutes I've been trying to get a hold of this guy and now he calls me back?!?"

 

[James Brown]

I've started a side-hustle installing home security systems. I've been going door-to-door offering my services.

Believe it or not, I'm having better luck getting followups when no one is home. I just leave my brochure on their kitchen table.

 

[Elixir]

It hurts me deeply that you have to ask...

Thought you were going to win, didn't you?

Our security office has a rule against masks or costumes that hide our identity. I'm pretty sure, though, if someone came through the turnstile dressed as a t-rex, everyone would say, "No, we know who THAT is..."

I have to ask...
When people in your office get ideas for pranks that might stray into regulatory gray areas, do they come to you first and ask you to carry out their clever plans?

 

[bilby]

Thought you were going to win, didn't you?

Our security office has a rule against masks or costumes that hide our identity. I'm pretty sure, though, if someone came through the turnstile dressed as a t-rex, everyone would say, "No, we know who THAT is..."

I have to ask...
When people in your office get ideas for pranks that might stray into regulatory gray areas, do they come to you first and ask you to carry out their clever plans?

You should get extra pay for your position as Prank, Joke and Jape Regulation Officer.

You should certainly produce an official looking memo for the office notice board, requiring that employees wishing to engage in spontaneous practical jokes register their intentions with the PJJRO in triplicate three working days in advance of the prank, with suitable penalties for unauthorized spontaneity.

"While <company> recognizes that spontaneity is a vital contributor to staff morale, we also need to be mindful that as a secure workplace, some forms of practical joking may be detrimental to our security. It has therefore been determined that a compromise is necessary, and the position of Prank, Joke and Jape Regulation Officer (PJJRO) has been created to oversee all spontaneous acts of humor in the workplace, including external workplace activities such as Christmas parties, conferences, meetings and workplace sponsored events ..."

 

[ZiprHead]

I've started a side-hustle installing home security systems. I've been going door-to-door offering my services.

Believe it or not, I'm having better luck getting followups when no one is home. I just leave my brochure on their kitchen table.

Now that's a smart business man.

 

[gmbteach]

Watching ‘Highway Patrol’ and this guy is driving a stolen car. The following is the conversation:

Police: are you aware the plates are stolen?
Driver: yeah
P: do you know you stole them?
D: no, uh yeah, me!
P: you are now under arrest for theft. Any weapons on you or in the car?
D: uhhh
P: you hesitated, any weapons in the Car?
D: just an axe!

I would say that’s a yes!

 

[Keith&Co.]

I have to ask...
When people in your office get ideas for pranks that might stray into regulatory gray areas, do they come to you first and ask you to carry out their clever plans?

Actually, no.
But I may be to blame, anyway. I mean, I DO stuff. And get away with it.
Or at least, the 'jape' is public, but not everyone sees me at HR promising to take Dave's heart condition into account next time. And if the punishment isn't made public, then it does appear that I 'got away' with something.
Which makes them a little more likely, the next time they have one of those 'Hey, you know what would be funny?' ideas, they might carry through.

- - - Updated - - -

You should certainly produce an official looking memo for the office notice board,

That's a thought...

 

[Elixir]

I've started a side-hustle installing home security systems. I've been going door-to-door offering my services.

Believe it or not, I'm having better luck getting followups when no one is home. I just leave my brochure on their kitchen table.

Thank you James... I was discussing online marketing strategies with our outside hire, and that joke came to mind.
Amazingly, there ARE applicable analogies to that in the e-commerce world!

 

[Keith&Co.]

In line to check out at a Harry and David's. About half a bazillion people in line, the kids belonging to the woman in front of me got bored fast and started acting up. She tried several times to rein in their asshattery, first as an authority figure, then threats, then bribes...
At some point I was helpless to resist saying 'Now i know why tigers eat their young,' Rodney Dangerfield's line from Caddyshack.

She turned around to glare at me. I THOUGHT she was about to bitch me out for interferring, then she sighed and said, "But since Harambe, we can't get close enough to the tiger pit to pitch them in."