• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Things that make you laugh...

xJfyRqU.jpeg

Wait...witches and Satanists weren't already on The Left?
There are...conservative witches?
Are they in the Southwest?
I bet they're in the Southwest.
I can sorta see HexMex...

Or have i been mispronouncing it?
Is Texarkana really Tex-Arcane?
 
Keith&Co. said:
View attachment 35353

Wait...witches and Satanists weren't already on The Left?
There are...conservative witches?
Are they in the Southwest?
I bet they're in the Southwest.
I can sorta see HexMex...

Or have i been mispronouncing it?
Is Texarkana really Tex-Arcane?
Click to expand...

The only witch I've recently met was in South Carolina officiating at my granddaughter's wedding.
 
A post in another thread just sent me on the wayback machine.
crazyfingers said:
That was fun. Do it again.
Click to expand...

So, subs have these smoke markers. When we operate in wargames, we launch colored smoke to signal certain things.
The smoke emitter is a floating device, salt water activated, that floats up to the surface as a sort of flare.
The launch is thru what is basically a scaled-down torpedo tube.
You put in the smoke, pressurize to slightly above sea pressure, open the outer door, it pops out, floats swiftly but gently up. A column of colored smoke rises from the spot, alerting them to whatever the message was.
We shot you, you shot us, avoid this spot we're surfacing, whatever.


Unless you were on The Ben Franklin in '82. Playing games with a destroyer, we had a torpedo solution, so the captain ordered, 'Launch a green smoke,' to indicate that we had pretend-fired a torpedo at them. Kind of 'Tag! Gotcha!'

Sea pressure is 44 psi per 100 feet in depth. So, we were at periscope depth, should have used around 30 psi to launch. The air comes from a 700psi header. The torpedoman just....opened the valve.

When launched, the smoke exploded out of the tube. The entire ship shook like we had collided with something. We scrambled. Looking for flooding, signs of impact, lost equipment... then the destoyer captain called.
Apparently this green, smoking rocket burst out of the water, jetting across the waves like a comet, bounced twice, then flew upwards and exploded. Their signalmen were at a loss to translate the message. Their CO called: "That was neat! Do it again!"


We...did not do it again. The captain called 'Rocket Billy' to the conn, a nickname that stuck. They called him that on his next command.
 
I farted in the supermarket.

I was, even by my standards, fucking rank. Like, washed up on the shore, decaying dead. Whoof! And i was masked! God help the anti-maskers!

But i was alone in that aisle. So, i went about making selections from my shopping list.
Other shoppers came by. Elder Mom in a little powered cart, daughter puxhing a standard shopping cart. As they drew close to the canned veggies, Mom turned and blurted, "It wasn't me."
Daughter, "What wasn't y- Oh, my GOD! MOM! Was that You?!"
"I just SAID it wasn't me."
"Do we need to go back to the house?"
"No!"

Okay, in the Navy, i used to fart competitively. No big deal. "It was me." I admitted freely.
Daughter looked at me odd, like she couldn't tell if i was serious, or interfering. Okay.
But MOM looked at me like i'd done her wrong! I backed you up! No need to interrupt the shopping trip! Would you rather i had claimed innocence? Blamed you? Or, considering my background, given you a thumbs-up, "Good one!"? Your daughter would have bought it!
 
A friend on Facebook, a Buddhist monk, posting a rant about how awful humanity is and describing the world as an apocalyptic hellscape complete with self righteous moralizing about selfishness, destructiveness, ego...

What a phony. *I* am a better Buddhist monk than this guy. :rofl: Wouldn't an experienced Buddhist monk hold a bit of a more equanimous perspective? Unless Buddhism is also kind of phony religious bullshit just wrapped up in slightly better existential window dressing? Or is this guy just a tool?

Now that I think of it, maybe some real Buddhists just fast tracked this guy so he would hurry up and fuck off out of their monastery. That actually seems plausible.
 
Angry Floof said:
...maybe some real Buddhists just fast tracked this guy so he would hurry up and fuck off
Click to expand...
Otto?

Now let me correct you on a couple of things, Ok? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself". And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Click to expand...
but in his case, thery said, Right. Straight marks, off you go.
 
Angry Floof said:
A friend on Facebook, a Buddhist monk, posting a rant about how awful humanity is and describing the world as an apocalyptic hellscape complete with self righteous moralizing about selfishness, destructiveness, ego...

What a phony. *I* am a better Buddhist monk than this guy. :rofl: Wouldn't an experienced Buddhist monk hold a bit of a more equanimous perspective? Unless Buddhism is also kind of phony religious bullshit just wrapped up in slightly better existential window dressing? Or is this guy just a tool?

Now that I think of it, maybe some real Buddhists just fast tracked this guy so he would hurry up and fuck off out of their monastery. That actually seems plausible.
Click to expand...
It looks like your monk has the Buddhist view of the world but misses the Buddhist teachings of how to deal with it.

i.e. The teaching is that life is pain and suffering (it sucks). How to deal with it is to accept it as it is and not to add to the suffering of other life forms.

At least that is what I got from my readings of Buddhism.
 
The restaurant was playing late-80's Rock music as we ate. My wife or i would regularly comment about how long it had been since we heard this song, or when we first heard this song, or what was neat in the video...

Then a song came on from the late 70's. (Queen, who promised to rock us.) I said, "I'd say this was a trip on The Wayback Machine, but this song was on my playlist as we drove here."
"Sweetie," she said, "your playlist IS The Wayback Machine."
 
[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c833QBWoPXI[/YOUTUBE]

Lock and load, ladies. :D
 
So, the entire supervisory element went off to a meeting, leaving me and the other nerd alone in chat. The conversation developed to where we proved that paperwork will survive the eventual crushing of the universe, and the only thing to come out of the monobloc will be a form for registering our new universe with the makers. Also, Dark Matter is probably red tape from previous realities.
Suddenly, supervisor enters, 'this is what you guys do when left alone in Teams? Surprised you didn't start a role playing game.'

Nerd1 typed, "cannot find the dice roll function for the chat."
Saw "[supervisor] is typing."
I added, "Math rocks go clacky clack!"






He stopped typing. For, like, half an hour.
 
Speaking of cannibalism, and you know who you are,

So, a problem was resolved.
Someone in chat declared 'There was much rejoicing.'
Someone else asked if we could still eat the minstrels.
I said no, as none of us could carry a tune.
My boss was shocked. "Eating WHAT?!!?"
So, we explained it was a scene out of Monty Python's Holy Grail. She was horrified. She's never seen Python, but her kid likes Holy Grail. All kinds of pissed off, no one told her, that sort of thing happens, fucking British weirdos, etc.. Really, though, cannibalism is not that outrageous for the Python's. Tried to explain this. Did not calm her down.
Turns out, after much back and forth, that what she HEARD was not Minstrel, but Menstrual.

Oh. Um, no, think 'bard,' not 'shark week.'
 
A trip to the store. For craft stuff.
Just need a big wooden letter "U" for my boss award. Know right where they are. A quick in-out. No expectations of any big confusing mysteries. Or emotional trauma.


Sliding past the holiday decorations. Aaaaand...


eGgvztf.jpeg

I.... i have a question. An URGENT question, please.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom