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Things that make you laugh...

So, I am not allowed to talk to the customer.
Well, some of the customer. I am aces at rolling out new hardware, software, procedures, updating sailors on upgraded systems, also explaining how things work to junior personnel.
I just cannot talk to the money guys. If Program asks me at a meeting, "So, what does GD think of the new training interface we bought?" my supervisor will shout "KEITH HASN'T SEEN IT YET!" before i can give a candid answer. Because i will tell them what i think. Not always a good thing if they just spent $umpty-million, and it's as useful as an airport made of honey.

Next week, though, a number of commitments have emptied the office. I will be reviewing a new training product and there will be no adult supervision in the office.
Super was trying to find a polite way to caution me in my responses, without making it a challenge, or leaving loopholes.
"Can you remember to be...um...politically correct? And nice? Don't lie, if there's a problem, but don't um, create more problems. Please."

I nodded. "I vow not to bring dishonor upon my house," i told him.

For some reason, this did not make him relax....
 
This may be true.
In the Teams work space, we were watching the boss type a response to our effort to include 'surety' in our training.
It's a newish term the DOD uses to refer to safety, security, technical system design, all kinds of stuff that combine to support the weapon system.
As he types along, he suddenly was disconfident about how to spell 'surety.'
I unmuted and spelled it, S H U W R E T E E.
We watched as he dutifully typed out shuw... "Wait, did you say W?"
Coworker, "Yes, S H U W R E T E E."
Silence. Then he backspaced a few times. And finished the line, "We have incorporated the YOU ALL CAN EAT A BAG OF DICKS definition in our lesson.."

Then he copied the word in the subject line of his reply, pasted it, made it read "We have incorporated the Re: Surety definition in our lesson."

Close enough....
 
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In all fairness though, if you reached underneath and get your hand caught in the gears, they WOULD show up eventually.
 
Ah yes, good ole' Reddy Killowatt. :) A staple of elementary school school kids' home safety education in the 60's and '70's. Where kids were told to go home and find electrical safety hazards (like the infamous "octopus") and tell your dad how he's not keeping his family safe. And of course, warning about not flying your kite near power lines. Nowadays, kids be like, "What is this thing you call kites? Can I get it for the Nintendo?"
Elixir said:
View attachment 37340
Click to expand...
 
I have a Common Access Card (CAC) at work to access certain government sites. Today, it was not working. My credentials were refused, questioned, ignored, refused again, missing, found, lost...
I took the CAC out of the reader and set it down.
I have an expired pass from a military base i visited two years sgo, and it looks a lot like a CAC. I got that and, in full view of the access card, cut the pass into slivers.
Brushed theat into the trash, put the CAC back and immediately accessed the site. I laughed triumphantly.

That's when i found out a manager had been watching me for some time.

"What are you doing?"
"Motivating compliance, actually. I think it was Gand Moff Tarkin who said, 'Fear will keep them in line.' Something like that."

Now i have an appointment with my Lead...for some reason.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I have a Common Access Card (CAC) at work to access certain government sites. Today, it was not working. My credentials were refused, questioned, ignored, refused again, missing, found, lost...
I took the CAC out of the reader and set it down.
I have an expired pass from a military base i visited two years sgo, and it looks a lot like a CAC. I got that and, in full view of the access card, cut the pass into slivers.
Brushed theat into the trash, put the CAC back and immediately accessed the site. I laughed triumphantly.

That's when i found out a manager had been watching me for some time.

"What are you doing?"
"Motivating compliance, actually. I think it was Gand Moff Tarkin who said, 'Fear will keep them in line.' Something like that."

Now i have an appointment with my Lead...for some reason.
Click to expand...
A favourite saying of Caligula was "Let them hate, as long as they fear", a phrase originally coined in Latin by Lucius Accius, as "Oderint dum metuant", which literally translates as "I was a smelly idiot until I encountered your mother's sister".
 
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Boss is working remote, so he has the opportunity to attend the group meeting by phone while driving his daughter to work.
So, they need breakfast. Stop at Dunkin. Order breakfast.
The incredibly professional peoples in the training support group meeting hear this and start making their orders. Bagel, muffin, bacon sandwich...
Boss doesn't realize that this teasing is being picked up by the drive-through microphone. Dunkinite dutifully rings it all up.

He's getting (he thinks) one coffee for him, coffee and sandwich for daughter. Bill of about $113.35.
 
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