Which movie did you watch today and how would you rate it?

[Jimmy Higgins]

If Dogma is 1 of 10, what in the world is Sharknado?

 

[DrZoidberg]

The angels motivations made no sense. Loki seemed to do everything he did because he was a cunt/bored with life. Didn't get Bartleby at all. Seemed to be all over the map. They're angels... I have no way of relating. And Smith didn't make them relatable IMHO. The bit about them becoming human when they lost their wings... dumb as fuck. They could have gone the existential route and tried to explore it. Nope. Just a thing that happened for no reason and that had zero impact on the story. Bartleby killing Loki.. just dumb. No tension. Zero stakes. It just happened.

Ok, so the girl was selected to prevent this because she's the great great.... great grand niece of Jesus. Ok, fine. They just failed to explain why this is relevant.

Also, Jay and Silent Bob are the profets. Ok, fine. But why and how? They failed to explain how being a profet works and what their role is in all this. They actually talk about it in the film. But no resolution. Never answered.

WTF is Rufus doing there? Why did he exist and why is he in the film. Same goes for Salma Hayek's character. Actually... same for all the characters bar Satan. But Satan's kids.. omg that was lame. How was the homeless person relevant in that film? How did the main character figure out she had to kill the homeless guy, and why did this kill her? And God being omnipotent just ruins all of the above even more. God is choosing not to fix this. Ok, why? The explanation in the film is that God goes AWOL sometimes. Ok.. but that's not how omnipotence works. I can drive a jumbo jet through that plot hole.

I thought the entire film was just a list of people doing random things resulting in random and unforseen consequences that ultimately don't matter. And in the end God anyway just shows up and fixes everything. So the entire film was a waste of time. This is the equivalent of a main character waking up in the end and says "it was only a dream". I hate that. At no point in the film did I give a shit about what would happen next. I was bored from start to finish.

Certainly there are a few plot holes and plot devices, but then again, this was the first time Smith tried making a movie with an actual plot. If you don't get why the homeless guy was there, then you missed a big part of that plot. The homeless guy was God, and as long as he was in a coma he was trapped in mortal form, unable to use his Godly abilities. In many ways the movie is mirroring the point that it is making about Christianity, there is no explanation that makes sense, you just have to accept that what you are told on faith. The protagonists have to keep the angels from proving that God is not omnipotent to keep them from destroying all that exists, but the fact that they have to do that proves that God is not omnipotent.

Ok. I didn't understand that. Thanks for clarifying. That's kind of clever actually. Didn't come across to me though. But even though it tries to show that Christian doctrine doesn't make sense doesn't help the coherence of the film. All that shows is that the film really doesn't make sense. At the end of the film I just found myself wondering if anything in the film mattered.

BTW, I can't stop watching this. Pure genius

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdynSFomo_s

- - - Updated - - -

If Dogma is 1 of 10, what in the world is Sharknado?

Eleven

 

[KeepTalking]

If Dogma is 1 of 10, what in the world is Sharknado?

Eleven

Seconded, but only with the Rfftrax commentary.

 

[prideandfall]

Ok. I didn't understand that.

that kind of sounds like it could describe your entire experience of viewing the movie actually.
since you've already mentioned so many details that you say you missed, here's a quick summary.

Show

- during the battle in heaven when satan tried to rebel, one of the Muses (jason lee) - not quite an angel, more of an ethereal concept of artistic inspiration with a body - didn't fight on either side, opting to be Sweden and be neutral and see how things panned out. after the war, god declared this Muse a bad guy and cast him out along with all of satan's followers and turns him into a demon. the Muse hates this banishment and considers it extremely unfair.

- one of the promises that jesus made to paul is that the word of the church is the word of god, and any declaration by the church is a declaration from god

- bartleby was the keeper of the flaming sword of god's divine vengeance, loki is a friend of his. when adam and eve were expelled from Eden, loki took pity on them and convinced bartleby to use the sword to give them the secret of fire. this act got them both cast out of heaven and banished to wisconsin (or whatever midwest state it was, i don't remember) for all time.

- george carlin's priest character announces that anyone who enters the church is cleansed of all sin and forgiven. due to the promise made by jesus to paul, this proclamation carries the direct weight of god's word.

- the fallen Muse (jason lee) 'inspires' bartleby and loki, giving them the idea to enter the church so that they can be forgiven and return to heaven (this is also why they go on the murder-spree, because they know they'll be washed of sin)

- if they enter the church and are forgiven, it will contradict their banishment, which was decreed as eternal. since the universe exists on the divinity of god's word, a contradiction will undo reality. the fallen Muse knows this, and it's why he triggers all these events in the first place, it's basically the only way he has to commit suicide.

- god likes to play shuffle board, and in order to not cheat, confines themselves in a mortal body with no godly powers while playing shuffle board.

- the fallen muse gets the stygian triplets to incapacitate god-in-hobo-form so god doesn't stop the angels from entering the chuch

- the metatron (alan rickman) taps the great-great-great-whatever of jesus because, as he explains to her in his first scene in her bedroom, the hierarchy of heaven is that the angels all have power but can't do anything with it without god's direction, so they're all crippled and they need a human who can act independently, and they figured why the hell not have it be the great-great-great-whatever of jesus.

- god being a woman (and alanis morissette at that) makes a LOT more sense if you remember when this movie came out (1999) because the idea of god being a woman, especially a kind of alt-rock feminist icon, was pretty scandalous at the time and that was the entire point.

- semla hyak is another Muse (like jason lee, only not fallen) who just helps them out because she doesn't want the universe to be undone.

that's why it was called 'dogma' in the first place.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Eleven

Seconded, but only with the Rfftrax commentary.

Even with the Rifftrax, that is a hard movie to swallow.

 

[DrZoidberg]

Ok. I didn't understand that.

that kind of sounds like it could describe your entire experience of viewing the movie actually.
since you've already mentioned so many details that you say you missed, here's a quick summary.

Show

- during the battle in heaven when satan tried to rebel, one of the Muses (jason lee) - not quite an angel, more of an ethereal concept of artistic inspiration with a body - didn't fight on either side, opting to be Sweden and be neutral and see how things panned out. after the war, god declared this Muse a bad guy and cast him out along with all of satan's followers and turns him into a demon. the Muse hates this banishment and considers it extremely unfair.

- one of the promises that jesus made to paul is that the word of the church is the word of god, and any declaration by the church is a declaration from god

- bartleby was the keeper of the flaming sword of god's divine vengeance, loki is a friend of his. when adam and eve were expelled from Eden, loki took pity on them and convinced bartleby to use the sword to give them the secret of fire. this act got them both cast out of heaven and banished to wisconsin (or whatever midwest state it was, i don't remember) for all time.

- george carlin's priest character announces that anyone who enters the church is cleansed of all sin and forgiven. due to the promise made by jesus to paul, this proclamation carries the direct weight of god's word.

- the fallen Muse (jason lee) 'inspires' bartleby and loki, giving them the idea to enter the church so that they can be forgiven and return to heaven (this is also why they go on the murder-spree, because they know they'll be washed of sin)

- if they enter the church and are forgiven, it will contradict their banishment, which was decreed as eternal. since the universe exists on the divinity of god's word, a contradiction will undo reality. the fallen Muse knows this, and it's why he triggers all these events in the first place, it's basically the only way he has to commit suicide.

- god likes to play shuffle board, and in order to not cheat, confines themselves in a mortal body with no godly powers while playing shuffle board.

- the fallen muse gets the stygian triplets to incapacitate god-in-hobo-form so god doesn't stop the angels from entering the chuch

- the metatron (alan rickman) taps the great-great-great-whatever of jesus because, as he explains to her in his first scene in her bedroom, the hierarchy of heaven is that the angels all have power but can't do anything with it without god's direction, so they're all crippled and they need a human who can act independently, and they figured why the hell not have it be the great-great-great-whatever of jesus.

- god being a woman (and alanis morissette at that) makes a LOT more sense if you remember when this movie came out (1999) because the idea of god being a woman, especially a kind of alt-rock feminist icon, was pretty scandalous at the time and that was the entire point.

- semla hyak is another Muse (like jason lee, only not fallen) who just helps them out because she doesn't want the universe to be undone.

that's why it was called 'dogma' in the first place.

I got all that. It was just the God as homeless person I missed. Didn't help me much though. It still just came across as convoluted rules that added nothing but boring dialogue. I felt sorry for Salma Hayek a couple of times. She had a lot of long explainy and boring dialogue. This thing that the Catholic church creates binding rules that God has to follow. Makes no sense. Even though Carlin as cardinal cracks me up.

 

[prideandfall]

It still just came across as convoluted rules that added nothing but boring dialogue.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Catholic_dogma

it was simply covering actual catholic truths.

This thing that the Catholic church creates binding rules that God has to follow. Makes no sense.

it does if you understand roman catholic dogma, that's the *whole point of the movie*
it's a satire, and you clearly didn't get it... which is fine, i'm not saying that to slag you or to say that the movie is better than you're giving it credit for, i'm just explaining the parts of the film you didn't seem to get.

 

[credoconsolans]

The angels motivations made no sense. Loki seemed to do everything he did because he was a cunt/bored with life. Didn't get Bartleby at all. Seemed to be all over the map. They're angels... I have no way of relating. And Smith didn't make them relatable IMHO. The bit about them becoming human when they lost their wings... dumb as fuck. They could have gone the existential route and tried to explore it. Nope. Just a thing that happened for no reason and that had zero impact on the story. Bartleby killing Loki.. just dumb. No tension. Zero stakes. It just happened.

Ok, so the girl was selected to prevent this because she's the great great.... great grand niece of Jesus. Ok, fine. They just failed to explain why this is relevant.

Also, Jay and Silent Bob are the profets. Ok, fine. But why and how? They failed to explain how being a profet works and what their role is in all this. They actually talk about it in the film. But no resolution. Never answered.

WTF is Rufus doing there? Why did he exist and why is he in the film. Same goes for Salma Hayek's character. Actually... same for all the characters bar Satan. But Satan's kids.. omg that was lame. How was the homeless person relevant in that film? How did the main character figure out she had to kill the homeless guy, and why did this kill her? And God being omnipotent just ruins all of the above even more. God is choosing not to fix this. Ok, why? The explanation in the film is that God goes AWOL sometimes. Ok.. but that's not how omnipotence works. I can drive a jumbo jet through that plot hole.

I thought the entire film was just a list of people doing random things resulting in random and unforseen consequences that ultimately don't matter. And in the end God anyway just shows up and fixes everything. So the entire film was a waste of time. This is the equivalent of a main character waking up in the end and says "it was only a dream". I hate that. At no point in the film did I give a shit about what would happen next. I was bored from start to finish.

Certainly there are a few plot holes and plot devices, but then again, this was the first time Smith tried making a movie with an actual plot. If you don't get why the homeless guy was there, then you missed a big part of that plot. The homeless guy was God, and as long as he was in a coma he was trapped in mortal form, unable to use his Godly abilities. In many ways the movie is mirroring the point that it is making about Christianity, there is no explanation that makes sense, you just have to accept that what you are told on faith. The protagonists have to keep the angels from proving that God is not omnipotent to keep them from destroying all that exists, but the fact that they have to do that proves that God is not omnipotent.

I adored Dogma. Thought it was funny as hell and very accurate as far as Catholicism was concerned. George Carlin as the douche bag priest was awesome.

 

[TSwizzle]

Special Correspondents, 6/10; Written, produced, directed and stars Ricky Gervais and co stars Eric Bana. A farcical comedy where Gervais and Bana are news correspondents for a low key radio station who are supposed to go to Ecuador to report on civil unrest. They lose their air tickets and passports and can't go but rather than admit to their incompetence decide to fake their report from a local restaurant. The hole they have dug for themselves just keeps getting deeper and hi-jinks ensue.The movie was OK, Gervais is consistent so if you have seen him before you will know what to expect from him.

 

[MarkW]

Assault on Precinct 13

7.5/10

This is John Carpenter's original 1976 version, and while it's not perfect, it's one of the classic examples of a good film made on a very modest budget. Carpenter was virtually a one-man show behind the camera, as he directed, wrote, edited and composed the score. The no-name cast (unless you count child actress Kim Richards in a small role) do a solid job and Carpenter keeps the pacing tight and the suspense level high.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Fan4stic - 2/10

The latest Fantastic Four movie just came our on Netflix and I couldn't fleet , so I decided to watch it. I started drifting off about halfway through and was our before the end. I won't go back to watch what I missed. What a load of drivel this nonsense was. Hopefully, they'll let the rights expire after this bomb and let Marvel take the franchise back.

 

[Sarpedon]

You couldn't fleet?

The meanings of fleet as a verb are pretty interesting.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

You couldn't fleet?

The meanings of fleet as a verb are pretty interesting.

Yes, I was trying to put a navy together to invade Guam (long story, not important right now) and it fell through for two main reasons.

1) I only actually know one person who owns a boat and he doesn't want to make me the admiral of it.
2) I don't actually know where Guam is.

This thwarting of my plans made me sad and I wanted to console myself by watching a movie, but then the movie sucked. It wasn't a good day for me.

 

[DrZoidberg]

The fall (10/10)

The story is irrelevant IMHO. It's just a vehicle for showing off gorgeous scenes. And wow... just wow. I've watched this several times with the sound off. It's mindblowingly pretty. The points are for originality and aesthetics.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fall_(2006_film)

 

[credoconsolans]

Captain America: Civil War
good solid film
7 out of 10

Deals with such issues as loyalty, government control versus personal freedoms, revenge and friendship.

Yeah and some of the fights are pretty cool.

Stark is one massive, emotional mess, full of contradictions and a lot of the plot moves forward because people aren't reminded often enough that to make an omelet you have to break some eggs. Considering the movie starts off

Show

by a character saying to 'break some eggs', he doesn't listen and lets himself be emotionally manipulated all the way through.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Captain America - Civil War: I like it when films like this come out because it helps me demonstrate I'm not a complete prick when it comes to criticizing movies. This film is spectacular. Acting, action, fight sequences, characters staying within character, super-hero movie feasibility check, it is all about as good as it gets. Now this is coming from a person who knows nothing of the source material and only what is on screen. I like how generally, the history in the timeline has consequences (not Babylon 5 perfect but pretty good). The story is very feasible.

The reviewer above me notes that the film does suffer a bit from people not speaking up enough, but I do think the film is consistent enough. Characters do raise their voice and overall, I think the plot moves forward thanks to some well thought out lines. Regarding Stark

Show

He is the problem. He tries to over fix things. So once again I think the film demonstrates Stark trying to do the right thing, the wrong way. Maybe one flaw is Vision and his analysis. Thor's world starts the shit on the planet, then the alien invasion. At this point, if not for the Avengers, the planet is toast. Then Hydra starts their thing, which came about due to Shield, not the Avengers. Finally Ultron... which is Stark's fault, not the Avengers... in fact Stark did it with Banner only. So if anything, Vision should fault him, not the Avengers, but lets not get too critical.

Regarding the film, it was very good up to one of the main climaxes and then just rips the film out of the park. The grand melee was incredible. The balance of the film, respectful plot developing lulls, action sequences, and humor were very well placed and paced. There were only a couple issues that seemed to go unanswered, which is great for a film like this.

Honestly, I don't know how you can make a better super-hero film.

4 of 4

I had read one of the few critical reviews, complaining this film was nothing but a teaser for the next Spiderman film. That reviewer should be fired. Now onto X-Men - Apocalypse. Singer is at the helm, but the preview felt like X-Men 3, not Days of Future Past.

 

[Colonel Sanders]

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

It's been nearly impossible to avoid knowing anything about this movie before seeing it, so going in knowing that it's story is an utter failure of the imagination wasn't so jarring. I won't bother with the details.

But by itself, was it a good movie?

I don't totally resent the $5.99 I paid to rent it. But maybe because I'm not 7 anymore, like when the original first came out, I expect more not just from the Star Wars franchise, but from any movie. The plot holes are fucking enormous when they didn't have to be, and I got this feeling that when one of these giant gaps or inconsistencies would rear its ugly head that the filmmakers said, "Fuck you, it's Star Wars; we can get away with it." And apparently there are more than enough people to justify them in believing that.

One example: It's only been 35 years or so since the Empire was defeated, but all the characters from that movie are already shrouded in myth and not believed to be real? That's idiotic. I don't care for cameos for the sake of cameos, and that's why they did that. I would have bought into some well-crafted bullshit about The Force preserving them for hundreds of years or something like that much more readily. It's just fucking lazy. And that's what it is with almost all big budget films these days; the writing seems like a chore--something to be done because people still have this idiotic, primitive desire to see a good story.

And is Mark Hamill worth a shit as an actor?

I suspect not. And now we're stuck with him for the next movie. Thankfully they killed Harrison Ford off so we don't have to suffer through another labored wink-wink performance aggravated even further by a bad script. It would have been nice if they'd have killed off Princess/General Leia too. Carrie Fisher does not and has not bought into that role in decades and it shows. C3P0 with a red arm? That's a teaser for the next movie?

The obligatory: special effects are great.

So the answer to the question of whether or not this is a good movie is NO. It's not all bad and it does have its moments, but some fuckhead coming up with the idea of a new deathstar inside a planet that charges its death ray by sucking up a sun is just retarded. It's not original; it's an outright theft that no viewer should have tolerated. For example: why not just kill the planet by sucking up its sun and simply let that energy disperse into space, thereby saving the time of then having to warm up and fire the weapon? And does not everyone know that a huge ring of rocks from a nearby orbiting body that is now orbiting a planet will begin to land on it and wipe out all life there??? The more I write about this flick, the more it sucks.

Coming up with new story lines and events is really hard to do. This movie didn't want to try and so instead relied on millions of people coming out to see it just because it's Star Wars. I hope the next movie fails horribly because of the things that are so bad about this one. But it won't.

4/10

 

[credoconsolans]

One example: It's only been 35 years or so since the Empire was defeated,

It really wasn't defeated. It was simply renamed. As expected in such situations, just because you chopped off the head doesn't mean there aren't a lot of frustrated wannabes who think they should be next in the top seat. Which is what happened.

Basically they reached a detente of sorts.

Those systems that wanted nothing to do with Empire OR Republic are doing their own thing. The New Republic carved out its own niche, living side by side with the First Order/Old Empire.

For example: why not just kill the planet by sucking up its sun and simply let that energy disperse into space, thereby saving the time of then having to warm up and fire the weapon? And does not everyone know that a huge ring of rocks from a nearby orbiting body that is now orbiting a planet will begin to land on it and wipe out all life there??? The more I write about this flick, the more it sucks.

Bingo. If you do stop and even give the movie a LITTLE thought, it falls apart as garbage.

Yeah, let's suck up ALL the sun. Just wait, muhahahah, in another 10,000 years when we're done sucking it all up, and our planet is sent spinning out into space because the gravity fields have collapsed and fallen apart you're going to be BIG trouble!

 

[Sarpedon]

Also, keep in mind Rey grew up on planet dumbfuckistan in a society based on scavenging parts. Just as people in the USA think the moonlanding was a hoax, and vaccines an evil conspiracy, it is not hard to believe that people in such a society might have a distorted view of the galaxy. Fin, despite having only what passes for an education given to child-soldiers in between their fighting training knew what was what.

Also, I have positive hopes for Hamill, as everyone loves his voice work. Possibly, his many years of voicing (and to a lesser extent, acting) more emotionally complex characters might mean that he's improved. And there's every reason to think he's more emotionally committed to this role than Ford was to his.

 

[credoconsolans]

Also, keep in mind Rey grew up on planet dumbfuckistan in a society based on scavenging parts. Just as people in the USA think the moonlanding was a hoax, and vaccines an evil conspiracy, it is not hard to believe that people in such a society might have a distorted view of the galaxy. Fin, despite having only what passes for an education given to child-soldiers in between their fighting training knew what was what.

This part I agree with. Rey only knows what she's heard. I don't see her tuned into the latest Galaxy Wide news.