Nope. There's no objective measure of who is on any part of the political spectrum,
The political spectrum is indeed a crude measure at best. The two-dimensional political compass is better, but still not perfect.
but as far as I can tell conservatives tend to believe highly in nationalism "'Murica is greatest country in the world!" (and whatnot),
They indeed do go overboard, but then again, the fauxgressives go overboard in the opposite direction about how horrible US is. Oh, and I have only ever seen "Murika" used by the left (Elixir is very fond of it for example).
a traditionalist belief system (blue hair is bad and scary!),
The hair thing is used to mock stereotypical features of a certain kind of fauxgressive. And likewise, fauxgressives will often mock conservatives for their stereotypical features like, I don't know, oversized pickup trucks.
"strong borders" (gubmit can do whatever they want to them illegals! And whatnot),
I think strong borders are important for a sovereign country. I can still object to things like sanctuary cities and "catch and release" and a the same time object to how Trump's ICE is going about enforcing immigration laws.
being "tough on crime" (i.e. basically allowing cops to do whatever the fuck they want),
Again, being a moderate independent, I see it in a more nuanced way. Cops should obviously not be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want. Not even conservatives advocate that. They do advocate criminalizing too many things though.
I am for smart approach to crime. On serious crimes we need to be tougher. Especially for teenagers who in many cases face hardly any consequences even for things like carjackings.
4 teens released to parents after arrest for carjacking in northeast Baltimore
CBS News said:
You don't have to be a conservative to find soft-on-crime policies like this idiotic.
But there are too many things made illegal that should not be. I am also in favor of bail reform, as long as it is implemented well. The NY law was definitely not a good one. It forbade judges from imposing bail or jail even when the suspect is arrested over and over again, which career criminals then use to maximum effect. The NY law also forbids judges from considering danger to community as a factor in bail/jail decisions.
to name a few things that can make a "conservative" a conservative.
All of these issues have extreme fauxgressive and conservative positions, but also a wide range of moderate positions in between the extremes.