DrZoidberg
Contributor
Coming from decades of being in open relationships sluty women being shamed and virginity being upheld as a virtue isn't something that comes from men. Women do that to each other. Women have capacity of much more sex than men do. The moment men stop being selfish and jealous and "share" their women, there's more sex for everybody.
When entering into the open/poly world men and women react along different lines.
The men who are jealous and have problems with it have very serious issues. They have something seriously wrong in the head. It's nearly always something weird and random. Some deep seated insecurity. If it was natural, then we'd expect to see some clear pattern. But it's all nuts. A quite common hang up is feelings of inadequecy. Which is cute. But doesn't explain why they would have a problem with his woman sleeping with another man. He's not going to become more adequate if they're monogamous. It's supremely irrational, ie just nuts. But, like I said, men's problems with open relationships are most often just bizarre.
Women are the ones who call each other sluts and shame other women for sleeping around. If they have a problem with open relationships it's usually because they're genuinely emotionally monogamous. They need to be in love with the men they sleep with and only have capacity to love one man at a time. I say usually. Because a lot of women of course are into open relationships. More women than men. And are cool with it. Men typically struggle more in open relationships than women.
My take away from my experiences with this world is that shaming women for their sexuality is what women do to each other (perhaps something innate) and something men have to be taught to do.
Men love slutty women. It makes no sense that a confident man in touch with his sexuality (and who isn't crazy) would have any problem with women sleeping around with whoever. A lot of men think they will. But once in the open relationship world and get over the initial shock, they're like fish in water.
Just my two cents.
Always good to get your two cents on what women think and feel and why they do what they do. Not sure how women manage without such valuable male perspectives.
I particularly enjoyed the inherent sense of ownership sprinkled throughout that post.
I hope you mean, lack of it? Otherwise I'm a bit confused. Open relationships are above all else characterized by a lack of ownership. That's the whole point of them. Put in contrast with, the rest of society.
Me and my girlfriend now have no rules at all about who either of us are allowed to sleep with, and that's the way we both like it. Both of us realized this is how we want to live early in life and neither of us have ever had a serious monogamous relationship. Both of us find the sense of ownership of each others sexuality in the monogamous world a total turn off.