Things that make you laugh...

[Keith&Co.]

Just had lunch at a drive-thru.
Bill was $12.05. I gave her a $20 and a nickel.
She handed me 8 cents.


I must have looked like Tucker Carlson for a second, there. Part of my brain setting the type for the "You done me wrong" response, another part, a big part, trying to deconstruct what in the blue blazes sort of math error leads to 20.05 minus 12.05 equals .08.

One look at my expression and she yanked the money back. "SHIT! I gave you eight cents instead of eight dollars!"
We laughed, but she had to gef the manager to unlock the drawer. Manager watched her put in four coins, take out gour bills. Now SHE is trying to figure out what sort of change error was that big.... "Cheryl? A word?"

Brief wait while th at was straightened out. Then the official apology.

I was fine, we all have those moments. She tried real hard to make sure i not going to Karen at her or over her head. Wasn't quite prepared to take my, 'no biggie.'

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Just had lunch at a drive-thru.
Bill was $12.05. I gave her a $20 and a nickel.
She handed me 8 cents.


I must have looked like Tucker Carlson for a second, there. Part of my brain setting the type for the "You done me wrong" response, another part, a big part, trying to deconstruct what in the blue blazes sort of math error leads to 20.05 minus 12.05 equals .08.

One look at my expression and she yanked the money back. "SHIT! I gave you eight cents instead of eight dollars!"
We laughed, but she had to gef the manager to unlock the drawer. Manager watched her put in four coins, take out gour bills. Now SHE is trying to figure out what sort of change error was that big.... "Cheryl? A word?"

Brief wait while th at was straightened out. Then the official apology.

I was fine, we all have those moments. She tried real hard to make sure i not going to Karen at her or over her head. Wasn't quite prepared to take my, 'no biggie.'

Unit error was my first thought when you described what happened.

 

[Angry Floof]

Just had lunch at a drive-thru.
Bill was $12.05. I gave her a $20 and a nickel.
She handed me 8 cents.


I must have looked like Tucker Carlson for a second, there. Part of my brain setting the type for the "You done me wrong" response, another part, a big part, trying to deconstruct what in the blue blazes sort of math error leads to 20.05 minus 12.05 equals .08.

One look at my expression and she yanked the money back. "SHIT! I gave you eight cents instead of eight dollars!"
We laughed, but she had to gef the manager to unlock the drawer. Manager watched her put in four coins, take out gour bills. Now SHE is trying to figure out what sort of change error was that big.... "Cheryl? A word?"

Brief wait while th at was straightened out. Then the official apology.

I was fine, we all have those moments. She tried real hard to make sure i not going to Karen at her or over her head. Wasn't quite prepared to take my, 'no biggie.'

Unit error was my first thought when you described what happened.

Smarty pants. Stop making Keith look dumb. It could affect his self esteem.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Just had lunch at a drive-thru.
Bill was $12.05. I gave her a $20 and a nickel.
She handed me 8 cents.


I must have looked like Tucker Carlson for a second, there. Part of my brain setting the type for the "You done me wrong" response, another part, a big part, trying to deconstruct what in the blue blazes sort of math error leads to 20.05 minus 12.05 equals .08.

One look at my expression and she yanked the money back. "SHIT! I gave you eight cents instead of eight dollars!"
We laughed, but she had to gef the manager to unlock the drawer. Manager watched her put in four coins, take out gour bills. Now SHE is trying to figure out what sort of change error was that big.... "Cheryl? A word?"

Brief wait while th at was straightened out. Then the official apology.

I was fine, we all have those moments. She tried real hard to make sure i not going to Karen at her or over her head. Wasn't quite prepared to take my, 'no biggie.'

Unit error was my first thought when you described what happened.

Smarty pants. Stop making Keith look dumb. It could affect his self esteem.

Hahahaha! Good one! Like my self esteem wasn't rooted in my ability to do crosswords and sudoku in ink. Other people are smart? Smarter? Good on them.

Of course, last week's 'cheese lover' clue turned out to be mouse, not Keith. Dammit.

 

[Keith&Co.]

About seven or eight contractors work with Special Projects to train the sailors that operate our weapon systems on SSBNs and SSGNs.
They upgraded the database management system with all our curricula two weeks ago. Expected to be down for three days. System was out that entire week, the following week, and weekends. It's not all the way back up yet.
It's working for some people, not others.
No one's entirely sure where the problem is. They don't even recognize all the error messages we're getting.
My login was 40 minutes yesterday, 12 minutes today. Then the computer rebooted spontaneously and i was back to 40 minutes. Like the motherboard suddenly realized what it had done. "Whoops! Gotta take it back!"

So when i see people resisting the Vaccine because of a fear of some sort of mind control system being injected, i have to laugh.

A project to spread that sort of tech through the population would be instantly detectable. Not from people turning magnetic, but from the control systems that worked in the lab going wonky in the field.

All redheads suddenly cannot say 'perspicacious.' It'd be a while before anyone noticed, but then it'd be an internet challenge. Everyone would film their attempts to say the word, filling the comments with 'you're not a real redhead' and 'you don't know how to say it anyway, moron!'

Anyone passing a Shell gas station would lift their pinky fingers like tea drinkers in Victorian plays.

Certain ring tones cause the phone's owner to recite the witches' dialogue from MacBeth, including the cackling.

And on election day every fourth vaccinated person walks into a wall.

Seriously, the same people that scofff at weather forecasts because 'science ain't the hot shit it thinks it is' are afraid that we can DEPENDABLY coordinate THREE HUNDRED MILLION people in any meaningful way.
Think about it. If we could do this, we'd have dosed Congress by now, and Mitch would approve every bill we told him to.
Or if the other side could do this, Nancy Pelosi would have exploded during the SOTU.

 

[Angry Floof]

I made this.

 

[Hermit]

I made this.

Metaphilosifeesers

 

[Elixir]

 

[hyzer]

Over in the caption contest thread this appeared:

Along with this winning caption by blastula: "Houston, TX - March 12, 1992. Elizabeth Holmes pitching her time machine startup to local investors. Her company would reach a peak valuation of 10 billion pogs."

I found this caption just the best, hilarious particularly if you have ever heard Elizabeth Holmes tell her story, with a straight face, about how she created a time machine, “filling up entire notebooks with detailed engineering drawings.” When she tells this story, she is serious. She is reflecting on this accomplishment like an actual entry on her resume . . . .

Which leads me to my story. In about 1969 or so, at the age of 9 or 10, I must have seen the movie Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea on TV. And since I liked to draw, and since my Dad was an engineer and naval architect (at the time a Commander in the US Navy), I set out to design my own submarine. Sitting at my little desk, I drew my submarine in cross section, including the control room with the periscope location clearly shown. Torpedo tubes in front, propeller out back, bunk room, mess rooms and everything else that I could think to cram in. I even used the side of my pencil and rubbed the drawing over a textured vinyl table cloth to represent the water around the sub (that was my Mom's idea, thanks Mom).


A few days later my Dad slipped my drawing into his brief and took it to work. One of the men in his office wrote up an official US Navy Letter of Accomplishment in Submarine Design and Undersea Warfare. It was signed, sealed and returned to me where stayed hung over my desk for several years (until I gravitated more toward an interest in the design of buildings).



But at no time in my adult life (as a licensed practicing architect) have I ever claimed that I actually designed a submarine . . .

 

[Elixir]

 

[ZiprHead]

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Windflies?

I was out hiking, across the valley there was a wind farm. I got back after dark so I got to see the anticollision lights blinking on the tops of the windmills. Other than being red it looked a lot like nature documentaries with trees full of fireflies all blinking in unison.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Letter to teh editor (from my Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar):

There's been a lot of talk about the drought, lately, but has anyone stopped to think of the impact daylight savings has had on the climate? The extra hour of sunlight causes more evaporation and therefore drought. The two states that don't have daylight savings, QUeensland and WA, are not in drought. It seems to me we never had drought in the country before daylight savings came along.

 

[Hermit]

 

[Elixir]

 

[Angry Floof]

He's not missing Shark Week!

 

[Keith&Co.]

Holy crap!
I have sometimes heard stories told about events i witnessed. The older i get, somehow the more stories i hear told about something i did or participated in ("So, one of the interns comes into the Program office, all confused about 'There was this guy in a dinosaur suit running around distributing candy...' and we said, 'Yeah. He does that.' ") Today my son completes the 'I Am A Sea Story' achievement.

In about 2005, he went to High School with a bottle of hot sauce i brought back from Florida. It had crossed bones on the label. The stopper was shaped as a human skull. The instructions were very clear. You dipped a toothpick in the bottle, ONCE, stabbed your food, and then ate it.
An upper classman watchd this, thought it was a stupid, wimpie way to use hot sauce, grabbed the bottle and doused his food.
They ended up taking him to the nurse's office. Within a day, it was a rule that no outside condiments were allowed on campus.

So, today, my supervisor's kid goes to the same school. The 'condiments contraband' rule came up. He asked why. Was told, "There was this kid, his mom was a teacher, brought in this hot sauce from Guatemala. Dared some people to put it on their food, and three kids went to the HOSPITAL!"

 

[Keith&Co.]

Evidently, my wife's work group discussion got on the topic of men's married fidelity. All the men, married and single, swore fidelity. At least to the current significant interest. All the married women believed their spouses were true.
My wife reported a conversation we had once.
"Would you cheat on me with a coworker?"
"Of course not."
"Would you cheat on me with a Playboy Playmate?"
"Never."
After a moment of thought, she asked, "Would you cheat on me with Lieutenant Uhura?"
"............... What would she be wearing, hypothetically speaking?"

 

[TV and credit cards]

Letter to teh editor (from my Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar):

There's been a lot of talk about the drought, lately, but has anyone stopped to think of the impact daylight savings has had on the climate? The extra hour of sunlight causes more evaporation and therefore drought. The two states that don't have daylight savings, QUeensland and WA, are not in drought. It seems to me we never had drought in the country before daylight savings came along.

Every time we try to spring ahead, we end up falling back. Our true enemy has shown its face.

 

[gmbteach]

Letter to teh editor (from my Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar):

There's been a lot of talk about the drought, lately, but has anyone stopped to think of the impact daylight savings has had on the climate? The extra hour of sunlight causes more evaporation and therefore drought. The two states that don't have daylight savings, QUeensland and WA, are not in drought. It seems to me we never had drought in the country before daylight savings came along.

Yep, and apparently the cows get confused and your curtains fade quicker.