ABOUT BARBIE (The doll not the movie.)

[AthenaAwakened]

ABOUT BARBIE (The doll not the movie.)

When I was nine years old, I wanted a Barbie Townhouse. Now understand, I had no Barbies. Never really wanted a Barbie. I liked baby dolls, but I wanted a Barbie Townhouse. It was three stories tall and most importantly, it had an elevator.

I wanted that elevator.

I did have a doll I could put in the townhouse. I had a Derry Daring so I figured I'd put her in the townhouse. Derry had a working motorcycle and she could jump things on her motorcycle.

I wanted that motorcycle.

I think I had figured out what the important thing was about these types of dolls.

It wasn't the dolls.

It was their stuff.

And once you had their stuff, the dolls were interchangeable.

In the Barbie movie (spoiler alert) the Kens say they want the Barbies' love, but they windup just taking the Barbies' stuff.

The plastic Barbie stuff is what's important in a plastic Barbie world.

I never got a Barbie Townhouse.

My parents just couldn't see spending $50 on a house with no walls, no matter how cool the elevator.

A house without walls would be silly.

That's Barbie, isn't it?

A townhouse with an elevator but no walls. A townhouse with her name on it, but any doll that fits can live in it.

Years later, I did have a Barbie tee shirt. It said, "I hate Barbie. The bitch has everything."

Everything that's cool.

Everything but walls.

From the Harriet T. and Ida B. gun club and sewing circle, this is me, and I'm jessayin'

 

[Gospel]

My sister once inherited a Ken and Barbie set complete with their house from an affluent neighbor when we lived in the Bronx. From the same generous neighbor, I received several toys, including G.I. Joe action figures—with Storm Shadow and Destro being my favorites—and Transformers, where I was particularly fond of Starscream and Bumblebee.

Sometimes, I'd concoct scenarios where G.I. Joe and the Transformers would temporarily set aside their differences to venture into the 'hostile territory' of my sister's room. Their mission? To overthrow the reigning monarchs, Ken and Barbie. These were entertaining escapades for me, but my sister didn't always share my enthusiasm. I'll never forget the tragic loss of my beloved action figure, Snake Eyes, who met his end when my sister tore him apart. He was a valiant soldier.

RIP Snake Eyes - 1985.

 

[Politesse]

never forget the tragic loss of my beloved action figure, Snake Eyes, who met his end when my sister tore him apart. He was a valiant soldier.

Wow. I would still be grieving.

 

[thebeave]

Apparently, there was a Wheelchair Barbie that came out a few years ago to appeal to handicapped girls, but the people on the design team failed to check if Wheelchair Barbie could fit in the Barbie Townhouse elevator. She couldn't. Wheelchair Barbie was subsequently dropped from the product line, followed by management reportedly saying, "nothing to see here...move along".

 

[Gospel]

never forget the tragic loss of my beloved action figure, Snake Eyes, who met his end when my sister tore him apart. He was a valiant soldier.

Wow. I would still be grieving.

Honestly I deserved it. On that particular invasion my sister was actually present and she was the God to which the monarchs were granted authority over all earthlings. Snake Eyes struck first after emerging from the shadows for an ambush attack directly against their God. After what happened to Snake Eyes everyone else cut ass out of there and the attack was called off.

 

[Toni]

My older sibling got a Barbie, the first model that came out with a 'bubble' hair cut: no more high and tight ponytail. That short, stylish hairstyle was my mother's dream. And my older sister was my mother's dream child: smart, compliant, the enforcer in the family and wanted to be a school teacher so she spent a lot of time playing teacher with the younger siblings, leaving some time for Mom to smoke and gossip with her friends. I, second child and never quite reaching second best status, got the knock off, Tammy, who was taller, thicker, with a flatter chest and much less intricate wardrobe. Barbie of the early 60's had a great wardrobe, complete with metal zippers and snaps, not that cheap plastic velcro. She explained to me that a real Barbie was maybe too mature for a girl my age. I got the message: Knock off was good enough for me. I don't remember my sister playing with her Barbie very much, but I was enthralled with her clothes, her breasts and her tippy toe feet, which looked uncomfortable. I also didn't play with Barbie much (she wasn't mine so WASN'T ALLOWED) and I never remember playing with Tammy once. But Barbie DID inspire me to design many elaborate fancy dresses when I was far too young to attempt to execute them with anything other than a pencil and crayon.

For my generation of women, Barbie was an anti-feminist icon, based on a sex toy and marketed for ever younger girls. I know that there were career Barbies even when I was a small child, but we never heard of them. I grew to hate Barbie as everything cultural that I felt was foisted on girls and women: pretty, pink, plastic.

I did kinda want her convertible, though. Even if it was pink. I would have had it painted red or maybe electric blue.

Years later, I struggled mightily with my own daughter's lust for Barbie, caving and buying her one, I think, but friends/family purchased her more. I tried and tried but I was no good at playing Barbie, mostly because even as an adult, I thought Barbie should be an explorer and not a princess (seriously: who wants to be a princess? WHY? Queen, I could see but princess? Yuck). But one of my favorite memories is of my oldest son patiently sitting on his sister's bed, playing Barbie with her, him using the very much out-sized by Barbie GI Joes and patiently helping her dress and undress Barbies.

And the time my daughter and her friend used an ENTIRE BOTTLE of No More Tangles on the hair of two Barbies and hid the evidence in her closet.

 

[Politesse]

1985 was a good year.

 

[Gospel]

The Day the Mansion Toppled

About half a year after losing Snake Eyes, our neighbor kindly gifted us some more second-hand toys. Among them was a controversial Stretch Armstrong Hulk, which, I later discovered, was discontinued due to a lawsuit. On that particular day, a skirmish broke out between my sister and me, initiated by her, which thrust me into a defensive stance. Yet, the men in our family disproportionately reprimanded me, deeming my act of self-defense unjustifiable against a sibling.

Overwhelmed by emotion, I retreated to my room, where my toy comrades and I hatched a plan to demolish the much-loathed Barbie mansion. Hulk, with his renowned strength and resilience, was unanimously elected for this mission. He launched a one-toy assault and left the mansion in ruins. Sadly, Hulk never rejoined our ranks. It was only years later that I learned from the ultimate authority (my mother) that he had been discarded.

 

[Elixir]

Why has there never been a Boudicca doll for little girls? Seems like a more practical role model…

 

[Gospel]

She would have been a great addition to my team Elixir!

 

[Thomas II]

Apparently, there was a Wheelchair Barbie that came out a few years ago to appeal to handicapped girls, but the people on the design team failed to check if Wheelchair Barbie could fit in the Barbie Townhouse elevator. She couldn't. Wheelchair Barbie was subsequently dropped from the product line, followed by management reportedly saying, "nothing to see here...move along".

https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/18/opinions/wheelchair-barbie-long-overdue-blake/index.html#:~:text=In 1997, the company introduced,and she was eventually discontinued.

"CNN —
Barbie is getting a new set of wheels – one that’s long overdue and a serious game-changer.

Last week, Mattel unveiled two new Barbies as part of its Fashionista line: Barbie in a wheelchair and Barbie with a prosthetic leg. Kim Culmone, Vice President of Barbie Design, told Teen Vogue that one of the most frequent requests Mattel received was for a doll in a wheelchair. In addition to listening to its customers, the company worked with people with disabilities to bring the dolls to life in the most accurate way possible."

 

[Thomas II]

Why has there never been a Boudicca doll for little girls? Seems like a more practical role model…
View attachment 44007

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Ukrainian sniper Barbie

 

[Gospel]

If THAT was my sister's Barbie we would have lost the war much sooner than we ultimately did.

The Unraveling After the Barbie Mansion's Fall

With the mansion in ruins, an irate deity loomed above, even as a temporary tranquility blanketed the land below. The Transformers and G.I. Joe, having momentarily set aside their differences, resumed their internal feuds. Life appeared to be returning to its usual rhythm, until Storm Shadow's mysterious disappearance.

This absence was the first hint that our ranks were thinning. An increasing number of our key allies were nowhere to be found. From Optimus Prime and Trap Jaw of the He-Man clan to Starscream, our forces dwindled rapidly. Starscream's vanishing was especially alarming. Why would he depart just when seizing power seemed most achievable?

In desperation, the Transformers and G.I. Joe established another truce to determine the root of these abrupt disappearances. This state of high alert persisted for months, and one by one, our champions vanished, leaving only Destro, Bumblebee, and a few lesser-known comrades.

Our pleas to the supreme overseer (my mother), yielded no answers. The ongoing feud between the Transformers and G.I. Joe was suspended indefinitely, and all efforts to challenge my sister's reign ceased. By the time I transitioned from a pre-teen to teenage deity, even Destro had faded from our realm.

Ultimately, as we reached our adulthood, my sister confessed: she had been discarding my toys one by one on her way to school. The mystery of the lost warriors was finally solved & the ultimate victor of the war revealed.

 

[Politesse]

Why has there never been a Boudicca doll for little girls? Seems like a more practical role model…
View attachment 44007

Clothes are wrong.

"In stature she was very tall, in appearance most terrifying, in the glance of her eye most fierce, and her voice was harsh; a great mass of the tawniest hair fell to her hips; around her neck was a large golden necklace; and she wore a tunic of divers colours over which a thick mantle was fastened with a brooch. This was her invariable attire." ~Cassius Dio

Image from Samuel Rush Meyrick's The Costume of the Original Inhabitants of the British Islands from the Earliest Periods to the Sixth Century

 

[Emily Lake]

My sister and I had Barbies when we were young. But yeah - it was never actually about the doll, it was about the stuff. We never had the townhouse - pretty sure my mom and yours were on the same page with that, Athena.

I did, however, have a whole bunch of lincoln logs, building blocks, and tinker toys, so barbie got some very "inventive" abodes. We also had a few GI Joes, though I have no idea which. They were way more interesting than Ken - he was boring.

My friend down the road had a Brooke Shields doll... and I was very envious. Brooke had the BEST clothes, and they weren't all smothered in pink. Plus, Brooke was TALLER than Barbie, and had brown hair, and had this nifty travel bag that fit the doll on one side and clothes - on hangers! - on the other side. It was neat.

Unfortunately for Barbie... my sister and I also had scissors and markers. I think we had a grand total of about 5 Barbies, shared between us, in our entire lives... because they never made it more than about a month before they got a make-over. Lots of spiky hair-dos and mohawks, with punk-rock KISS inspired make up. Our Barbies were metal AF.

Years later, when my first niece was a kid, she went through an intense Barbie phase where she was obsessed with them. Her parents always got her the stereotypical blonde, blue eyed Barbie. My husband and I spent about 5 years making sure that every birthday and christmas we presented her with a Barbie from somewhere else around the world, with a different skin color and hair type. It gave us a strange kind of joy that my niece LOVED the international Barbies, and that it irritated the hell out of my sister in law.

 

[Elixir]

I never got the point of Barbie, GI Joe or any other human likeness that wasn't animated.
I tried to like Lincoln Logs - not much versatility there. The thing that engaged me was the erector set. When I got the one with the little electric motor that let you make stuff that DID stuff - that was what held my fascination. Mostly though, I was into wandering into the woods with the dogs. Nobody told me there were dangers there other than copperheads ("Don't let the dogs get bit!"), and there was no limit to new things and animals to see ...

 

[Elixir]

Why has there never been a Boudicca doll for little girls? Seems like a more practical role model…
View attachment 44007

Clothes are wrong.

"In stature she was very tall, in appearance most terrifying, in the glance of her eye most fierce, and her voice was harsh; a great mass of the tawniest hair fell to her hips; around her neck was a large golden necklace; and she wore a tunic of divers colours over which a thick mantle was fastened with a brooch. This was her invariable attire." ~Cassius Dio

Image from Samuel Rush Meyrick's The Costume of the Original Inhabitants of the British Islands from the Earliest Periods to the Sixth Century

That looks pretty close to T2's rendering. The guys in the background don't look too damn sure about it though.

 

[James Brown]

I have a friend--in her sixties--who is proud of her Barbie collection. She has some limited editions still in the original box.

Whenever the subject comes up, she brags that some of these editions have been selling for four figures. But when asked if she'll sell them, she's offended. "NO! They're cherished heirlooms!"

Which makes me wonder if one can really put a price tag on something that one would never dream of selling.

 

[Gospel]

Unfortunately for Barbie... my sister and I also had scissors and markers. I think we had a grand total of about 5 Barbies, shared between us, in our entire lives... because they never made it more than about a month before they got a make-over. Lots of spiky hair-dos and mohawks, with punk-rock KISS inspired make up. Our Barbies were metal AF.

Had my sister's Barbie resembled yours, there would've been no discord between the deities & Snake Eyes and the entire team might still be by my side today.