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Joke gallery

What do you call 2 gay guys named Bob?
Oral Roberts.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.


What's the difference between a lawyer and a banty rooster?
The rooster clucks defiant.
 
A man answers the doorbell and finds a young cop at the door. The cop hands him a drivers license and says, "Uh, could you look at that, please? Is that your wife?"
The man says, "Yes."
The cop says, "Oh my gosh. It...it looks like she was hit by a bus."
The man says, "Oh, well, I know that, but she's good with the kids."
 
An older couple talk over breakfast. The wife says, "I had a funny dream last night. I was in Walmart for hours and hours."
The husband says, "I dreamed I was naked with three women."
The wife says, "And was I one of them?"
He says, "No, you were at Walmart."
 
A completely trashed mom drags her two sons up to the WalMart entrance. She's in zebra-print stretch pants that barely hold her fat ass, and she's got on an XXL Hard Rock Cafe tee shirt with ketchup stains. Her boys are punching each other, and she's screaming non-stop obscenities at them.
The greeter sees this hot mess coming and tries to distract them. He says, "Welcome to WalMart. What an active pair of kids you have. Are they twins?"
The mom says, "Hell no they aint twins. This un's six and that un's nine. Twins??? Are you blind or just a dumb ass?"
The greeter says, "Neither one, ma'am. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that someone would fuck you twice."
 
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A farm boy is sitting on the porch when the farmer from down the road pulls up in his pickup. The farmer shouts, "Where's your pa?"
The boy says, "He's in town."
The farmer says, "Well, you listen good. When he gets back, you tell him that your brother got my little Liza pregnit, and I want to know what your pa plans to do about it."
The boy thinks for a minute and says, "Well, he usually gits fifty dollars for the use of our bull. I don't what he's gonna want for Elmer."
 
Old Mrs. Johnson is pruning her rose bush when she hears a noise next door. She looks over the bush and sees the neighbor's little girl digging a hole. She says, "What are you doing, Angel?"
Without looking up, Angel says, "I'm making a hole to bury my goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson says, "I'm so sorry. But why are you making the hole so big?"
Angel says, "'Cause your goddamned cat ate it."
 
A farm boy is late for school. When his teacher demands an explanation, he hems and haws and finally says, "I had to take the bull down to the pasture to mate with our cow."
The teacher says, "Well, couldn't your pa do that?"
The boy says, "Sure, but our cow likes the bull better."
 
A few jokes for the holy weekend.

What's a reverse exorcism? That's when the demon commands the priest to pull out of the child.

If Jesus was aborted, would Mary be pregnant again in 3 days?

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for 16 centuries? A church.

What's the biggest drawback to atheism? No one to talk to during a blow job.
 
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