Joke gallery

[angelo]

Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A. A bad lawyer can let a case drag on for several years , while a good lawyer can make it last even longer.

 

[angelo]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of Buffalo? A lawyer charges more.

 

[angelo]

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a Flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The Flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "That'll teach me t' order w'out readin' the menu, first."

Stolen!! I hope you don't mind me sharing this on Facebook. [emoji10] [emoji2]

What do you call it when a cruise ship carrying a lawyers' convention hits a WW II mine floating in the ocean and 852 lawyers drown?

What do you say when red smoke billows in a group of lawyers?

Show

Red smoke on target, fire for effect.

 

[Achwienichtig]

A masochist walked into a bar. It hurt so bad he had to do it again.

 

[George S]

A TRUE sadist is kind to masochists.

 

[angelo]

I'll never forget that terrifying moment I saw my first grey pubic hair. It was on a kebab!

 

[angelo]

Did you hear about the international Frisbee player who died after catching something that was going around?

 

[Achwienichtig]

The word is syphilis is highly contagious. Spread it around.

 

[Achwienichtig]

What did the technician say after a long day at the condom factory?

Show

"Whelp, that's a wrap!"

 

[angelo]

I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet and he sent me a goat with a long neck. It turned out I'd phoned Dial-A-Llama.

 

[bilby]

The other day, I was horrified to find a group of kids playing football with a hedgehog.

I was about to call the police, then I realised the hedgehog was beating them 4-0.

 

[gmbteach]

The Australian Cricket Team!

 

[angelo]

Two young boys were attending a wedding. One asked the other. "How many men can a woman marry?"
"Sixteen," came the reply.
"How do know that?"
"Easy. All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said, four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer."

 

[gmbteach]

 

[angelo]

http://xaxor.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Witty-replies-to-written-notes6.jpg

 

[George S]

I changed the url tags to img tags.

 

[laughing dog]

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

 

[angelo]

A young woman went to confession. She said to the priest: "bless me father, for I have sinned. Last night my boyfriend made love to me seven times."
The priest said. " You must go home and suck the juice of seven lemons. "
" Will that absolve me?" asked the young woman.
"No, but it will take that smug look off your face." replied the priest.

 

[angelo]

I changed the url tags to img tags.

Okay, thanks. I'm having some problems posting images on this damn tablet.

 

[angelo]

http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/daily_picdump_1885_640_01.jpg