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There was a man from Japan
Whose verses never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He answered, "Because...
I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

His brother thought quite the reverse,
And said, "When I write a verse,
I think it is fine
To make the last line
Terse."

There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate green apples and died,
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.

The Limerick, everyone knows,
Is the lowest of poetry's lows.
And this one should prove
that it ought to behoove one
to leave writing poems to the pros(e)

I copied/pasted the above and sent it to my son; this is what he emailed back:

Mary had a little lamb

She kept it in a bucket

And every time the lamb jumped out

The little dog tried to...

... Put it back in again
 
OK

Jack & Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill came down with half-a-crown,
'Cos she did
What she 'adn't ought ter.

There was a young woman called Maud,
Who thought all babes came from God.
But it wasn't the Almighty
That lifted her nighty,
It was Roger the lodger, the sod.
 
There once was an internet forum
Where members all lacked decorum
Things got real crude
They posted selfies in the nude
But I didn't have the harddrive to store them.
 
Mary had a little lamb
Who had a sooty foot.
Everywhere that Mary went
His sooty foot he put.
 
There was a young woman called Ruck,
Who had the most atrocious luck
One night in a punt
She fell over its front

And was bitten to death by a duck.

 
There was a young man from Eau Claire
Who took his new bride on the stair.
The banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And polished her off in the air!
 
There was a young boy from Eau Claire
Who grew apples in an orchard near there.
He was really quite thin
And not at all masculine
Until one day he at last grew a pear.
 
A woman stops by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocks on the door then immediately walks in.

She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music is playing, candles are lit, and the aroma of perfume fills the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asks.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in- law explains.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaims.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law answers.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me and wants me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and can't get enough of me!"

The mother-in-law leaves, inspired by what she has learned.

When the mother-in-law gets home, she undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, dims the lights, puts on a romantic CD, and lays on the couch, expectantly awaiting her husband. Finally, her husband comes home. He walks in and sees her lying there provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"This is my love dress," she whispers sensually.

"Needs ironing," he says. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot!
 
A drunk was walking through a park when he saw a woman in the lake, flapping her arms about and screaming : "help, I can't swim!"
He shouted back : " Neither can I, but I don't go around making a great fuss about it!"
 
There was a lawyer whose name was Strange.
On his deathbed he was asked: "what do you want engraved on your tombstone?"
"Just put: here lies an honest lawyer."
"But nobody will know who you are."
"I don't agree.
They will read it and say, ''that's....
 
There was a lawyer whose name was Strange.
On his deathbed he was asked: "what do you want engraved on your tombstone?"
"Just put: here lies an honest lawyer."
"But nobody will know who you are."
"I don't agree.
They will read it and say, ''that's....


First kid: "My dad's a lawyer."
Second kid: "Honest?"
First kid: "No, just a regular lawyer."
 
Another lawyer wanted his tombstone engraved "Here lies a lawyer and an honest man."

Passers by lamented that they had started burying people two-deep.
 
What do you call it when a cruise ship carrying a lawyers' convention hits a WW II mine floating in the ocean and 852 lawyers drown?


A good start.





What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?


A couple of Dobermann Pinschers




What's the difference between a roadkill skunk and a roadkilled lawyer?


There are braking skid marks in frront of the skunk





What did Shakespeare say in King Henry VI part IV sc ii, line 86 ? (*)

(*) OUP Edition


The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

 
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What do you call it when a cruise ship carrying a lawyers' convention hits a WW II mine floating in the ocean and 852 lawyers drown?


A good start.


Only if the water is cold, because sharks won't do the work for you.


Professional courtesy

 
What do you call it when a cruise ship carrying a lawyers' convention hits a WW II mine floating in the ocean and 852 lawyers drown?

What do you say when red smoke billows in a group of lawyers?


Red smoke on target, fire for effect.

 
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a Flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The Flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "That'll teach me t' order w'out readin' the menu, first."
 
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