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Joke gallery

No, but if you run into a duck with an airplane it might be a quack up.
 
Two nuns riding their bikes over a cobble stone road. One nun asks the other : " do you come this way often? The other replies :no, it must be the cobbles.
 
angelo said:
Two nuns riding their bikes over a cobble stone road. One nun asks the other : " do you come this way often? The other replies :no, it must be the cobbles.
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is that the first time you've heard that joke?

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My wife said I need to stop making so many sexual innuendos. But it's hard. Very hard.

SLD
 
For her Xmas present last year, I plugged grandma into the mains. It was such a joy to see her face light up.
 
hurtinbuckaroo said:
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayal, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "I really should proofread! That should have been 'wifi'."
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Eh. So if the neighbour really had banged his wife it had been somewhat ok to shoot her?
 
I said to my father: "Dad, I want to get married."
He said: "Alright son, who do you want to marry?"
I said: "I'd like to marry Miss Green".
He said: "You can't".
I said: "Why not?"
He said: "She's your half-sister. When I was a lad I had a bike and I got around a bit."
I said: "Alright, I'll marry Miss White."
He said: "You can't, she's your half-sister. Forget about it."
Well, I was a bit despondent and I walked around and my mum said to me: "What's wrong with you?"
I said: "Well, I said to Dad I wanted to marry Miss Green and he said I couldn't because she's my half-sister. I said, "All right, I'll marry Miss White." He said: 'You can't, she's your half-sister."
She said: "Look, you go and marry which one you like. He's not your father anyway!"
 
C_Mucius_Scaevola said:
I said to my father: "Dad, I want to get married."
He said: "Alright son, who do you want to marry?"
I said: "I'd like to marry Miss Green".
He said: "You can't".
I said: "Why not?"
He said: "She's your half-sister. When I was a lad I had a bike and I got around a bit."
I said: "Alright, I'll marry Miss White."
He said: "You can't, she's your half-sister. Forget about it."
Well, I was a bit despondent and I walked around and my mum said to me: "What's wrong with you?"
I said: "Well, I said to Dad I wanted to marry Miss Green and he said I couldn't because she's my half-sister. I said, "All right, I'll marry Miss White." He said: 'You can't, she's your half-sister."
She said: "Look, you go and marry which one you like. He's not your father anyway!"
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The joke content is originally from a calypso song from the 40's: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame_%26_Scandal
 
athee said:
C_Mucius_Scaevola said:
I said to my father: "Dad, I want to get married."
He said: "Alright son, who do you want to marry?"
I said: "I'd like to marry Miss Green".
He said: "You can't".
I said: "Why not?"
He said: "She's your half-sister. When I was a lad I had a bike and I got around a bit."
I said: "Alright, I'll marry Miss White."
He said: "You can't, she's your half-sister. Forget about it."
Well, I was a bit despondent and I walked around and my mum said to me: "What's wrong with you?"
I said: "Well, I said to Dad I wanted to marry Miss Green and he said I couldn't because she's my half-sister. I said, "All right, I'll marry Miss White." He said: 'You can't, she's your half-sister."
She said: "Look, you go and marry which one you like. He's not your father anyway!"
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The joke content is originally from a calypso song from the 40's: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame_%26_Scandal
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Interesting. I know it as a joke by the English comedian of the '30s and '40s, Max Miller. Cultural cross-pollination?
 
A man asked his wife what she wanted for Xmas. She said she'd love something to run around in. So he bought her a tracksuit.
 
Juma said:
hurtinbuckaroo said:
A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

"Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

Feeling outrage and betrayal, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: "I really should proofread! That should have been 'wifi'."
Click to expand...

Eh. So if the neighbour really had banged his wife it had been somewhat ok to shoot her?
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Right, that was the point I was trying to make. [smh]
 
Juma said:
hurtinbuckaroo said:
Right, that was the point I was trying to make. [smh]
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No. It is the subtext required for the joke to be actually funny.
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I'm skeptical. I think it's about seemingly minor mistakes having unpredictable major consequences.

Shooting the wife has to be culturally recognizable; it doesn't have to be good. If, instead of shooting her, he had coated his TV antenna with peanut butter, you'd have thought, "WTF?"

But, when he shoots his wife, you don't think "WTF?" Rather, you understand what he's thinking. If you think, "What a terrible person," the joke still works. You don't have to think the guy is taking a right action.

It's unfortunate that we understand the joke, because it means we live in a society in which honor killings are sufficiently common. But I don't see the joke as requiring us to endorse that behavior.
 
Wiploc said:
Juma said:
No. It is the subtext required for the joke to be actually funny.
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I'm skeptical. I think it's about seemingly minor mistakes having unpredictable major consequences.

Shooting the wife has to be culturally recognizable; it doesn't have to be good. If, instead of shooting her, he had coated his TV antenna with peanut butter, you'd have thought, "WTF?"

But, when he shoots his wife, you don't think "WTF?" Rather, you understand what he's thinking. If you think, "What a terrible person," the joke still works. You don't have to think the guy is taking a right action.

It's unfortunate that we understand the joke, because it means we live in a society in which honor killings are sufficiently common. But I don't see the joke as requiring us to endorse that behavior.
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I dont agree, i think you must identify yourself somehow with that man to make that funny. I definitely does not.
 
Juma said:
Wiploc said:
I'm skeptical. I think it's about seemingly minor mistakes having unpredictable major consequences.

Shooting the wife has to be culturally recognizable; it doesn't have to be good. If, instead of shooting her, he had coated his TV antenna with peanut butter, you'd have thought, "WTF?"

But, when he shoots his wife, you don't think "WTF?" Rather, you understand what he's thinking. If you think, "What a terrible person," the joke still works. You don't have to think the guy is taking a right action.

It's unfortunate that we understand the joke, because it means we live in a society in which honor killings are sufficiently common. But I don't see the joke as requiring us to endorse that behavior.
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I dont agree, i think you must identify yourself somehow with that man to make that funny. I definitely does not.
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You must be so proud.
 
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