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Joke gallery

 
 
 
unapologetic said:
Loren Pechtel said:
ideologyhunter said:
A nun dies. In heaven, the admitting angel sizes her up for wings, a robe, and a halo. He says off-handedly, "You were very faithful on earth, so you get a size 12 halo."
The nun says, "These things are sized based on your faith?"
The angel says, "Yes, they are!"
An hour later she comes back and says, "Look, I'm not one to judge, but Princess Diana's halo is much bigger than the one Lord Jesus has."
The angel says, "That's not her halo. That's the steering wheel."
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??
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She died in a car crash.
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But why would she have a steering wheel when nobody else has relics of their death? And she was a passenger, anyway.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
unapologetic said:
Loren Pechtel said:
ideologyhunter said:
A nun dies. In heaven, the admitting angel sizes her up for wings, a robe, and a halo. He says off-handedly, "You were very faithful on earth, so you get a size 12 halo."
The nun says, "These things are sized based on your faith?"
The angel says, "Yes, they are!"
An hour later she comes back and says, "Look, I'm not one to judge, but Princess Diana's halo is much bigger than the one Lord Jesus has."
The angel says, "That's not her halo. That's the steering wheel."
Click to expand...
??
Click to expand...
She died in a car crash.
Click to expand...
But why would she have a steering wheel when nobody else has relics of their death? And she was a passenger, anyway.
Click to expand...
Well, the back seat became the front seat became the steering wheel.
 
I acknowledge you as a good human being, Loren, but you really don't have a handle on that humour thing.

My first reaction to that joke was to drop on the floor and try to get my breath back. Then I thought "Too soon?" Then I remembered it must be more than 25 years, but every person I told it to had the same reaction.

We really can't attack our sacred cows.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
But why would she have a steering wheel when nobody else has relics of their death?
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Because the force of the impact was just such that her soul became physically welded to the steering wheel. It’s a very rare phenomenon, Loren. But when it happens you should not get all “how can that be?!” about it. Have a heart, dude; show some sensitivity.
 
You think Jesus has put down the cross, after all the perks it's gotten him? Mel Gibson would've passed on the story if it didn't have the right amount of drippings.
 
A teenage couple get in a car wreck. They find themselves in Admitting, up in heaven. An angel takes down their names. The boy says, "Back on earth, we were close -- Christian, but close -- so it is possible to get married up here?"
The angel says, "I really don't know. I'm a temp."
The boy says, "Can you find out?" The angel gives them a look, but goes off. He doesn't come back for 500 years. When he does, he leans wearily on the counter and says, "All right, I found someone who can marry you."
The girl says, "Well, we've had time to talk it over, and now we're not 100% sure. If we get married, but it doesn't work out, could we get a divorce?"
The angel says, "Look, honey, it took me 500 years to find a preacher up here. Now you want me to find you a lawyer?"
 
Her body tensed and quivered as wave after wave surged through it.

I should have warned her of the new fast pulse electric fence along the driveway.
 
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