Joke gallery

[ideologyhunter]

What did Popeye acquire a taste for, on Epstein Island?

Extra Virgin Olive Oyl

 

[SLD]

Just got my prostate exam. I got the thumbs up.

 

[ideologyhunter]

If your MD uses his thumbs, you've got an interesting doctor/patient relationship going. Also, ouch.

 

[ZiprHead]

Just got my prostate exam. I got the thumbs up.

You're number one in your doctor's book.

 

[Spacetime Inhabitant]

This is a joke that I created in the 1990s:
A friend of a bridge guarding troll arrives and notices his friend seems a bit unwell and pale looking.
He says to the troll, “What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a goat.”

News item on Channel 7 (Perth, Western Australia) on 6 PM news on Sunday 15/02/04
“Three terrorists were killed, two with Lebanese passports.”

From Terry Pratchett’s ‘Monstrous Regiment’ – p25:
‘Thank you,’ said Igor. ‘And I would like to give the picture a wipe if it’th all the
thame to you.’ He produced a small cloth.
‘Wipe it?’ said Strappi. ‘Is that allowed, sergeant?’
‘What do you want to wipe it for, mister?’ said Jackrum.
‘To remove the invithible demonth’, said Igor.
‘I can’t see any invis---‘ Strappi began, and stopped.

 

[spikepipsqueak]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

 

[spikepipsqueak]

Were you aware there are no canaries on the Canary Is.?

Same with the Virgin Is.

Spoiler

No canaries.

 

[Elixir]

No joke, but still funny.

 

[bilby]

No joke, but still funny.

View attachment 52871

From XKCD (https://xkcd.com/2347/)

 

[Elixir]

 

[SLD]

Jesus dined with prostitutes and he’s the light of the world.

I bring one over for Thanksgiving and suddenly it’s awkward.

 

[Elixir]

 

[Elixir]

 

[ideologyhunter]

View attachment 52886

I'm guessing each perp would offer you a chocolate as you opened the door. Except Trump, who would try to sell you the Mar-a-Lago 10 oz. Golden Truffle Collection for $149.00.

 

[Elixir]

 

[Tigers!]

View attachment 52887

If i were that turkey I would count all of my feathers.

 

[Tigers!]

Jesus dined with prostitutes and he’s the light of the world.

I bring one over for Thanksgiving and suddenly it’s awkward.

But Jesus brought prostitutes (note the plural)

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

Jesus dined with prostitutes and he’s the light of the world.

I bring one over for Thanksgiving and suddenly it’s awkward.

But Jesus brought prostitutes (note the plural)

Should have brought enough for everyone.