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A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?”
“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just plain lazy.”
The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
 
A test for Covid-19

Take a clean glass and pour a measure of your favourite tipple.
See if you can smell it. If so you are half-way there.
Drink it to and if you can taste then it is reasonable to assume you are currently Covid free.

I tested myself 7 times and was Covid free each time. Praise God.

But i will have to test myself again this morning as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms.
 
A test for Covid-19

Take a clean glass and pour a measure of your favourite tipple.
See if you can smell it. If so you are half-way there.
Drink it to and if you can taste then it is reasonable to assume you are currently Covid free.

I tested myself 7 times and was Covid free each time. Praise God.

But i will have to test myself again this morning as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms.

:floofsmile:
 
I don't know where I got this, so I'm hoping it wasn't from this thread:

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."
 
This classic has been around for years.
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina l**s are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she is embarrassed and does not want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees. She wakes up from the operation and finds three roses carefully placed on her nightstand. Outraged, she immediately calls the doctor and says ” I told you not to tell anyone!” The doctor replies, “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell a soul!” When the woman inquires about the roses the doctor says, “Oh, those! The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me with your operation and has been through this procedure herself, so she understands what you’re going through. And the third rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
And in the same vein...............


Then then there was the woman who went to her gynecologist for a check up. After getting her up on the examination table and in stirrups, he exclaims : " This is the biggest vagina Iv'e even seen....seen....seen. "

" Alright says the woman, you don't have to repeat it over and over!"

The Doc says " I didn't! "
 
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, " I will after you explain the kids!"
 
Aussie 1: 2020 has been one awful year.
Aussie 2: I hear you. It's like the world has turned right side up.
 
Public health warning -

If someone offers to take your temperature when entering a supermarket be wary. They seems to scramble your memory.

I went to the supermarket to get milk and bread. Had my temperature taken.
Came out with gin, tonic and chocolates.
 
The waitress shouted, "Does anyone know CPR?!?!"

From my booth, I raised my hand. "Heck, I know the whole alphabet."

Everybody laughed.

Well, except this one guy.
 
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