Parenting Megathread

[Jimmy Higgins]

I’ll take semantical BS for $800 Alex.

This just feels like someone attempting to be clever by saying the same thing in a different way, but with nearly the exact say context.

I disagree on the BS. I feel that kids are very driven by action words and action sentences.
In this case the first one is not action, the second one is action.

Although, in contradiction to what I think, I asked my (20yo) son what he felt was the difference - since he was raised by me and therefore a victim of all of this deliberate language BS that I’ve been foisting on him for 2 decades...

...and he said that “Be careful” would make him look around for an immediate threat, while “Pay attention” would make him think, “yah yah yah, another lecture.” He did concede that this would depend upon my tone of voice.

Personally, I try to remind her to "know her surroundings". Unfortunately, because language is fluid, we are left with synonymous sayings to raise awareness.. and often to ears with variable sieve openings.

 

[James Brown]

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

 

[Toni]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Even smart kids need and deserve some attention. Sometimes questions are resolved just by asking them. Smart kids can sometimes have a gap--maybe momentary, maybe fundamental--in understanding or skill set. Sometimes teachers rely on more capable students needing nothing from them to the detriment of those capable kids.

She should always be able to ask for help.

 

[Keith&Co.]

I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Your daughter is still asking you to come towards her and you're wondering if it's legit?
Dude, get up and help her for as long as she's willing to ask.
Once she figures out that she's smarter than you are, you'll be begging to help her.

 

[gmbteach]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Even smart kids need and deserve some attention. Sometimes questions are resolved just by asking them. Smart kids can sometimes have a gap--maybe momentary, maybe fundamental--in understanding or skill set. Sometimes teachers rely on more capable students needing nothing from them to the detriment of those capable kids.

She should always be able to ask for help.

I agree.

 

[Toni]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Well I’m a door: when you can’t tell if she’s just crashing or if she needs attention: ask her. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t know the first time or fifty or if she’s sometimes wrong. Sometimes the solution is the same whichever: maybe she needs a hug which soothes so many needs. But it’s a good skill for her to develop. Is she hungry or tired or thirsty—or is she angry or frustrated?

It’s a skill a lot of adults need to work on, too.

 

[Fentoine Lum]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Yeah well, perhaps your child is teaching you a thing or two, are you open to the lessons? Perhaps you should abandon seeking the "experience" with which to judge her and just be with her in the moment, every moment. If she is being chastised for asking for help in school, and she catches the same at home, maybe "we" can get her to shut down and realize she's really all alone in this society at the end of the day.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Yeah well, perhaps your child is teaching you a thing or two, are you open to the lessons? Perhaps you should abandon seeking the "experience" with which to judge her and just be with her in the moment, every moment. If she is being chastised for asking for help in school, and she catches the same at home, maybe "we" can get her to shut down and realize she's really all alone in this society at the end of the day.

So qute.

 

[Fentoine Lum]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Yeah well, perhaps your child is teaching you a thing or two, are you open to the lessons? Perhaps you should abandon seeking the "experience" with which to judge her and just be with her in the moment, every moment. If she is being chastised for asking for help in school, and she catches the same at home, maybe "we" can get her to shut down and realize she's really all alone in this society at the end of the day.

So qute.

Too real?

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Taoistic, teaching without teaching. My forever attention seeking daughter got into trouble in class (1st grade) last week asking for help when she clearly didn't need it.

I'm a great teacher (can develop so many different angles) and an awful teacher (patience). I'm still learning when my child has a legitimate lock up. She is only 6 after all, and sometimes her brain just crashes. I'm too inexperienced to tell the difference between a crash and her just wanting attention (more).

Well I’m a door: when you can’t tell if she’s just crashing or if she needs attention: ask her.

My daughter isn't the best at answering questions when asked so I look for tells.

Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t know the first time or fifty or if she’s sometimes wrong.

The trouble is when I know she knows the method, but she just crashes out on it. Regardless, with experience, I'm getting a better feel.

Regardless, she was promoted to 2nd grade math (she is ready for 3rd I think, but steps). And I really enjoy helping her to learn the stuff... while I can. I was getting nervous I wasted her time over the summer with the math because her 1st grade homework was embarrassingly easy for her. But they took assessment tests and she got to bounce up. This school is freaking awesome and fuck Columbus and their school district "grading" system.

 

[Fentoine Lum]

My daughter isn't the best at answering questions when asked so I look for tells.

Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t know the first time or fifty or if she’s sometimes wrong.

The trouble is when I know she knows the method, but she just crashes out on it. Regardless, with experience, I'm getting a better feel.

Regardless, she was promoted to 2nd grade math (she is ready for 3rd I think, but steps). And I really enjoy helping her to learn the stuff... while I can. I was getting nervous I wasted her time over the summer with the math because her 1st grade homework was embarrassingly easy for her. But they took assessment tests and she got to bounce up. This school is freaking awesome and fuck Columbus and their school district "grading" system.

Well I think we can all agree with "fuck Columbus" now, can't we?

 

[Fentoine Lum]

I’ll take semantical BS for $800 Alex.

This just feels like someone attempting to be clever by saying the same thing in a different way, but with nearly the exact say context.

I disagree on the BS. I feel that kids are very driven by action words and action sentences.
In this case the first one is not action, the second one is action.

Although, in contradiction to what I think, I asked my (20yo) son what he felt was the difference - since he was raised by me and therefore a victim of all of this deliberate language BS that I’ve been foisting on him for 2 decades...

...and he said that “Be careful” would make him look around for an immediate threat, while “Pay attention” would make him think, “yah yah yah, another lecture.” He did concede that this would depend upon my tone of voice.

Personally, I try to remind her to "know her surroundings". Unfortunately, because language is fluid, we are left with synonymous sayings to raise awareness.. and often to ears with variable sieve openings.

Perhaps she's very aware of her surroundings and you're all over her with the control shtick.

 

[Fentoine Lum]

Meanwhile....

My daughter absolutely fears Alexa, Google Home, and Siri. Literally seemed to have a panic attack at my parents. And today, she made a wish at a fountain, and then she told my wife that she wished all of the Alexas and Googles would go away. Not a Paw Patrol toy... but she wants smart speakers to disappear.

We had a Google Home at home... and I actually linked getting it with her behavior at school degrading! I put it away, but the episode at my parents was surreal. I can imagine a child finding it creepy, but the amount of fear and how present it is in her mind bothers me greatly. We are going to make with the counseling for this... and her mild stimulus input issues... to try and see what in the world is going on.

If this were a person, I'd suspect abuse. But we are talking a computer speaker voice.

So your daughter is already showing some awareness that she's under constant corporate state surveillance and you wish to shame her out of that awareness?

 

[Toni]

Meanwhile....

My daughter absolutely fears Alexa, Google Home, and Siri. Literally seemed to have a panic attack at my parents. And today, she made a wish at a fountain, and then she told my wife that she wished all of the Alexas and Googles would go away. Not a Paw Patrol toy... but she wants smart speakers to disappear.

We had a Google Home at home... and I actually linked getting it with her behavior at school degrading! I put it away, but the episode at my parents was surreal. I can imagine a child finding it creepy, but the amount of fear and how present it is in her mind bothers me greatly. We are going to make with the counseling for this... and her mild stimulus input issues... to try and see what in the world is going on.

If this were a person, I'd suspect abuse. But we are talking a computer speaker voice.

So your daughter is already showing some awareness that she's under constant corporate state surveillance and you wish to shame her out of that awareness?

Where did you get that from Jimmy?

 

[Fentoine Lum]

Meanwhile....

My daughter absolutely fears Alexa, Google Home, and Siri. Literally seemed to have a panic attack at my parents. And today, she made a wish at a fountain, and then she told my wife that she wished all of the Alexas and Googles would go away. Not a Paw Patrol toy... but she wants smart speakers to disappear.

We had a Google Home at home... and I actually linked getting it with her behavior at school degrading! I put it away, but the episode at my parents was surreal. I can imagine a child finding it creepy, but the amount of fear and how present it is in her mind bothers me greatly. We are going to make with the counseling for this... and her mild stimulus input issues... to try and see what in the world is going on.

If this were a person, I'd suspect abuse. But we are talking a computer speaker voice.

So your daughter is already showing some awareness that she's under constant corporate state surveillance and you wish to shame her out of that awareness?

Where did you get that from Jimmy?

"My daughter absolutely fears Alexa, Google Home, and Siri."

Is he not alarmed seeking a solution moving her toward acceptance of mass surveillance tech in her home and life?

 

[Toni]

Where did you get that from Jimmy?

"My daughter absolutely fears Alexa, Google Home, and Siri."

Is he not alarmed seeking a solution moving her toward acceptance of mass surveillance tech in her home and life?

No, it sounds as though he's concerned at the fairly extreme reaction his very bright daughter is having to modern technology and some concerning behaviors that appear to be a result of the tech, which presence he's only able to control within his own home. It is possible that she has the kind of awareness of tech's intrusion into her life or perhaps there's something else going on. It's not possible to know from what he wrote. I see no hint or suggestion that he uses shame in his approach to parenting in any way, shape or form.

Perhaps you are projecting?

 

[Keith&Co.]

Just found two popover trays in the sink. A few leftover popovers are in a ziploc.
I would LIKE to think my son or sons saw the trays, decided to hone their popover skills, and made a batch.
I would more readily believe that the trays fell out of the cabinet, and they decided making surplus food, and leaving me to wash and replace the trays would be less annoying to me than their admitting they made a pact with the kitchen demons to never, never, ever put stuff away where it belongs.



Ever.

I mean, THEIR coffee measure moves eight inches from the return-to-battety position, there is an inquiry. I spend twenty goddamned minutes looking for the soup ladle, including taking a crazy chance on the drawer it belongs in, and they act like _I_ am weird for not looking up the chimney flue...

Must be a demon pact.

 

[Rhea]

Look for the hidden camera.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Seriously freaking out over my daughter's mental health. She had an incident today in school where she decided to punch a classmate in the face because she ran into line instead of walked. What bothered me was that she wasn't angry. This, in connection with a couple incidents within the past week we caught her being mean to our cat, that make three incidents of non-anger related violence. And she has noted on multiple occasions recently, a "voice" is commanding her to do these things. Now children will be children, and will say certain things and have decent sized imaginations, and I might be making too much of this, but I am fearing that she actually is suffering from a serious early onset mental illness, which connects too many dots. She is already in therapy, but we'll need to kick it up a few levels because either I need a doctor to tell me to calm the heck down, or to diagnose her with what I'm fearing and get her treatment. Luckily, have a professional psychiatrist in the extended family, though he works with adults, but it'll at least be a start before getting her to a local pro.

I really hope I'm making too much of this, but I really don't think anyone knows her better than I. For an empathetic child, she seems to lack remorse at times and revels in attention when she has done something wrong. (Oddly enough, she is the only female I can easily read. ) Between everything else from marriage to my dad to my daughter's behavior... there is little beneath my feet that seems steady.