Parenting Megathread

[Toni]

Does anyone have recommendations for or advice about breast-pumps? Partner and I were watching a youtube yesterday which recommended Haakaa Silicone Pumps, seems like they have pretty good reviews and are reasonably priced.

But something about them seems too easy when there are exorbitantly priced pumps being sold at retailers.

All my children are grown so it's been a minute but yikes. Or rather YIKES!!!!!!: That pump is all manual = a lot of work. Please do not get this and expect your wife to use it instead of breastfeeding or to gain milk to supplement breast feeding after she returns to work. It looks inefficient and not particularly effective, especially for a first time new mother. Please do not choose this. Just reading the comments, it seems as though it works best for use while breastfeeding from the other breast--after milk supply has been established.

Here's this: https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-breast-pumps/


Also I really, really, really think that your wife should ask her medical provider for recommendations and perhaps a phone number or two to talk to nursing mothers who use breast pumps.

Please have your wife reach out to other young mothers who will give her some realistic, practical advice and tips and understanding.

Ultimately, she must choose what is comfortable and practical for her to use.

Thanks. That was the impression I got, too. It was my partner who was watching the youtube more closely, and after a closer look, it looks like it's more of a travel item.

I have no inclination for any product over another, but my partner tends to be permanently parked in cost-saving mode and I need to remind her we can have nice things . And in this case it sounds a good pump would pay dividends.

Thanks for the advice about reaching out / medical provider too. That can be a conversation with her midwife and some of her friends.

Really, women do talk to each other a lot and midwives are often fantastic sources of information and/or referrals. There certainly are things that you can 'go cheap' on. But think of a breast pump as medical equipment--and it is--and that will change the mindset. In fact, it is possible that a breast pump might be covered under your NHS???

 

[rousseau]

Thanks. That was the impression I got, too. It was my partner who was watching the youtube more closely, and after a closer look, it looks like it's more of a travel item.

I have no inclination for any product over another, but my partner tends to be permanently parked in cost-saving mode and I need to remind her we can have nice things . And in this case it sounds a good pump would pay dividends.

Thanks for the advice about reaching out / medical provider too. That can be a conversation with her midwife and some of her friends.

Really, women do talk to each other a lot and midwives are often fantastic sources of information and/or referrals. There certainly are things that you can 'go cheap' on. But think of a breast pump as medical equipment--and it is--and that will change the mindset. In fact, it is possible that a breast pump might be covered under your NHS???

That makes sense. Truthfully we hadn't looked into pumps too deeply yet, which are on our 'to research' list. And I've been finding it difficult to find websites that aren't just trying to sell you something, hence the question.

Our only experience with them so far was a bit of sticker-shock when we saw the price at babies-r-us, but when you consider the time/energy savings, and health benefit to the baby it's really not that high. I mentioned something similar to partner about the stroller - she was worried about price, but when you look at how much easier a good one makes your life, for potentially two children, an extra few hundred dollars isn't a big deal.

 

[Sajara]

I forget which one my wife ended up with as it's been about 4 years now since our daughter was in need. Definitely go with an automated one over a manual pump. Also, have your wife ask her OBGYN as many insurance companies will now cover the cost of a pump.

 

[Rhea]

I agree with going for the powered pump. I used a Medela Pump-in-style for home and travel. Loved it. Used it for a total of almost 3 years. At work, our employer provided a medical grade Medela with double cups. I also had a hand pump for emergencies like long car rides. The electric pumps are practically critical for a good long-term pumping relationship. AS is a support network. I’d be happy to answer questions. I joined a board called “breastfeeding.com” and got lots of help. That was 15 years ago now, but I pumped and worked for each kid for 15 months. Super healthy for them, super low cost for me, an it kept up the nursing making outings and travel so easy because I was still nursing - milk is pre-heated, always ready and stored in a non-breakable package that you cannot drop. You just stick a diaper in your back pocket and go.

As for a stroller, I love-loved-loved my sling. So much easier than dealing with a stroller. Kid gets down when they wanna get down, and I sling them when they are tired. Doubles as a picnic cloth, a blanket, and a hands-free breastfeeding holder. Dad can wear it too, and it allows you to have skin-on-skin contact which sooths hem when they are fussy. I used mine until the kids were 5-ish. I made my own so i was not bulky or padded, just a sling. I did also use a front carrier pack, but morphed to the sling only by the time they were about 5 months. We almost never used a stroller.

Ease of movement through my day was my motto.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Well, the Child Psychiatrist smacked me a few times and told me to get a hold of myself.

He had a "I seen this 1000 times before" demeanor so we are going with something a bit more less atypical, ADHD, which does run in my wife's family (my side of the family is just plain ole crazy). Doc was good at listening and asking questions. I did my research... and he is well regarded. So, my daughter will now be taking a Ritalin like product at a low dosage and we'll see how that works. I'm not big at all on drugs, but if it works, it works.

 

[Toni]

Well, the Child Psychiatrist smacked me a few times and told me to get a hold of myself.

He had a "I seen this 1000 times before" demeanor so we are going with something a bit more less atypical, ADHD, which does run in my wife's family (my side of the family is just plain ole crazy). Doc was good at listening and asking questions. I did my research... and he is well regarded. So, my daughter will now be taking a Ritalin like product at a low dosage and we'll see how that works. I'm not big at all on drugs, but if it works, it works.

Hey, I hope that works out well for your daughter and for you. It is good that you have found someone who is so well regarded and who seems to be good at listening. You guys are all going through a LOT right now and I'm sure you're all feeling it, too. I hope this takes a small amount of the load off of your shoulders. And I hope your daughter feels better about things.

 

[southernhybrid]

I hope it works out well too for you and your daughter, Jimmy. My son had ADD and I had to teach him to read myself because he was so easily distracted in school. Now as a 49 year old degreed computer programmer, I still get the impression that he's not always paying attention when I call him. Maybe that's not unusual for a mother and a grown son. But seriously, teaching him how to read was one of my greatest and proudest accomplishments as a parent. Sometimes children sho are easily distracted need a lot of one on one attention, that's hard to get in school.

 

[rousseau]

I agree with going for the powered pump. I used a Medela Pump-in-style for home and travel. Loved it. Used it for a total of almost 3 years. At work, our employer provided a medical grade Medela with double cups. I also had a hand pump for emergencies like long car rides. The electric pumps are practically critical for a good long-term pumping relationship. AS is a support network. I’d be happy to answer questions. I joined a board called “breastfeeding.com” and got lots of help. That was 15 years ago now, but I pumped and worked for each kid for 15 months. Super healthy for them, super low cost for me, an it kept up the nursing making outings and travel so easy because I was still nursing - milk is pre-heated, always ready and stored in a non-breakable package that you cannot drop. You just stick a diaper in your back pocket and go.

As for a stroller, I love-loved-loved my sling. So much easier than dealing with a stroller. Kid gets down when they wanna get down, and I sling them when they are tired. Doubles as a picnic cloth, a blanket, and a hands-free breastfeeding holder. Dad can wear it too, and it allows you to have skin-on-skin contact which sooths hem when they are fussy. I used mine until the kids were 5-ish. I made my own so i was not bulky or padded, just a sling. I did also use a front carrier pack, but morphed to the sling only by the time they were about 5 months. We almost never used a stroller.

Ease of movement through my day was my motto.

Thanks Rhea we went with this exact one. The reviews looked good, and at 300 CDN not that bad of a price. Partner was convinced that we didn't need a pump at all, and she may have been right, but I figured she's under-estimating how tired she's going to be, and how useful it might end up being as a tool. I also considered renting a pump for the first 30 days or so, but when you multiply that across two babies we might as well just get our own. And eventually we can sell it and get some of our money back. Either way I'm not too concerned about the cost vs the utility of it.

Other than that, all's looking good. Partner is maintaining a healthy weight, and all of baby's indicators throughout the pregnancy have been positive. Things are starting to slow down a bit now as we have the nursery pretty much ready, and there are only a few minor things to get done before his arrival. Today I'm getting over a cold so spending it all resting and researching breast-feeding. In the coming weeks I'll be reviewing some of the hands-on skills I'll need, and at the end of this month we'll be filling our freezer with pre-made food. Then early April partner is free, and soon enough our baby will be here.

I keep hearing jokes from some of the Facebook pages I follow about how new parents become less serious, and more relaxed as they go through more and more pregnancies. I'm thinking about that and trying to harness an 'already experienced parent' mindset. Realize that billions of people have been through this before, that our boy is going to be quite resilient, and that as long as we pay proper attention to him in the first couple months all will be fine. That way I can actually relax and enjoy, rather than constantly stressing.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Well, the Child Psychiatrist smacked me a few times and told me to get a hold of myself.

He had a "I seen this 1000 times before" demeanor so we are going with something a bit more less atypical, ADHD, which does run in my wife's family (my side of the family is just plain ole crazy). Doc was good at listening and asking questions. I did my research... and he is well regarded. So, my daughter will now be taking a Ritalin like product at a low dosage and we'll see how that works. I'm not big at all on drugs, but if it works, it works.

Hey, I hope that works out well for your daughter and for you. It is good that you have found someone who is so well regarded and who seems to be good at listening. You guys are all going through a LOT right now and I'm sure you're all feeling it, too. I hope this takes a small amount of the load off of your shoulders. And I hope your daughter feels better about things.

Things have improved notably. Still having bumps, but with all going on, this has helped removed some expendable drama.

 

[Rhea]

Things have improved notably. Still having bumps, but with all going on, this has helped removed some expendable drama.

Glad to hear you are seeing an improvement for her!

 

[rousseau]

Does anyone have tips on how to hide food from your kids once they're old enough to raid your fridge and cupboards? I'm primarily concerned about high quality cheese, but am open to extending the conversation to other snacks.

Just trying to get a head start on the important stuff..

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Does anyone have tips on how to hide food from your kids once they're old enough to raid your fridge and cupboards? I'm primarily concerned about high quality cheese, but am open to extending the conversation to other snacks.

Just trying to get a head start on the important stuff..

Funny, my daughter has almost never tried to sneak food. And never from the fridge. With children, generally, you go with The Moody Blues song, Higher and Higher.

 

[Toni]

Does anyone have tips on how to hide food from your kids once they're old enough to raid your fridge and cupboards? I'm primarily concerned about high quality cheese, but am open to extending the conversation to other snacks.

Just trying to get a head start on the important stuff..

Important stuff: Don't play games with food. Don't make something forbidden or mandatory or 'too good' for your kid.

My kids sometimes sneaked cookies (from the jar left on the counter top) when they weren't supposed to have a cookie but really? Nothing was forbidden them. Nothing was 'too good' for them. If we were having something expensive that we didn't think they'd like, they were still offered it. Almost universally turned it down. One had a taste for brie but not the others. Two of our kids had real sweet tooths and the others absolutely did not. We'd discourage eating between meals or just before meals but frankly, we simply had the best food that we could afford at whatever point we were in our lives. Snacks were mostly fruit and carrot or celery sticks, crackers and cheese. Sometimes we made popcorn and everybody who wanted could share. Chips were a rarity. Except for rare occasions. all of our meals were made from scratch at home. Though they did get boxed cereal such as (regular) Cheerios or Chex. None of the sweetened crap. My husband convinced me that children NEEDED cookies when they got home from school so I baked regularly and found that, my childhood experiences with only occasional and only store bought cookies aside, he was right. For the most part, we didn't make any big deal (except for too many sweets for the kids who had real sweet tooths) about food. No one was forced to clean their plates or to eat food they didn't like. I had too many bad childhood memories for that, plus I read that it wasn't good for kids and I found this to be true. But when they left the table...they were done until the next meal. I baked cakes for birthdays and did some extra baking of holiday treats at Thanksgiving and Christmas and..that was it, except for some chocolate heart candies at Valentine's or bunnies at Easter.

OTOH, my mother used to keep baking chocolate in the back of the highest shelf in the highest kitchen cupboard. I'm not sure why : she didn't actually bake except from a box. Anyway, I knew it was there because I went looking for something to eat that might be hidden and found it . This was how I discovered that just because something is labeled chocolate doesn't mean it tastes good. Also, I developed a taste for unsweetened chocolate. She never missed it because, well, she never baked.

 

[southernhybrid]

My son was such a picky eater when he was a child, that I can't even imagine worrying about having to hide food from him. If you don't want a child to eat junk food, don't keep any in the house. Of course, I only had one child and raising him was extremely easy, so my advice may not be that helpful unless you too are planning on only having one child. I can't imagine a child liking expensive cheese, so maybe your concerns are unwarranted. Kids that do sneak food, usually sneak sweets or salty snacks.

 

[rousseau]

Does anyone have tips on how to hide food from your kids once they're old enough to raid your fridge and cupboards? I'm primarily concerned about high quality cheese, but am open to extending the conversation to other snacks.

Just trying to get a head start on the important stuff..

Funny, my daughter has almost never tried to sneak food. And never from the fridge. With children, generally, you go with The Moody Blues song, Higher and Higher.

Thanks for the tip, I'll have to get Rhea's thoughts on reverse psychology and other psychological tactics during the teen years..

 

[crazyfingers]

My 19.5 year old daughter pretty much threw a tantrum today because I said "No" to her request to dig a pond big enough to swim in in the swamp in the back end of my property.

 

[Rhea]

Does anyone have tips on how to hide food from your kids once they're old enough to raid your fridge and cupboards? I'm primarily concerned about high quality cheese, but am open to extending the conversation to other snacks.

Just trying to get a head start on the important stuff..

Ours was a multi-pronged approach:

1. The rules: (Did I mention I have a rule book in the kitchen titled "Mama's Manual of Domestic Law"? It's where we write down all the conversations so that we can point to it and say, "this lecture is not new. You forgot, but you have not suffered a rules change. Go look it up.") So the rule is: If you see a thing that is cooked, count how many people are in the house, count how many portions are in the pan, and you are only entitled to your own share. Anything else is mean. Don't do that. If a thing is raw ingredients, ask whether it's for a particular meal before taking it. If it's fruit or vegetables, have whatever you want. If it's within an hour of dinner, you may have fruit or vegetables if you're hungry. Otherwise, put a reasonable (not obscene) portion in a bowl and eat the portion. Don't eat out of the serving container. You'll take too much and also dribble on the food. Don't do that.

2. The psychology: For stuff that people eat too much of (like brownies) split it up before hand and put in labeled containers. "Daughter, Son, Pops, Mama." Now I've helped you discern your portion.

3. The Subterfuge: wrap it in tin-foil and label it "parsnips"

4. The Controlled Environment: Honestly, for years we didn't buy any of that stuff, at all. Literally the only choices they had were fruit, vegetables and yogurt. It was too exhausting to argue and try to make things last a non-obscene amount of time. We simply didn't have it in the house. No juice, no chips, no ice cream, no cookies. We'd get one small package, or do one baking event for a weekend dessert or snack, then no buy any more for months. If it's not there, you don't have to argue. They could raid and snack and eat all the growing body needed, it was just that their only choices where things I was fine with them bingeing on. When my son was a teen, he'd binge on meat, so I made cooked seasoned chicken to leave around, otherwise he'd eat a pound of prosciutto in one sitting and our wallets would hurt.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Hey, just a thought?

Anyone given any thought to their kid's lunchbox? If it's still in their backpack, might be worth a cleaning....

 

[gmbteach]

Hey, just a thought?

Anyone given any thought to their kid's lunchbox? If it's still in their backpack, might be worth a cleaning....

I was in a classroom recently that stank like a dead animal. I was taking the class as the teacher was on a planning day. Anyway, it was decided that due to numbers (10 + 10 next door) to combine classes (pre-social-distancing) and so we moved the class I had into next door. M, a particularly whiny kid, complained she couldn’t find her English book, so I said I would search for it. Sat down at her desk and the smell was overpowering! It was worse when I opened the next, so much so that I nearly vomited! She had a ziplock bag with a week old cucumber in it left over from brain break, in her desk! GROSS!

And then I was in another classroom where I could see a tidy tray outside and I asked why and apparently a kid had put a half eaten tin of tuna in their desk and it ended up full of maggots!

Your query about lunchboxes has reminded me, and hmm, I don’t think I want to go back tomorrow after a three day weekend!

 

[rousseau]

Just going to throw this out there although some of you may be out of the game a bit - recommendations on toys and things to do for kids between the age of 0 - 2? We've got a nice little play mat for an infant, tons of books, and a few toys, but I'm wondering if there is anything unique anyone knows of that kids in that age range tend to really like.