Parents horrified after priest used teen's funeral to condemn suicide

[Potoooooooo]

https://www.stltoday.com/news/natio...cle_cf89873b-17f0-58af-b791-2cf60ef66d9b.html

When Maison Hullibarger died by suicide on Dec. 4, his parents - devout Catholics - began planning a funeral that would celebrate their 18-year-old son's life.

He was a brother to five siblings, an athlete and teammate, a strong criminal justice student at the University of Toledo and passionate fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. And because the priest at their Temperance, Michigan, parish didn't personally know their son, Jeffrey and Linda Hullibarger met with him before the funeral to discuss what they wanted in the homily.

The Hullibargers were detailed, they said, and Father Don LaCuesta took notes.

"We wanted him to celebrate how Maison lived," Linda Hullibarger told the Detroit Free Press, "not how he died."

Instead, during the funeral at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Catholic Church, the Hullibargers listened from the pews as the priest spoke the word "suicide" six times

He told mourners, local media reported, that Maison may be denied admittance to heaven because of the way he died. LaCuesta wondered aloud, the Hullibargers said, if Maison had repented enough in the eyes of God.

"He basically called our son a sinner," Linda told the Toledo Blade.

"We looked at each other and said, 'What is he doing?" Jeffrey said in an interview with the newspaper. "We didn't ask for this."

Eventually, Jeffrey decided to intervene and walked to the pulpit.

"Father," he whispered, "Please stop."

But LaCuesta kept going, the Hullibargers recounted in local news reports. When the service finally ended, they told the priest he was no longer welcome at Maison's gravesite burial - where the teen's family and friends decided to say everything LaCuesta hadn't.

 

[Lion IRC]

Suicide ought to be condemned.

I don't know why people think the priest and The Church offer an a la carte menu of preferential options where you can vet what you do and don't hear.

If this funeral was for a victim of gun violence the priest might want to condemn guns.
It the funeral was for a 99 year old the priest might celebrate their long and happy life.

You don't get to 'shop around' for the sock-puppet priest who will say what you want.

 

[bigfield]

Suicide ought to be condemned.

I don't know why people think the priest and The Church offer an a la carte menu of preferential options where you can vet what you do and don't hear.

If this funeral was for a victim of gun violence the priest might want to condemn guns.
It the funeral was for a 99 year old the priest might celebrate their long and happy life.

You don't get to 'shop around' for the sock-puppet priest who will say what you want.

Exactly. The lesson for these naive Catholics is that they should not expect kindness from a cruel and stupid religion.

 

[spikepipsqueak]

Suicide ought to be condemned.

I don't know why people think the priest and The Church offer an a la carte menu of preferential options where you can vet what you do and don't hear.

If this funeral was for a victim of gun violence the priest might want to condemn guns.
It the funeral was for a 99 year old the priest might celebrate their long and happy life.

You don't get to 'shop around' for the sock-puppet priest who will say what you want.

How do you accept so easily this cult that prioritised retaining political power over protecting its children from its priests, and which in this case can't comfort grief because the priority is laying down the law?

I'm genuinely curious. This priest isn't a shepherd, he's a sadist.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

Suicide ought to be condemned.

I don't know why people think the priest and The Church offer an a la carte menu of preferential options where you can vet what you do and don't hear.

If this funeral was for a victim of gun violence the priest might want to condemn guns.
It the funeral was for a 99 year old the priest might celebrate their long and happy life.

You don't get to 'shop around' for the sock-puppet priest who will say what you want.

Exactly. The lesson for these naive Catholics is that they should not expect kindness from a cruel and stupid religion.

That's nailing it! I've witnessed the same behavior at funerals.

A person can be compassionate, but the business of religion is as impersonal and cruel as a medieval dungeon. Why a person would prostrate themselves to and glorify an institution and its god while a loved one lies dead is a study on abnormal human psychology, certainly not healthy expectations and perceptions.

I have attended these services where the formality of god invocation was perfunctory, and the pain and loss of the family was the thrust of the service, but that was only because of the warmth of the celebrant, certainly not attributable to a cold, impersonal religion.

 

[Max Rockatansky]

They should change Father Don LaCuesta's name to Father Douchebag.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/fr-don-lacuesta-8a101ba8/

 

[Keith&Co.]

Yeah, this wasn't a speaker at the memorial service who got up when they asked, does anyone want to share their thoughts or memories of the deceased.
This was an official srrvice, a sacrament, and he's doing his job.

American Catholics always amaze me when they think they have a say in the Church's operations, policies, spending... The organization doesn't see you as partners, or even consumers, but inventory.

 

[Lion IRC]

A bit like same-sex 'marriage'.
You don't just walk into the Catholic Church and tell them to redefine the sacrament to suit you.
These arent wedding cake bakers.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

American Catholics always amaze me when they think they have a say in the Church's operations, policies, spending... The organization doesn't see you as partners, or even consumers, but inventory.

Lots of parishes consolidating these days. I was amused how the bishops wanted feedback on how best to make these consolidations work when anyone with a hint of intellect would know the boss has already decided what's to occur.

I think it's the whole obedience thing among catholics.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

A bit like same-sex 'marriage'.
You don't just walk into the Catholic Church and tell them to redefine the sacrament to suit you.
These arent wedding cake bakers.

Of course not. If a private organization is officially against same sex or interracial marriage, they shouldn't be forced to perform one. The only issue with that topic is when those private organizations try to get it banned by public institutions.

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

Suicide ought to be condemned.

I don't know why people think the priest and The Church offer an a la carte menu of preferential options where you can vet what you do and don't hear.

If this funeral was for a victim of gun violence the priest might want to condemn guns.

So why wasn't this priest condemning the failure of our mental health system?

No need to answer; he didn't do it because his cult doesn't recognize it as a problem. They're too busy covering up child molestation to have any clue.

 

[Lion IRC]

The bible condemns suicide.
But it reserves an even greater condemnation for those who would cause someone to feel suicidal.

Choose life!
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-f...Aj1wNQ2qh_elHynfB3a6EoGeEsAEJQSQaApmzEALw_wcB

https://www.lifeline.org.au

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

[Politesse]

I'm of mixed mind here. The priest is a jerk, whose priority ought to be the care of the family and community. A well-placed homily (perhaps in gentler terms) on the ethics of suicide might be appropriate a few weeks from now, but incredibly poor taste at a funeral, and waving hellfire around as a threat is a fool's game that drives more people away from the church than to it, as fewer and fewer people are raised with that particular terror in their consciousness. The first responsibility of a "pastor" is love and care for the flock. Direction and discernment are also important, but if they conflict with the communication of love, they are St Paul's "clanging cymbal" and should be discarded.

On the other hand, what were they thinking having the funeral at a Catholic church? Surely they knew the church's position on this, and have no excuse but laziness if they did not- it is not some secret. A Roman parish is not a megamall church, nor a democracy; you cannot compel a priest to give you whatever message you prefer. If you want mercy unconfined by doctrine, you need to look to a more consumer-driven church. RCC just is not known for sugar-coating things, and never has been. They're lucky they were allowed to have the ceremony inside the church at all; funerals for the surely damned used to be a peremptory and strictly graveside affair. Their behavior - apparently waltzing in with a list of things they wanted said - sounds like a pretty surefire way to piss off the Latin clergy.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

RCC just is not known for sugar-coating things, and never has been. They're lucky they were allowed to have the ceremony inside the church at all; funerals for the surely damned used to be a peremptory and strictly graveside affair. Their behavior - apparently waltzing in with a list of things they wanted said - sounds like a pretty surefire way to piss off the Latin clergy.

And this would be a fine argument IF they hadn't discussed the service with the priest beforehand and told them what they were looking for. If he was unwilling or unable to provide them with what they were looking for, the time to inform them of this was either in the initial meeting when they brought it up or in his preparations where he discovered that he could not abide by their wishes.

Allowing them to believe that the service could be what they wanted while preparing to sandbag them with a message of hellfire and damnation is inexcusable.

Now, I have no issue with the priest standing by his beliefs of what the message should be in a funeral for a suicide victim if that's what he honestly thinks or if that's what the constraints of his position require. Not informing the family about this, however, when they specifically told him what they wanted from him was straight up immoral.

 

[Politesse]

RCC just is not known for sugar-coating things, and never has been. They're lucky they were allowed to have the ceremony inside the church at all; funerals for the surely damned used to be a peremptory and strictly graveside affair. Their behavior - apparently waltzing in with a list of things they wanted said - sounds like a pretty surefire way to piss off the Latin clergy.

And this would be a fine argument IF they hadn't discussed the service with the priest beforehand and told them what they were looking for. If he was unwilling or unable to provide them with what they were looking for, the time to inform them of this was either in the initial meeting when they brought it up or in his preparations where he discovered that he could not abide by their wishes.

Allowing them to believe that the service could be what they wanted while preparing to sandbag them with a message of hellfire and damnation is inexcusable.

It's rude, but if they are truly lifelong Catholics, it should not be surprising. It is not my tradition but I know the Catholic position on this well, and I know that they would not feel compelled to preach whatever I told them to, nor inform me of what they intended to say ahead of time. And if I know this, just on the strength of acquaintance, why on earth don't these folks who are supposedly "devoted" to the tradition? As I said, I don't see the priest's choices as defensible. But the family should also have foreseen what would happen.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

But the family should also have foreseen what would happen.

Ya, I mean it's not like they had other shit going on in their life at the time or anything.

 

[Worldtraveller]

Well, with any luck, there are now another dozen ex-catholics.

 

[Politesse]

But the family should also have foreseen what would happen.

Ya, I mean it's not like they had other shit going on in their life at the time or anything.

Hence why I think the priest is doing a shit job of pastoring. But I mean, his dogmas are also their dogmas. Supposedly. And if not, they would be much better off letting a Protestant do the ceremony. Or an atheist. Or an houngan. As a representative authority of the church temporal, spreading those dogmas is literally what he is paid to do. You might as well give a lion a list of places not to bite you.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Lots of parishes consolidating these days. I was amused how the bishops wanted feedback on how best to make these consolidations work when anyone with a hint of intellect would know the boss has already decided what's to occur.

No one liked the local consolidation. They apparently picked the building yhat would cost the least to maintain in gge future, not the oldest or most popular. The congregafion had to actually becone squatters on the premises to have their inputs heard.

 

[Tom Sawyer]

Lots of parishes consolidating these days. I was amused how the bishops wanted feedback on how best to make these consolidations work when anyone with a hint of intellect would know the boss has already decided what's to occur.

No one liked the local consolidation. They apparently picked the building yhat would cost the least to maintain in gge future, not the oldest or most popular. The congregafion had to actually becone squatters on the premises to have their inputs heard.

Well, I suspect that the oldest and most popular ones are worth more, so they should be sold off to pay the victims of sexual assault. If the congregation wants their inputs heard, they should offer to tithe more in order to make up the difference between the properties.