Profound Thoughts

[ZiprHead]

Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.

 

[mudlark]

Being a legit Nigerian prince must be the most annoying thing ever.

 

[ZiprHead]

Honey is the tastiest of all the insect vomits tried so far.

 

[ZiprHead]

No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.

 

[ZiprHead]

The trees cut down to make Jenga blocks are repeatedly forced to relive their own death.

 

[mudlark]

Uranus is full of gas.

 

[ZiprHead]

Filling a whoopee cushion with chocolate pudding adds a whole new dimension to the joke.

 

[Elixir]

Beware of women who do not hide their age. A woman who reveals her age is capable of anything.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

The seventh day, and I’m getting really pissed off. Yeah, five gold (plated?) rings sound nice, but what in the glorious fuck am I supposed to do with 23 god damn birds?!

And what in the heck am I supposed to think with him giving ‘me’ eight maids a milking?! We have one cow. Yeah, eight young teenaged maids, the cheating creep!

And oh goody, now I have a bunch of piping and drumming and leaping (leaping?!) to go with all the chirping and squawking and bird shit!

Should have married that Jehovah Witness.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

HBO has announced that Season 8 of Game of Thrones will be rereleased with Kings Landing shooting first.

 

[ZiprHead]

If you work as a security guard in a Samsung store, does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?

 

[steve_bank]

Add h to bat and you get bath.

 

[ZiprHead]

Add h to bat and you get bath.

Is Bat short for Batthew?

 

[steve_bank]

Part of me goes down the toilet every day.

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

“Man is certainly stark mad; he cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens.”

― Montaigne, The Complete Essays

 

[Atheos]

I woke up this morning with this thought:

Prayer is free. Delusion is proof that you get what you pay for.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

The hardest choices in life are usually the hardest to make.

 

[Jimmy Higgins]

Have you ever imagined how hard it is to give a giraffe the Heimlich? ... No? So it was just me then.

 

[steve_bank]

Have you ever imagined how hard it is to give a giraffe the Heimlich? ... No? So it was just me then.

I am humbled.

 

[Wiploc]

Have you ever imagined how hard it is to give a giraffe the Heimlich? ... No? So it was just me then.

Did you hear about the monkey who screwed a giraffe? His friends put him up to it.