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Profound Thoughts

Being a legit Nigerian prince must be the most annoying thing ever.
 
Honey is the tastiest of all the insect vomits tried so far.
 
No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.
 
The trees cut down to make Jenga blocks are repeatedly forced to relive their own death.
 
Filling a whoopee cushion with chocolate pudding adds a whole new dimension to the joke.
 
Beware of women who do not hide their age. A woman who reveals her age is capable of anything.
 
The seventh day, and I’m getting really pissed off. Yeah, five gold (plated?) rings sound nice, but what in the glorious fuck am I supposed to do with 23 god damn birds?!

And what in the heck am I supposed to think with him giving ‘me’ eight maids a milking?! We have one cow. Yeah, eight young teenaged maids, the cheating creep!

And oh goody, now I have a bunch of piping and drumming and leaping (leaping?!) to go with all the chirping and squawking and bird shit!

Should have married that Jehovah Witness.
 
HBO has announced that Season 8 of Game of Thrones will be rereleased with Kings Landing shooting first.
 
If you work as a security guard in a Samsung store, does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
 
Part of me goes down the toilet every day.
 
“Man is certainly stark mad; he cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens.”

― Montaigne, The Complete Essays
 
Have you ever imagined how hard it is to give a giraffe the Heimlich? ... No? So it was just me then.
 
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