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Profound Thoughts

Atheos said:
Putting Alka-Seltzer in your mouth before staggering into Walmart and shouting “The virus has mutated!” is frowned upon and is not considered funny.

Don't ask how I know this.
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And suddenly the day has purpose...
 
Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa.

You are cheese dip, baby. YOU. ARE. CHEESE DIP.
 
Me: Can you please bring me a screwdriver?

Wife: Flat head, Phillips, or vodka?

And that's when I knew she was the one.
 
What the fuck are you on about? I don't know jack and Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen and etc...The only reindeer I have any back story on is that red nosed reindeer who wasn't even an original! Is Comet the fastest hence named Comet? Is Cupid always trying to bang the Does? Vixen?! :eek: Maybe instead of telling me the same damn story about a reindeer with a shiny nose, you tell me something about the other ones that had been making Xmas happen for boys and girls for years before Rudolph got into the scene.
 
Jimmy Higgins said:
What the fuck are you on about? I don't know jack and Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen and etc...The only reindeer I have any back story on is that red nosed reindeer who wasn't even an original! Is Comet the fastest hence named Comet? Is Cupid always trying to bang the Does? Vixen?! :eek: Maybe instead of telling me the same damn story about a reindeer with a shiny nose, you tell me something about the other ones that had been making Xmas happen for boys and girls for years before Rudolph got into the scene.
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Donner and Blitzen are German for Thunder and Lightning...
 
Kid: Santa, what's the story of your reindeer names?

Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!

Kid: What about Donner?

*a dark countenance settles on Santa's face*

Santa: the year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...
 
Some people are like Slinkies. They have no real purpose but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.
 
They say that for Christmas we can meet with up to 8 people without problems. But I don’t know 8 people without problems...
 
Keith&Co. said:
Keith&Co. said:
Atheos said:
Putting Alka-Seltzer in your mouth before staggering into Walmart and shouting “The virus has mutated!” is frowned upon and is not considered funny.

Don't ask how I know this.
Click to expand...

And suddenly the day has purpose...
Click to expand...
Maybe now "The vaccine has side effects!!"
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Wife, upon my stating a need for Alka Seltzer on the shopping list: when the lynch mob comes after you, i won't hide you.
 
When you're dead, you don't know you're dead. The pain is felt by others.

The same happens when you're stupid.
 
ZiprHead said:
When you're dead, you don't know you're dead. The pain is felt by others.

The same happens when you're stupid.
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Not.

ETA: I only mean to say that suffering is universal. Chowderheads suffer. I was going to say 'stupid people', but I realized a few things:

a) you did not write 'stupid people'
b) people is a universal, and universals cannot be stupid (I'm a nominalist, essentially)
c) Chowderheads is not a good replacement for 'stupid people', albeit I think it sounds funnier.
 
Now that I have lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches.
 
Genius has a funny way of springing up anywhere and everywhere, much to the chagrin of classists who cannot stand the idea of native genius, who think it impossible or at least extremely unlikely that someone could excel, and even be the "best" at something, without having obtained a degree, or going to school at all, for that matter. Famous autodidacts are bees in the bonnets of bigots, snobs, and classists.
 
It is interesting how often the response to "I don't like something" is "Try it this way!"
 
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