Punchlines Only

[PopeInTheWoods]

Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!

 

[PopeInTheWoods]

"At these prices, I'm not surprised."

 

[Keith&Co.]

And what's worse, my girlfriend agrees with her.

- - - Updated - - -

What do you mean, 'wrong hole?'

 

[George S]

...I went to the doctor, it's only a rash.

 

[Juma]

... Then you should see the other guy!

 

[PopeInTheWoods]

- The world's smartest man just jumped out of the plane with my backpack.

- Yes, it does.

- I only have to run faster than you.

- One's a disgusting slimy bottom-feeder, and the other is a fish.

- What makes you think I'm not?

Or with apologies to Garrison Keillor, my preferred alternative:

- AAAAAAA!!! A talking penguin!

 

[Keith&Co.]

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

 

[Keith&Co.]

He was proud of his reseeding hare line.

 

[Keith&Co.]

Beats the shit out of bacon, doesn't it?

 

[Terrell]

You're not in this for the hunting are you?

mono when you snatch a kiss.

 

[Turambar]

"... and that was the second time I got crabs" from the cult comedy Super Troopers

"Oh, this your wife...you musta been something before electricity." - Rodney Dangerfield

"You really think it's cool for you to hit the sauce with a bun in the oven? " - Bill Murray as Capt. Steve Zisou, talking about having sex with a pregnant woman

" Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!" Bender the robot on Futurama

 

[Garnet]

All I remember was that poor monkey trying to stuff that cork back in.

 

[Keith&Co.]

SO the old guy says, "You must be doing alright. Looks like you only have two left."

I have no idea what this is the punchline TO. I changed radio channels during a 3-hour drive to the Coast. One DJ said this and the other two laughed for five fucking minutes. Then sports and weather for a city i'd already passed beyond.

 

[gmbteach]

'And don't let me catch you wearing them again!'

 

[spikepipsqueak]

*scratches head*

"I'm sorry, you can't get there from here."

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

"It's disgraceful. They're all out of step but our Jock."

 

[Elixir]

That's what she said.

 

[bilby]

It's a shame there are only the two of us.

 

[Veritass]

Poker? I hardly know her.

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"If I can guess your original hair colour can I have my dog back?