The archetype of the stranger rapist is a big part of the problem. Men who know their victims begin to see forcing themselves on women as being something other than rape partly if not mostly because the woman is known to him. And rape is an act between strangers in an alley not study partners in a dorm room.
The definition of rape covers a broad spectrum, which spans from the stranger who hides in an alley to the date who won't leave. This is a lot of the problem, because as Hamlet said, "We must speak by the card, or be undone by equivocation."
In discussions such as this, it's easy to pull a definition from a different part of the spectrum and dispute someone else's point. Although the lines are not distinct, most of us can tell when the line is crossed.
There is a difference between stranger rape and acquaintance rape, sometimes. It is entirely possible for a man to assault an acquaintance and force her to have sex, when there is no ambiguity. It happens. What is more common in acquaintance rape is inferred consent. In the past century, we have had to face a drastic change in social structure, especially among the lower and middle classes. In our culture, adolescents and young adults are basically free being, responsible for themselves and their safety. We allow them to go out in public and into private homes with no supervision from their families. This means sexual contact is not only possible, but very likely.
Since the family can no longer restrict sexual access to their young women, we dropped the burden on the young women. She controls how far a young man may go. Very little attention is paid to the young men, time spent instructing them about sexual limits. This maybe because it's seen as a waste of time. This leads to the immediate problem of recognizing and enforcing a sexual limit. What the hell does that mean?
Nobody really knows. She may not want to limit him. She may want sex as much, or more, than he does. There's no way to predict this.
What this leads to is seeing lack of resistance as consent. This is inferred consent. The man pushes the limit and finds resistance, but not much. Maybe it's just a show of resistance. He pushes harder. If her resistance lessons, is this consent, or has he just worn her down? This can quickly lead to acquaintance rape. She was frightened and intimidated. He thought she wanted it.
The problem here is we have put too much on young women and not enough on young men. It's and issue of socialization. We learn from an early age not to create hazards for other people, through our selfish actions. This is why we have stop signs. Everybody recognizes the need to stop, before proceeding. Perhaps in the coming decades, we will change the way we raise boys and thus change the young men they become.
It would certainly reduce the number of men who think sex with a woman, any woman, is some sort of basic human right, and the government should allow them to seize any woman who cannot defend herself.
