The heartbreaking reality of a teenage girl's sex life

[Loren Pechtel]

The OP started with the observation that porn (hardcore) is a huge problem. Affects both genders in different ways, none of which are good or useful.
Perhaps we need to go back there.
Surely the sheer ubiquity of porn is considered to be a major problem.
If so what are we prepared to do about it?

IMO, the best first step would be to limit porn viewing (and making) to those 21 and over. Yes, I know that some will jump on me for saying 21 instead of 18 but brain science tells us that 18 is far from adult. So is 21, but it's closer to what we really expect of people in real life at 21. Using 18 as the adult age works mostly as a way to avoid responsibilities and to use harsher punishments.

Under 21, there is still too much brain development going on and people are doing a lot of figuring themselves out sexually at 21 and younger.

The real issue is how to limit it. I believe that such sites insist that they are adult only and must be 18 (or maybe 21) to enter. But all it takes is a computer (including phone) and internet access.....

Age limits don't make much difference. Plenty of porn on the internet that's not behind any sort of filter.

 

[Emily Lake]

The OP started with the observation that porn (hardcore) is a huge problem. Affects both genders in different ways, none of which are good or useful.
Perhaps we need to go back there.
Surely the sheer ubiquity of porn is considered to be a major problem.
If so what are we prepared to do about it?

IMO, the best first step would be to limit porn viewing (and making) to those 21 and over. Yes, I know that some will jump on me for saying 21 instead of 18 but brain science tells us that 18 is far from adult. So is 21, but it's closer to what we really expect of people in real life at 21. Using 18 as the adult age works mostly as a way to avoid responsibilities and to use harsher punishments.

Under 21, there is still too much brain development going on and people are doing a lot of figuring themselves out sexually at 21 and younger.

The real issue is how to limit it. I believe that such sites insist that they are adult only and must be 18 (or maybe 21) to enter. But all it takes is a computer (including phone) and internet access.....

One of the challenges is that a lot of young people aren't consuming their porn through explicitly porn sites. It's easily available on very common social media platforms like instagram, tik tok, and reddit. Hell, reddit is notorious for having a huge amount of nonconsensual and child porn content. Reddit is a frightening place, and no young person should ever be allowed to go there.

Then there's stuff like this:

Young adults ages 18-24 years old in the US say that porn is their most helpful source of information about how to have sex, according to a new study led by a School of Public Health researcher and published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

 

[Toni]

The OP started with the observation that porn (hardcore) is a huge problem. Affects both genders in different ways, none of which are good or useful.
Perhaps we need to go back there.
Surely the sheer ubiquity of porn is considered to be a major problem.
If so what are we prepared to do about it?

IMO, the best first step would be to limit porn viewing (and making) to those 21 and over. Yes, I know that some will jump on me for saying 21 instead of 18 but brain science tells us that 18 is far from adult. So is 21, but it's closer to what we really expect of people in real life at 21. Using 18 as the adult age works mostly as a way to avoid responsibilities and to use harsher punishments.

Under 21, there is still too much brain development going on and people are doing a lot of figuring themselves out sexually at 21 and younger.

The real issue is how to limit it. I believe that such sites insist that they are adult only and must be 18 (or maybe 21) to enter. But all it takes is a computer (including phone) and internet access.....

Age limits don't make much difference. Plenty of porn on the internet that's not behind any sort of filter.

I'm not much of a porn connoisseur so I will take your word for it.

I think that it is prudent to limit exposure to porn or at least hard core porn to pre-teens and teens just as it is prudent to limit their exposure to alcohol consumption (and the behavior of adults who over-indulge) and drugs (and the behavior of adults who indulge) and smoking (same thing: second hand smoke kills).

I don't know how to do that in terms of practicality.

 

[thebeave]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

 

[Bronzeage]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

If sexual desire could be sated by masturbation, whether aided by porn, or not, the human race would have gone extinct about the same time we evolved the opposable thumb. The idea that a rapist(person whose sexual satisfaction is linked to violently forcing another person to submit to him) will be satisfied by watching images of violent sex, misunderstands the nature of rape and sexually related violence.

If the dropping marriage rate is linked to porn, it's more likely that a generation is making life decisions based on bad information.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Then there's stuff like this:

Young adults ages 18-24 years old in the US say that porn is their most helpful source of information about how to have sex, according to a new study led by a School of Public Health researcher and published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Which is why we need good sex ed. Teach them reality so they recognize porn for the Hollywood that it is.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

Yup. The wide availability of porn results in a major reduction in actual sexual assault. (IIRC something like an 80% reduction.) Observed over many countries.

We also see an effect with the release of violent movies causing a short term reduction in vandalism/petty violence. (And with no rebound--it's not that they were in the theaters then and commit their crimes some other day.)

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

If sexual desire could be sated by masturbation, whether aided by porn, or not, the human race would have gone extinct about the same time we evolved the opposable thumb. The idea that a rapist(person whose sexual satisfaction is linked to violently forcing another person to submit to him) will be satisfied by watching images of violent sex, misunderstands the nature of rape and sexually related violence.

Sorry, but the effect is real.

If the dropping marriage rate is linked to porn, it's more likely that a generation is making life decisions based on bad information.

I doubt there's a relationship between marriage and porn. Rather, that there's a relationship between sexual attitudes that accept porn and sexual attitudes about sex outside of marriage--which reduces the pressure to get married in order to have sex.

 

[Emily Lake]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

My understanding is that... it's complicated. The topic is extremely divided in research findings. It seems as if whatever one wants the outcome to be can be supported by research.

My speculation is that there are multiple dynamics at play that aren't being controlled for. On the one had, you have fully mature adults who are self-aware of their unacceptable inclinations toward sexual violence or child molestation, and who are able to redirect those urges toward fantasy-based outlets. On the other hand, you've got a generation of young people growing up with exposure to this, who are being conditioned to see physical violence, force, coercion, and abuse normalized as "regular sex", and are being taught subconsciously that this is what people want and like.

I think the worst part of it is the blurring of boundaries. Modern Sex Ed hammers home the need for consent, yes, and that's good... But it also fuzzes the concept of sexual boundaries. It leaves young people in a position where they may very well want to have sex with another person, and thus they consent to sex... but they end up feeling that they really can't say no to some hair-pulling, choking, slapping, or anal... because that's just "sex" and if you don't like it there's something wrong with you.

And yes, as Politesse said, it affects both girls and boys. Both suffer emotional harm and their ability to form relationships is hindered. Unfortunately, the physical harm of this is borne almost entirely by girls. As a female of the human species, and a woman who has been sexually assaulted and the victim of attempted rape... I have a rather stronger level of support for the harm being done to girls as a result of the ubiquity of completely unrealistic porn.

 

[thebeave]

The most shocking thing in this thread so far is how no one has beat on Tswizzle for referencing the Daily Mail. as his source.

 

[Tigers!]

The most shocking thing in this thread so far is how no one has beat on Tswizzle for referencing the Daily Mail. as his source.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

 

[Tigers!]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

Yup. The wide availability of porn results in a major reduction in actual sexual assault. (IIRC something like an 80% reduction.) Observed over many countries.

So much much porn would reduce actual sexual assault by 100%? Do any studies suggest that?

 

[Toni]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

Yup. The wide availability of porn results in a major reduction in actual sexual assault. (IIRC something like an 80% reduction.) Observed over many countries.

We also see an effect with the release of violent movies causing a short term reduction in vandalism/petty violence. (And with no rebound--it's not that they were in the theaters then and commit their crimes some other day.)

I'd be very interested in knowing who funded these 'studies.'

 

[Emily Lake]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

Yup. The wide availability of porn results in a major reduction in actual sexual assault. (IIRC something like an 80% reduction.) Observed over many countries.

We also see an effect with the release of violent movies causing a short term reduction in vandalism/petty violence. (And with no rebound--it's not that they were in the theaters then and commit their crimes some other day.)

I'd be very interested in knowing who funded these 'studies.'

I suspect it's the same kind of people who push to legalize "sex work" even though it increases human trafficking and sexual slavery.

Sex work is 'work' in pretty much the same way that slavery is a 'job'.

 

[TSwizzle]

The OP started with the observation that porn (hardcore) is a huge problem. Affects both genders in different ways, none of which are good or useful.
Perhaps we need to go back there.
Surely the sheer ubiquity of porn is considered to be a major problem.
If so what are we prepared to do about it?

The sheer ubiquity of porn is only a small part of the problem in my opinion. And it would be near impossible to curtail its availability to young people but I think some effort should be made to control access to it. I think all porn should be moved off the .com extension and moved to something else, .prn or something. And allow parents to block .prn sites from home network and their kid's devices. Very difficult to do and would require major cooperation from the tech industry and the porn content creators too. Tik-tok, instagram etc should also be as vigilant about porn content on their platform as they are about pictures of a mother breast feeding.

But realistically, throttling the access to porn just doesn't seem viable. It's going to have to come down to education and what to do with porn.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I'd thought I read quite a while ago that exposure to porn actually reduces rape and sexual abuse. The theory being that a person so inclined to do such things gets his sexual desires satiated from porn instead. Seems reasonable. Though I also wonder if high def Free Access to Porn (aka FAP), is also somewhat responsible for the sharp decline in marriage rates in recent years. Just rub one out and go back to your video games and Cheetos (until the hornyness builds up again, then rinse and repeat).

Yup. The wide availability of porn results in a major reduction in actual sexual assault. (IIRC something like an 80% reduction.) Observed over many countries.

We also see an effect with the release of violent movies causing a short term reduction in vandalism/petty violence. (And with no rebound--it's not that they were in the theaters then and commit their crimes some other day.)

I'd be very interested in knowing who funded these 'studies.'

The pattern has been observed across many countries so I doubt it's just one study. Unfortunately, such things tend to be behind paywalls. Some stuff I do find, though:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of-smut/

Sex offenders commonly report porn helps them keep their desires in the realm of imagination.

 

[Tigers!]

I'd be very interested in knowing who funded these 'studies.'

The pattern has been observed across many countries so I doubt it's just one study. Unfortunately, such things tend to be behind paywalls. Some stuff I do find, though:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of-smut/

Sex offenders commonly report porn helps them keep their desires in the realm of imagination.

I find the last comment non-feasible. Such offenders are lying.
My father did extensive work with sex offenders in Australian prisons. He says that all sex offenders were addicted to porn. They get addicted so much that just like drug users the existing 'fix' is not enough. So they increase the dose. For sex offenders this means going from visual imagery to people. He says that there is no safe level of porn for anyone.

 

[Tigers!]

The OP started with the observation that porn (hardcore) is a huge problem. Affects both genders in different ways, none of which are good or useful.
Perhaps we need to go back there.
Surely the sheer ubiquity of porn is considered to be a major problem.
If so what are we prepared to do about it?

The sheer ubiquity of porn is only a small part of the problem in my opinion. And it would be near impossible to curtail its availability to young people but I think some effort should be made to control access to it. I think all porn should be moved off the .com extension and moved to something else, .prn or something. And allow parents to block .prn sites from home network and their kid's devices. Very difficult to do and would require major cooperation from the tech industry and the porn content creators too. Tik-tok, instagram etc should also be as vigilant about porn content on their platform as they are about pictures of a mother breast feeding.

But realistically, throttling the access to porn just doesn't seem viable. It's going to have to come down to education and what to do with porn.

Sadly i agree with the 2nd last statement

 

[Emily Lake]

I find the last comment non-feasible. Such offenders are lying.
My father did extensive work with sex offenders in Australian prisons. He says that all sex offenders were addicted to porn. They get addicted so much that just like drug users the existing 'fix' is not enough. So they increase the dose. For sex offenders this means going from visual imagery to people. He says that there is no safe level of porn for anyone.

I could see an argument that for a horny college kid, porn might prevent them from getting out of hand while drunk and date-raping a girl. But not for sex offenders. Like you said, it doesn't seem to work that way, unless the "researcher" is trying to support a pre-existing belief.

It's up there with the people preaching that "Sex Work is Work", and pretending that legalizing prostitution is "empowering" to women... while simultaneously ignoring that legalized prostitution increases human trafficking for the purpose of sexual slavery and makes it legal to exploit vulnerable people.

 

[Tigers!]

I find the last comment non-feasible. Such offenders are lying.
My father did extensive work with sex offenders in Australian prisons. He says that all sex offenders were addicted to porn. They get addicted so much that just like drug users the existing 'fix' is not enough. So they increase the dose. For sex offenders this means going from visual imagery to people. He says that there is no safe level of porn for anyone.

I could see an argument that for a horny college kid, porn might prevent them from getting out of hand while drunk and date-raping a girl. But not for sex offenders. Like you said, it doesn't seem to work that way, unless the "researcher" is trying to support a pre-existing belief.

It's up there with the people preaching that "Sex Work is Work", and pretending that legalizing prostitution is "empowering" to women... while simultaneously ignoring that legalized prostitution increases human trafficking for the purpose of sexual slavery and makes it legal to exploit vulnerable people.

Yes cognitive dissonance appears in some unusual places at times.