The Manhood Trap

[Loren Pechtel]

Curious about this Incel thing, which I've heard of but paid no attention to, I decided just now to visit an incel discussion forum. It was filled with more hateful insanity than I've seen anywhere else.

One would, I assume, have to be filled a special kind of self-loathing to identify as "incel" in the first place. To find a "home" on the internet among the likewise afflicted is to embrace and cultivate the affliction, not to address it.

A great many incels (not all) are incels not because of female empowerment, but because women find them repulsive.

Women find them repulsive because they have elevated their own repulsiveness to a high personal value. It excuses so much!

Disagree--I think the repulsiveness is depression.

I believe that if the majority of self-declared incels were hypnotized into believing they were bright, funny, interesting and confident, you could put them in any bar, concert or in whatever circumstance people use for meeting other people these days, they'd do just fine with "the ladies", even with a dirty shirt. (It makes them come across so genuine!)
OTOH, in their "icel" mental state, you could give them Robert Redford looks and within a minute or two those same females would be edging away telling each other "that guy creeps me out!".

Disagree--I think what we see is a reaction, not a cause.

If you don't want to be an "incel", maybe the trick is just be "cel" and be happy with it until magically, you're not "cel" any more because you weren't so uptight about it that you chased everyone away.
Just a guess of course...

No. Loneliness leads to depression which makes someone unattractive.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Still waiting for @RVonse to explain this disempowering the wimmins thing, and how it would help incels get laid.

I am still waiting for a reason why anyone other than themselves should care a whit whether or not incels get laid.

Because it becomes a problem for society.

 

[Elixir]

I've given the same simple advice, "Clean shirt, clean nails, smell good, and smile", for many years, but have yet to see the recipient actually try it.

Did you HAVE to give away ALL my tricks??

I did leave out "look like you're happy to be there".

Ya mean "smile" doesn't cover that?

 

[Elixir]

Curious about this Incel thing, which I've heard of but paid no attention to, I decided just now to visit an incel discussion forum. It was filled with more hateful insanity than I've seen anywhere else.

One would, I assume, have to be filled a special kind of self-loathing to identify as "incel" in the first place. To find a "home" on the internet among the likewise afflicted is to embrace and cultivate the affliction, not to address it.

A great many incels (not all) are incels not because of female empowerment, but because women find them repulsive.

Women find them repulsive because they have elevated their own repulsiveness to a high personal value. It excuses so much!

Disagree--I think the repulsiveness is depression.

Depression is a self-fulfilling dynamic. Being depressed makes people depressed, which is why it is often described as a vicious cycle.

I believe that if the majority of self-declared incels were hypnotized into believing they were bright, funny, interesting and confident, you could put them in any bar, concert or in whatever circumstance people use for meeting other people these days, they'd do just fine with "the ladies", even with a dirty shirt. (It makes them come across so genuine!)
OTOH, in their "icel" mental state, you could give them Robert Redford looks and within a minute or two those same females would be edging away telling each other "that guy creeps me out!".

Disagree--I think what we see is a reaction, not a cause.

Reaction to WHAT? Females who are empowered? Reaction to the revulsion provoked by their dirty shirt?
A reaction in a vacuum?

If you don't want to be an "incel", maybe the trick is just be "cel" and be happy with it until magically, you're not "cel" any more because you weren't so uptight about it that you chased everyone away.
Just a guess of course...

No. Loneliness leads to depression which makes someone unattractive.

I wasn't prescribing loneliness. I think most of these incels regard any kind of relationship with a female as a step toward, or an obstacle preventing, sex. One can mitigate loneliness without having to fuck somebody. (Yeah I know - it helps, but only temporarily)
Whatever "leads to depression" has already afflicted them - that's why they"re "incel".
I recommend relationship building as a way out of depression. If you can't do that without sex, that's probably a big part of the reason nobody wants to have sex with you.

Platonic (the term)

• Definition:
  A relationship marked by mutual respect, trust, and a lack of romantic or sexual feelings

If they can't muster respect and trust, whatthehell kind of sex are they looking for?
(PLEASE don't answer that!)

Most if not all of the lasting sexual relationships I have ever had, began platonically - even if the platonic phase only lasted hours or even minutes.

 

[Toni]

Curious about this Incel thing, which I've heard of but paid no attention to, I decided just now to visit an incel discussion forum. It was filled with more hateful insanity than I've seen anywhere else.

One would, I assume, have to be filled a special kind of self-loathing to identify as "incel" in the first place. To find a "home" on the internet among the likewise afflicted is to embrace and cultivate the affliction, not to address it.

A great many incels (not all) are incels not because of female empowerment, but because women find them repulsive.

Women find them repulsive because they have elevated their own repulsiveness to a high personal value. It excuses so much!

Disagree--I think the repulsiveness is depression.

Depression is a self-fulfilling dynamic. Being depressed makes people depressed, which is why it is often described as a vicious cycle.

I believe that if the majority of self-declared incels were hypnotized into believing they were bright, funny, interesting and confident, you could put them in any bar, concert or in whatever circumstance people use for meeting other people these days, they'd do just fine with "the ladies", even with a dirty shirt. (It makes them come across so genuine!)
OTOH, in their "icel" mental state, you could give them Robert Redford looks and within a minute or two those same females would be edging away telling each other "that guy creeps me out!".

Disagree--I think what we see is a reaction, not a cause.

Reaction to WHAT? Females who are empowered? Reaction to the revulsion provoked by their dirty shirt?
A reaction in a vacuum?

If you don't want to be an "incel", maybe the trick is just be "cel" and be happy with it until magically, you're not "cel" any more because you weren't so uptight about it that you chased everyone away.
Just a guess of course...

No. Loneliness leads to depression which makes someone unattractive.

I wasn't prescribing loneliness. I think most of these incels regard any kind of relationship with a female as a step toward, or an obstacle preventing, sex. One can mitigate loneliness without having to fuck somebody. (Yeah I know - it helps, but only temporarily)
Whatever "leads to depression" has already afflicted them - that's why they"re "incel".
I recommend relationship building as a way out of depression. If you can't do that without sex, that's probably a big part of the reason nobody wants to have sex with you.

Platonic (the term)

• Definition:
  A relationship marked by mutual respect, trust, and a lack of romantic or sexual feelings

If they can't muster respect and trust, whatthehell kind of sex are they looking for?
(PLEASE don't answer that!)

Most if not all of the lasting sexual relationships I have ever had, began platonically - even if the platonic phase only lasted hours or even minutes.

Loneliness can lead to depression but yes, depression can become a cycle. It's not a character flaw but an insidious disease that makes it extremely difficult for sufferers to seek out the help they need. Yes, there's a strong genetic component and yes, there are meds but meds alone are less effective than when combined with something like talk therapy or volunteering or other social activity.

Anger can help (temporarily) alleviate depression. Anger can trigger the release of adrenaline and noradrenaline which temporarily can make you feel a burst of energy, something that is badly sapped by depression. It's a poor solution to feeling down, although I have channeled it to cleaning, which helps burn off the energy from anger and leaves my house a bit cleaner and less cluttered, helping alleviate depression and also anger. That and writing or painting or other creative non-destructive uses for the energy burst also can help.

I well imagine that bonding in a group of people who seem similar to yourself, similar in outlook and in life's problems can feel empowering, which again, alleviates loneliness and depression.

It's unfortunate that such online communities exist which provide temporary hits of energy but only really further the cycle of depression and anger and isolation. Look at this online community: we come together to share our worldviews with people who are at least somewhat similar. We don't attack one another for the most part and we have rules and mods in place to limit conflict to civil levels. I know a lot of us view each other (or some of each other) as friends. Which helps alleviate loneliness and perhaps helps with depression as well.

I feel certain that unfortunately these incel communities have been heavily monetized and so rather than provide support for one another and pushing back against the worst impulses it does the exact opposite: It lets members feel justified in their anger and shame and depression and focusses on outside 'sources' beyond anyone's control, thereby perpetuating the depression/isolation/anger/community (in a very fucked up way) cycle.

Instead of helping each other, they are dragging each other down. Somebody's making a lot of money off of this stuff.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

I've given the same simple advice, "Clean shirt, clean nails, smell good, and smile", for many years, but have yet to see the recipient actually try it.

The problem is this is the low hanging fruit, you act as if it is a general solution.

Meh, it's like 80% of the solution.

As with so many such "solutions" it's going to help the easy cases that probably would have been solved at some point anyway, while doing nothing about the hard cases.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

If you are a male, and are attractive to a tiny fraction - say 0.1% of women - that means there are hundred of thousands or millions of women you could attract (pro tip: try one at a time!)

Yeah, all of this. The problem these idiots have is self-inflicted, and maiy arises from their seeing women as an amorphous commodity, rather than as individual humans with wants, needs, desires, and thoughts all of their own.

Look around - there are observably at least some women out there who will tolerate men that have no apparently redeeming features whatsoever.

The problem here is that to some degree they are an amorphous commodity. The reality is there are more men than women. Fewer are getting killed off in various ways, increasing the imbalance. It's a pigeonhole problem--more pigeons than holes, some will be left over. The standard reaction to pigeonhole problems is to tell people to better themselves--that can change which ones don't fit but it can't fix the fundamental issue that some won't fit. Dating, jobs, whatever, the bar is always going to end up rising to the point that some don't make it.

We see the same thing the other way around with the elderly, there's not enough men to go around. There at least we have the sense to not pretend they can solve it by bettering themselves.

I do not have a fix and I suspect there is no fix, but that doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Dismissing it just turns the ones that fail against society and provides an easy target for radicalization.

 

[Toni]

In t

If you are a male, and are attractive to a tiny fraction - say 0.1% of women - that means there are hundred of thousands or millions of women you could attract (pro tip: try one at a time!)

Yeah, all of this. The problem these idiots have is self-inflicted, and maiy arises from their seeing women as an amorphous commodity, rather than as individual humans with wants, needs, desires, and thoughts all of their own.

Look around - there are observably at least some women out there who will tolerate men that have no apparently redeeming features whatsoever.

The problem here is that to some degree they are an amorphous commodity. The reality is there are more men than women. Fewer are getting killed off in various ways, increasing the imbalance. It's a pigeonhole problem--more pigeons than holes, some will be left over. The standard reaction to pigeonhole problems is to tell people to better themselves--that can change which ones don't fit but it can't fix the fundamental issue that some won't fit. Dating, jobs, whatever, the bar is always going to end up rising to the point that some don't make it.

We see the same thing the other way around with the elderly, there's not enough men to go around. There at least we have the sense to not pretend they can solve it by bettering themselves.

I do not have a fix and I suspect there is no fix, but that doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Dismissing it just turns the ones that fail against society and provides an easy target for radicalization.

In The US, there are more adult females than adult males.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

It is impossible to ‘know’ mating practices of species who lived 3 million years ago.

It is possible to know that the penises of our closest living relatives differ dramatic calls from human penises in shape or anatomy, with bonobos and chimpanzees both having a penile bone and lacking the glans which is prominently featured in this discussion.

Which says that it evolved at some point after that.

The supposed mechanism for makes ensuring their semen wins the race has zero evidence and indeed is in direct contradiction with human female anatomy and with human reproduction. It’s both ludicrous and offensive.

Anatomy simply is. You may not like it but it can't be offensive because that implies intent. And while we do have some ludicrous bits of our anatomy (one that comes to mind is a nerve that goes way, way out of the way because evolution fares very poorly at crossing gaps--the nerve is on the wrong side of something (I forget what right now) that has evolved considerably, it's extremely hard for the body to fix such problems. But this is fairly recent evolution, it's very unlikely it's due to chance.

You not liking what it implies about sexual practices does not make it go away. The penis design approximates a pump, there's something to pump.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

RVonse had given a reason (or a threat?) which you disparage:

I see it as a prediction, not a threat.

Violent right-wing men ARE a major threat in the U.S.A. I wonder how many of them are incels. Based on Jordan Klepper interviews and other evidence, misogyny is certainly prevalent among ardent pro-Trump MAGGATs. Even female Trump-lickers seem anti-women.

Exactly. Instead of looking for ways to help society is radicalizing them. The left is reacting to them much like the right is reacting to harm coming to liberals.

Just now I asked ChatGPT about incels:

In the U.S., the General Social Survey (2018–2021) found a rise in young men (under 30) reporting no sex in the past year — around 28% in 2018 vs. ~10% in the early 2000s.

Almost a TRIPLING of "no sex" in just 15 years?? That seems like a HUGE social change.

I don't trust ChatGPT one bit about this but the numbers are consistent with what I've encountered elsewhere.

the actively engaged online incel community worldwide numbers tens of thousands (maybe ~50k–100k across platforms), but the broader pool of young men who might resonate with incel themes is much larger — possibly in the millions.
...
Anglophone countries dominate online incel spaces [mainly] because English is the lingua franca of the internet [but East Asia also has] organized online incel cultures: herbivore men (Japan), sampo generation (Korea), shengnan/shengnu (China, for “leftover men/women”). Not always “incel” in the strict sense, but overlapping issues of social isolation, dating, and declining marriage.

Exactly. It's a problem across the industrialized world. It's especially bad in China because the disparity is high enough that the reality of the dating scene is that it has a high financial burden for men to enter.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Perhaps autism is part of it. But empowerment is much more likely considering a zero sum game. When you give one sex much more power it will surely be at some cost to someone else.

I do see the benefits of female empowerment. Its just the lack of people willing to admit there has been a cost, especially when their ideology is at stake. And you see this with both conservatives and liberals. For example, if an oil well needs to be exploited you will find a conservative anywhere who will justify its enormous environmental cost. But its no difference with the progressives. Progressives on this thread seem to have a great deal trouble even to acknowledge the incels let alone discuss a whole segment of the population greatly affected by what has happened with female empowerment.

1) Most people do not consider it a cost when power is given to the side that has less of it.

2) You're missing the fact that giving more power to males will not ensure a more even distribution of sex.

(And you're missing that love is far more important than sex. You do not get love by applying pressure.)

Also rape is not sex. It’s assault. Sex under ‘pressure’ is quite often rape.

I don't see that he is envisioning rape, but rather a marketplace where women have to pick somebody. It is not rape on the part of the individual (they are not in any way compelling sex), but it is in effect rape on the part of society.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Curious about this Incel thing, which I've heard of but paid no attention to, I decided just now to visit an incel discussion forum. It was filled with more hateful insanity than I've seen anywhere else.

One would, I assume, have to be filled a special kind of self-loathing to identify as "incel" in the first place. To find a "home" on the internet among the likewise afflicted is to embrace and cultivate the affliction, not to address it.

A great many incels (not all) are incels not because of female empowerment, but because women find them repulsive.

Women find them repulsive because they have elevated their own repulsiveness to a high personal value. It excuses so much!

Disagree--I think the repulsiveness is depression.

Depression is a self-fulfilling dynamic. Being depressed makes people depressed, which is why it is often described as a vicious cycle.

Depression is self-perpetuating, but it's initiated by external factors. A good comparison is fire--once started it destroys whatever but it doesn't start itself.

I believe that if the majority of self-declared incels were hypnotized into believing they were bright, funny, interesting and confident, you could put them in any bar, concert or in whatever circumstance people use for meeting other people these days, they'd do just fine with "the ladies", even with a dirty shirt. (It makes them come across so genuine!)
OTOH, in their "icel" mental state, you could give them Robert Redford looks and within a minute or two those same females would be edging away telling each other "that guy creeps me out!".

Disagree--I think what we see is a reaction, not a cause.

Reaction to WHAT? Females who are empowered? Reaction to the revulsion provoked by their dirty shirt?
A reaction in a vacuum?

Reaction to a failure in the social marketplace.

If you don't want to be an "incel", maybe the trick is just be "cel" and be happy with it until magically, you're not "cel" any more because you weren't so uptight about it that you chased everyone away.
Just a guess of course...

No. Loneliness leads to depression which makes someone unattractive.

I wasn't prescribing loneliness. I think most of these incels regard any kind of relationship with a female as a step toward, or an obstacle preventing, sex. One can mitigate loneliness without having to fuck somebody. (Yeah I know - it helps, but only temporarily)
Whatever "leads to depression" has already afflicted them - that's why they"re "incel".
I recommend relationship building as a way out of depression. If you can't do that without sex, that's probably a big part of the reason nobody wants to have sex with you.

Incel is a result, not a root cause.

Platonic (the term)

• Definition:
  A relationship marked by mutual respect, trust, and a lack of romantic or sexual feelings

If they can't muster respect and trust, whatthehell kind of sex are they looking for?
(PLEASE don't answer that!)

Most if not all of the lasting sexual relationships I have ever had, began platonically - even if the platonic phase only lasted hours or even minutes.

Yes, but that means those that fail at the platonic phase don't make it to the sexual phase.

 

[Bronzeage]

I've given the same simple advice, "Clean shirt, clean nails, smell good, and smile", for many years, but have yet to see the recipient actually try it.

Did you HAVE to give away ALL my tricks??

I did leave out "look like you're happy to be there".

Ya mean "smile" doesn't cover that?

One would think, but a man on a sinking ship will smile when he sees the Coast Guard.

 

[Elixir]

One would think, but a man on a sinking ship will smile when he sees the Coast Guard.

So he's not happy to be where he is, but happy to see the Coast Guard, and SHOULD be happy he's not in the water.
Of course, considering that the whole rest of his family drowned, I guess he can be forgiven if he's not elated.

 

[Elixir]

Incel is a result, not a root cause.

Results are outcomes 'caused by' choices.

Yes, but that means those that fail at the platonic phase don't make it to the sexual phase.

So? If you can't derive SOME kind of satisfaction or enjoyment from the platonic phase (which isn't necessarily a time span) there is little chance of getting consensual sex out of it. If it doesn't lead to sex, so what? Get good at relating and it WILL at some point. PRACTICE.
Regarding sex as an urgent NEED is submitting to primal urges just like reflexively punching someone who said something you don't like. Not acceptable.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

Loneliness can lead to depression but yes, depression can become a cycle. It's not a character flaw but an insidious disease that makes it extremely difficult for sufferers to seek out the help they need. Yes, there's a strong genetic component and yes, there are meds but meds alone are less effective than when combined with something like talk therapy or volunteering or other social activity.

Saying it's a cycle doesn't mean there's no trigger.

I well imagine that bonding in a group of people who seem similar to yourself, similar in outlook and in life's problems can feel empowering, which again, alleviates loneliness and depression.

Agreed. That's what drives them to the incel places.

It's unfortunate that such online communities exist which provide temporary hits of energy but only really further the cycle of depression and anger and isolation. Look at this online community: we come together to share our worldviews with people who are at least somewhat similar. We don't attack one another for the most part and we have rules and mods in place to limit conflict to civil levels. I know a lot of us view each other (or some of each other) as friends. Which helps alleviate loneliness and perhaps helps with depression as well.

I think it's impossible to avoid them without some pretty draconian restrictions. Communities spring up around interests.

I feel certain that unfortunately these incel communities have been heavily monetized and so rather than provide support for one another and pushing back against the worst impulses it does the exact opposite: It lets members feel justified in their anger and shame and depression and focusses on outside 'sources' beyond anyone's control, thereby perpetuating the depression/isolation/anger/community (in a very fucked up way) cycle.

Instead of helping each other, they are dragging each other down. Somebody's making a lot of money off of this stuff.

I don't think it's the communities themselves that are monetized, although some of the leaders certainly are.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

The problem here is that to some degree they are an amorphous commodity. The reality is there are more men than women. Fewer are getting killed off in various ways, increasing the imbalance. It's a pigeonhole problem--more pigeons than holes, some will be left over. The standard reaction to pigeonhole problems is to tell people to better themselves--that can change which ones don't fit but it can't fix the fundamental issue that some won't fit. Dating, jobs, whatever, the bar is always going to end up rising to the point that some don't make it.

We see the same thing the other way around with the elderly, there's not enough men to go around. There at least we have the sense to not pretend they can solve it by bettering themselves.

I do not have a fix and I suspect there is no fix, but that doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Dismissing it just turns the ones that fail against society and provides an easy target for radicalization.

In The US, there are more adult females than adult males.

Demographics!

There are more young males than young females. There are more old females than old males. Both groups have problems. And, yes, that suggests a solution of men dating women that are older than they are--but society tends to look down on this, and the older women don't want the younger men.

 

[Elixir]

Saying it's a cycle doesn't mean there's no trigger.

Triggers are one thing, guns are another. One CAN experience being triggered without responding by pulling that trigger. This is a lesson that could be learned if the incel in question would/could find a goddam friend of the opposite sex, rather than questing for sex with someone who is the opposite of a friend.
There is a woman who I "spurned" in highschool (fell hard for someone who remains one of her best friends to this day) who, in the intervening SIXTY years, has schooled me in a lot of matters of females' preferences. I have even experienced regret at not "falling for" her way back when, such is the depth of her ability to relate her insights. What she has related to me (and occasionally still does) has been a guiding light of sorts; I think much of my relationships with women - sexual and/or otherwise - have been guided by her unseen, unfelt touch.
If there had HAD to be a sexual component to our "thing" I'd have missed out on so much more - even so much more sex.

This incel thing doesn't inspire a lot of pity from me when self reflection is absent from the equation. Having a platonic relationship or two would be a brave and very helpful thing for some of them to try to do. Dispels loneliness, inspires confidence, and even motivates one to wash their shirt.

 

[Toni]

It is impossible to ‘know’ mating practices of species who lived 3 million years ago.

It is possible to know that the penises of our closest living relatives differ dramatic calls from human penises in shape or anatomy, with bonobos and chimpanzees both having a penile bone and lacking the glans which is prominently featured in this discussion.

Which says that it evolved at some point after that.

The supposed mechanism for makes ensuring their semen wins the race has zero evidence and indeed is in direct contradiction with human female anatomy and with human reproduction. It’s both ludicrous and offensive.

Anatomy simply is. You may not like it but it can't be offensive because that implies intent. And while we do have some ludicrous bits of our anatomy (one that comes to mind is a nerve that goes way, way out of the way because evolution fares very poorly at crossing gaps--the nerve is on the wrong side of something (I forget what right now) that has evolved considerably, it's extremely hard for the body to fix such problems. But this is fairly recent evolution, it's very unlikely it's due to chance.

You not liking what it implies about sexual practices does not make it go away. The penis design approximates a pump, there's something to pump.

Your assumptions are what are offensive and completely without foundation.

You have zero evidence of what sexual practices were millions of years ago. You wish to base your assumption of what the shape of the penis is based on some bizarre male fantasy that seems to include an abysmal lack of knowledge of fertility, sperm motility, women’s physical anatomy ( which is alarming as you’ve been married for some years) just for starters.

You have zero evidence that what amounts to gang banging was common mating behavior at any time in history outside of sexually confused adolescent male fantasies.

You are so insecure that you ignore basic physical evidence of the shape and contours of the human vagina and believe that in some universe, the penis was designed or evolved to scoop out other male’s semen in favor of what he had just deposited or was about to deposit. It sincerely makes no sense.

 

[Toni]

The problem here is that to some degree they are an amorphous commodity. The reality is there are more men than women. Fewer are getting killed off in various ways, increasing the imbalance. It's a pigeonhole problem--more pigeons than holes, some will be left over. The standard reaction to pigeonhole problems is to tell people to better themselves--that can change which ones don't fit but it can't fix the fundamental issue that some won't fit. Dating, jobs, whatever, the bar is always going to end up rising to the point that some don't make it.

We see the same thing the other way around with the elderly, there's not enough men to go around. There at least we have the sense to not pretend they can solve it by bettering themselves.

I do not have a fix and I suspect there is no fix, but that doesn't mean there isn't a problem. Dismissing it just turns the ones that fail against society and provides an easy target for radicalization.

In The US, there are more adult females than adult males.

Demographics!

There are more young males than young females. There are more old females than old males. Both groups have problems. And, yes, that suggests a solution of men dating women that are older than they are--but society tends to look down on this, and the older women don't want the younger men.

Oh, honey. There are plenty of older women who would be happy to teach a younger man a thing or two!

And pardon me for asking, but isn’t your wife older than you are?

Perhaps autism is part of it. But empowerment is much more likely considering a zero sum game. When you give one sex much more power it will surely be at some cost to someone else.

I do see the benefits of female empowerment. Its just the lack of people willing to admit there has been a cost, especially when their ideology is at stake. And you see this with both conservatives and liberals. For example, if an oil well needs to be exploited you will find a conservative anywhere who will justify its enormous environmental cost. But its no difference with the progressives. Progressives on this thread seem to have a great deal trouble even to acknowledge the incels let alone discuss a whole segment of the population greatly affected by what has happened with female empowerment.

1) Most people do not consider it a cost when power is given to the side that has less of it.

2) You're missing the fact that giving more power to males will not ensure a more even distribution of sex.

(And you're missing that love is far more important than sex. You do not get love by applying pressure.)

Also rape is not sex. It’s assault. Sex under ‘pressure’ is quite often rape.

I don't see that he is envisioning rape, but rather a marketplace where women have to pick somebody. It is not rape on the part of the individual (they are not in any way compelling sex), but it is in effect rape on the part of society.

Yeah, you are admitting it is rape. I realize that you and he are uncomfortable with the idea that compelling sex is rape but it is always rape.