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Things that make you laugh...

Tallest son: Japan is making real, life-sized Gundam!
Me: okay.
TS: and it's heavier than a battleship!
Me: ? Um....
TS: it's 25 tons! And i found a chart showing a battleship weighs 23 tons!
Me: First off, no you did not. Second, that's displacement, not weight. My sub displaced 16,000 tons of water on the surface, 18,000 tons submerged.
TS: Thousand?
Me: yes, thousands.
TS: I appear to have totally misread that chart.
Me: i think so.
TS: Excuse. I have the posts to delete.
Me: With quickness.
 
Massachusetts is cooperating with other states to track EZ Pass information and catch people who travel out of state and do not observe the mandatory quarantine period upon their return. At the morning business meeting, they were discussing two recent fines levied against violators. One using his own car, one using a rental, with EZ Pass enabled.
Coworker: Man, it's almost like Big Brother!
Me: What do you mean, like? It's literally Big Brother.
C: No, i'm talking about the idea that Big Brother is watching you. Watching what you do.
Me: Yeeeeees... And in the book, 'Big Brother' is the government. This is the government, so-
C: What book?
 
Oh My Fucking God. they just keep getting stupider and stupider and yet louder and more talkative and revealing of their increasing stupid. Holy shit.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :rotfl:

dickmasks.jpg
 
Couldn't participate in the morning Skype meeting.
Connected fine, saw everyone, saw the presentation, but no one could hear me. Tried a different plug. Played with settings. Rebooted, problem persisted. Had to type in comments.

After the meeting, youngest child (who sold me this headset) offered to help troubleshoot.
"Okay, so obviously you already checked the mike's off switch..."
"Um, get out."Sexy
 
Finally got around to watching Dexter. Pretty awesome show so far. I'm in season one. A few minutes ago, Netflix decided to freeze right at this point:

dexter_freeze.png
 
Tonight i found my watch when the alarm went off for my medication. The velcro strap had caught on a blanket and it was buried under a crowd of stuffed snimals.

Which reminded me of my Launcher Supervisor on my third boat. He'd left his watch on the launcher console and another Launcher found it. He set the alarm for one half hour into our section, then hid it in the cable runs in the overhead. Over the next week, i watched Danny get up at about 5 to the hour, stand as close as he could to his markings, and wait for the alarm. His only rang for twenty seconds, largely drowned out by the background noises, so he couldn't waste any time narrowing down the location.
After the week, he was feeling really confident he'd gotten close to the hiding spot. I started laughing.
"Dan? We're six hours on watch, then twelve hours off, right?"
"Yeah, standard 18 hour day."
Does your watch have an 18-hour alarm?"
"No. Whoever hid it just set it to go off about this time every day."
"But to do that, he has to take it down and reset the alarm every day."
"Oh. Yeah."
"So, he's probably moving it every day." That's what i would do. Dan didn't think The Jokester would be that mean.

Two days later, i sat someone else's watch so he could give training. Watched Fazekas get up, take down the watch, change the alarm, then look arpund the overhead. "I've been moving it steadily towards the ventilation duct," he explained.
"You know, if it was my prank, I'd set the next alarm to, like, twenty minutes after the hour. "
"Why?"
"Well, he's conditioned, now. It'll be way funnier."

Sure enough, that afternoon, Dan was up and ready, waiting....and nothing happened. He waited ten minutes after the hour before deciding, "Joker must have forgot, today." Got a coffee, sat down, opened the log to see what maintenance was scheduled... And the alarm went off.
"GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL AND HALFWAY BACK!" He tried to scramble out of his chair, nearly spilled his coffee, knocked the log on the floor, and just as he got in position, it silenced. Such profanity was made. All the profanity. I nearly laughed myself unconscious, gesturing the spasms, the panic....

At training, he told the entire division that some goddamned asshole couldn't tell time and was off by twenty minutes.
Fazekas instantly said, "Well, that was Keith's idea."
"You....you....you KNEW??"
Just made it even funnier-ier, really.
"Where's my watch!?!"
"I can't tell you NOW, you'll shove it up my ass."


Well worth the beating, really.
 
So, Stewie retired from work this week.
In his bio, it mentioned thst he worked the optics shop about the timd i was on the tender, working in the optics shop. So, i sent him an email, wondering if he'd heard of a little problem i had in 1985.

We aligned our missile with a system that bounced an image off of a mirror in the missile, and measured the displacement between the image that went out and the image that came back. The image consisted of a big long skinny rectangle. About halfway up each long side was a little triangle. On one boat, the optical equipment was bad. We cleaned it, tried to align it, ended up replacing it.
Wrote the failure report. First indication of trouble/failure was that neither technician was able to distinguish the tits on the return image.
All stop.
You can't write that in a failure report. Call them by the official name. No one knew the official name, we'd been calling them tits my entire career.

Took me three days to find one reference in one book. They're the Triangular Pips. Edited my report, resubmitted it, thought nothing more about it.
Ten days later, got a phone call from the vendor that made the optics equipment. The guy who had to respond to my TFR had to ask me what the bloody hell a triangular pip was.
"It's the tits on either side."
"Why didn't you just say so?!?!"

So, asked Stewie if he'd heard about it. Matter of fact, he was the guy that called me.
Did wonders for his rep. When he finished his response and submitted it, he never mentioned the phone call. He just acted like he always knew, and assumed everyone knew what the official name was. For years, everyone brought him in on optics issues, on the understanding he had a deep and sweeping knowledge of the system. We laughed for ten minutes.
 
My wife won and lost an argument today.

A running fight in our house:
Me: i have pains (eye, chest, gall bladder, chest, leg, leg, leg)
Wife: Go to the ER.
Me: i don't think it's that bad. Yet.
Wife: we'll put it to a vote. I vote for the ER.

....and then we go to the ER.

So, today, SHE had pains, chest and left arm. "But not that bad."
Me: Well, what would YOU say if _I_ had those pains?
Her: I'd say you fight dirty. You drive.
So, she's the one that overcame her reluctance. I was but the messenger...

Her EKG was normal, blood tests were fine, xray was clear. 5 hours to be told to go home, call her doctor on Monday.

But the fun was the drunk next room over. Didn't trust the doctor because he had a foreign accent, she wanted someone else to treat her.

I am no linguist, but we had the same doc, and from his accent, i'll bet you fucking anything he's from Mississippi plus or minus one state border.
God, i hate Americans sometimes.
 
You'l love this then. This is Australian NASA:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXDTOFfVqHc[/youtube]

I have never been more motivated to buy a flag in my fucking life.
 
Some things never change.
24 years ago, i could convince my kids i had superpowers. Find stuff they hid, make machines operate, pluck word meanings out of thin air, math in my head, usual grown-up, mystifying stuff.
All three boys have atleast once declared 'Daddy is magic!'

Today, we cleaned out, and cleaned, the fridge. Found pizza sauce 'best by 2018,' three bottles of sake, other surprises. Took the shelves out and washed the accumulated goonck.
Both still-at-home sons tried to put the shelf back. They saw the tabs on the back. They saw the slots for the tabs. The one who builds stage sets couldn't get it back in. The English major couldn't do any better. They looked at me like i had probably broken the fridge pulling them out.
I popped all the shelves in pretty much instantly.
Both stared, then both said, 'What the actual fuck!.!?'

Yep, never changes.
 
More on Superpowers

Where I went to architecture school, the architecture department was on the top two floors of a 9 story building. Admin, library, lecture halls and the engineers occupied floors 2 through 7. The first floor was all lobby, security, and a lounge with a robust vending machine area. The three elevators at the lobby level had those 'what floor is the elevator on' displays (consecutive light up numbers) above the entrance to each cab. Over the years of working in the studio late at night, and making trips down to the vending machines, I had noticed that the elevators had a control program which automatically distributed them throughout the building when they were not in use; one was always on the first floor with doors open, one was always sitting at fourth floor (door closed) and one at the top floor. One evening my girl friend stopped by to study in the quite of my studio. After an hour or so we went to the vending machines on the first floor. Then as we were walking back across the lobby toward the open doors of the one cab at the first floor, I noticed that there was another elevator on the move, coming down from 9. So, girl friend and I enter the cab, but instead of pushing any buttons, I clap my hands and say "Rise to the ninth floor!" And after just a moment, the elevator doors close the elevator begins to rise. She is staring at me, while counting the floors, 2, 3, 4 on, her eyes getting wider with each floor. We get to nine, and I push the door open button saying "forgot to give it the instructions that the doors should open". The doors open and we exit.

Later I explain to her the elevator programming . . . to which she said "only an architect would notice that stuff"
 
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