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Things that make you laugh...

 
 
 
Our dog has been peeing inside. A lot! Even when we are right there! So the vet suggested we get a sample.

Cue the picture:

Gmbteach running around the front yard at 2:45 am with a plastic takeaway container waiting for Stripe to cock his leg and start peeing! Of course, it took three attempts as as soon as he felt the tug go under he took off!
 
gmbteach said:
Our dog has been peeing inside. A lot! Even when we are right there! So the vet suggested we get a sample.

Cue the picture:

Gmbteach running around the front yard at 2:45 am with a plastic takeaway container waiting for Stripe to cock his leg and start peeing! Of course, it took three attempts as as soon as he felt the tug go under he took off!
Click to expand...

We found out he has crystals in his urine so it’s more chasing him around the yard. Bilby’s turn next time.
 
My uncle did one stint in the Marine Corps, about a bazillion years ago. Still considers himself 'a Marine' because 'Once a Marine, always a Marine.'
Okay, fine, but what does that really mean?
I was Navy for 20 years, but i don't think of myself AS a sailor right now.
As a sailor, if tge ship caught fire, i ran towards the fire. Right now, if the building even goes so far as to have an acrid smell, i leave.

As a sailor, i saluted those appointed over me. Four months ago, i told my supervisor to shut his whore mouth.

The military steals several days worth of pay each year. The pay is based on a 30-day month, even though more months are 31 days long. Even getting overpaid in Feb, they still get six free days per year out of every Tom, Dick, and Hortense in uniform (five in leap years). Now i get paid by the hour.



I have worked on energized gear to support the ship's mission in conditions that would probably make an OSHA manual burst into flames. Nowadays, the only book that bursts into flame around me is the King James.
 
So, in self-checkout at the store. Security guard leans over the register. Says, "It's blue, so it must mean Chekov."
And i thought, 'What the fuq is wrong with you?'
But then i remembered that i was wearing my Star Trek shirt (WithOUT having to look down, i might add). My blue Star Trek t-shirt. Spock-blue.
And then i thought 'WHAT THE FUQ IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!'

But out loud, i just said, "No, sciences."
"Oh," he replies. "Now, who was sciences?"

Who was sciences? 'What the FLAMING fuq - no. Just get the fuq away from me.'
I had to give hint. "Pointy ears."
"Spock? No, that's not it," he replied.
Eventually convinced him it was.
His defense was that he grew up watching Trek on a black-and-white TV.
So did i.
"I was born in 1962!" he added.
So was I.
"What month?" he asked.
I was born in September, he was born in May.
"Ha ha! You're an old fart!" I taunted.
Then he complained that every Trek since then was full of political crap.

Wait, you thought TOS was apolitical?

And, we're back to GET FUQ AWAY!
 
So I got an email from my deputy principal inviting me to a meeting for new and beginning teachers. Ok, I thought, she must be inviting as I am the Beginning Teacher Mentor, so I emailed her back saying I would be happy to put her in the loop with what I have been doing. She emails back saying that that would be nice but I was invited as a new teacher on class who needed to be brought up to speed on how we do things in the classroom with regards to reading. Hmmmm. I am only on class two days a week teaching math and science for three more weeks. So they must have plans for me or how new does she think I am?
 
gmbteach said:
So I got an email from my deputy principal inviting me to a meeting for new and beginning teachers. Ok, I thought, she must be inviting as I am the Beginning Teacher Mentor, so I emailed her back saying I would be happy to put her in the loop with what I have been doing. She emails back saying that that would be nice but I was invited as a new teacher on class who needed to be brought up to speed on how we do things in the classroom with regards to reading. Hmmmm. I am only on class two days a week teaching math and science for three more weeks. So they must have plans for me or how new does she think I am?
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She thinks you're just beginning, hence your title, the beginning teacher mentor. She mentally hyphenated in the wrong place.
 
Wiploc said:
gmbteach said:
So I got an email from my deputy principal inviting me to a meeting for new and beginning teachers. Ok, I thought, she must be inviting as I am the Beginning Teacher Mentor, so I emailed her back saying I would be happy to put her in the loop with what I have been doing. She emails back saying that that would be nice but I was invited as a new teacher on class who needed to be brought up to speed on how we do things in the classroom with regards to reading. Hmmmm. I am only on class two days a week teaching math and science for three more weeks. So they must have plans for me or how new does she think I am?
Click to expand...


She thinks you're just beginning, hence your title, the beginning teacher mentor. She mentally hyphenated in the wrong place.
Click to expand...

I saw her this morning and let her know a few misapprehensions she had. We will sit down and do more about the program and what I think we should do. She was told to invite me as I was new on class but didn’t realise it was for such a short time, and then she said it probably didn’t matter If I went or not.

And yes, apparently the full timeness is only for 2 more weeks.
 
Playing Rollercoaster Tycoon on my tablet. A little nostalgia hit during the not-quite-lockdown.
I always knew you could rename rides and tourists, so you could, when you were much younger, make Elvira, say, ride The Titty Flop rollercoaster.
Just discovered that you can change the name of yourr park. Which, of course changes the name of the Emblematics.

So, i gave my pathologically conservative uncle's name to a little sprite, and after a while his inventory shows he's carrying his FUCK TRUMP! map, his FUCK TRUMP! T-shirt, his FUCK TRUMP! plushie toy, his FUCK TRUMP!hat....

Petty, but i never apologize for being easily amused.
 
I came across a site collecting people's "i was naked" dreams. Naked at school, naked at work, naked at their Oscar night acceptance speech...

I nevrrr had that dream. I've done it. The Chief convinced me thst nothing was more important than showing up for battlestations missile. They call it away, i go to Missile Control Center NO MATTER WHAT. After a countdown where i showed up with shower shoes on my feet, some shampoo in my hair, he allowed as to how maybe there were some situations worth going to my rack, first, for pants.
But no such dreams.

Until last night.

I showed up for work, naked. COVID was not a concern, so everyone was there. Only i was naked. No one commented on my lack of dress. Except our administrative assistant. She just said she liked the dinosaur costume better.
 
Keith&Co. said:
I showed up for work, naked. COVID was not a concern, so everyone was there. Only i was naked. No one commented on my lack of dress. Except our administrative assistant. She just said she liked the dinosaur costume better.
Click to expand...

And how did that make you feel? :D
 
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