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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
Holy crap!
I have sometimes heard stories told about events i witnessed. The older i get, somehow the more stories i hear told about something i did or participated in ("So, one of the interns comes into the Program office, all confused about 'There was this guy in a dinosaur suit running around distributing candy...' and we said, 'Yeah. He does that.' ") Today my son completes the 'I Am A Sea Story' achievement.

In about 2005, he went to High School with a bottle of hot sauce i brought back from Florida. It had crossed bones on the label. The stopper was shaped as a human skull. The instructions were very clear. You dipped a toothpick in the bottle, ONCE, stabbed your food, and then ate it.
An upper classman watchd this, thought it was a stupid, wimpie way to use hot sauce, grabbed the bottle and doused his food.
They ended up taking him to the nurse's office. Within a day, it was a rule that no outside condiments were allowed on campus.

So, today, my supervisor's kid goes to the same school. The 'condiments contraband' rule came up. He asked why. Was told, "There was this kid, his mom was a teacher, brought in this hot sauce from Guatemala. Dared some people to put it on their food, and three kids went to the HOSPITAL!"
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That's been the plot of many a TV shows and movies. Reminds me of a particular favorite of mine:

 
Was just reminded of a bosun's mate we knew in Scotland. Don't know why.
His attention to detail, maybe.

The missile techs had to learn to drive the cranes used to put missiles on and off the submarines alongside the tender. They gained a seaman boatswain's mate. Call him Monte to protect the innocent.
Monte qualified all the stations for a missile move. He was good at most of them. So when we were scheduled to move a missile onto a boat that was going through a weapons inspection, the MT leading petty officer assigned him to being topside on the submarine to receive the missile.

They got started. The area was roped off for security, the adapter loaded and bolted to the tube, tools inventoried, procedures checked. Monte had a lot to do, so they usually just taped the button down on his headset and he broadcast continuously.
They were just about ready to lift the missile out of the magazine when one of the inspectors came into the area, the Full Bird Captain in charge of the inspection team.
Monte: Excuse me, sir, we're about to bring the missile over.
Captain: That's fine, that's what i'm here fore.
M: Yes, sir, but safety rules require everyone in the area have on safety shoes and a hard hat.
C: I'll be fine.
M: I'm sure you will, sir, because we're not moving the missile until you leave or are properly dressed.
C: I'm not actually part of the missile move, just observing.
M: If you're observing from inside the area, you have to have hard hat and safety shoes.

I was on the phones for the emergency firefighting team. Monte started off polite and respectful. As the Captain kept refusing to obey the rules put down by the Admiral, he got louder, terse, and his Puerto Rican accent came on strong. I also heard the MT LPO giggling at his station, as his phones were also taped open.
M: Sir, we're not bringing the missile down with you here, like that.
C: Well, I'm not leaving until the missile comes down.
M: Then we gonna be here a while.
C: Look Petty Officer, you do your job, I'll do mine.
M: BOSUN SEAMAN, JACKASS! And I AM doing my job!

About this time, the skipper of the submarine, a Commander, runs up outside the area, having been alerted by the boat's phone talker that there was a little problem.
Skipper: It's okay! I authorize him to be in the area!
M: (turns to Skipper) WRONG, Dickhead! This motherfucker has to have hard hat and safety shoes and that's the ADMIRAL'S rule!

Also, about the time he shouted 'jackass,' the LPO yanked off his phones and started running. I heard 'Leavingthearea!' then he made VERY good time down five decks and the brow.
LPO: I relieve you.
M: These idiots-
LPO: It's okay. Man the magazine (as far from the inspection as he could possibly be moved).
M: But this guy-
LPO: I'll take care of it. (Phones shift)
C: Well, I'm glad you sent him away.
L: Yes, sir, it was very wrong of him to disrespect you like that.
C: So, we can get on with the move, now?
L: Yes, sir, as soon as you leave or get safety shoes and a hard hat.
C: I thought we established-
L: He was disrespectful. He wasn't wrong.
Ten minutes later, the Captain stormed out. A first class petty officer on the team came up to observe topside.

Monte also maintained he did nothing wrong. We had to point out, "Dude, it's really, really wrong to call a Captain a dickhead."
That's when he lost it, screaming at us, "I CALLED THE COMMANDER A DICKHEAD AND THE CAPTAIN A MOTHERFUCKER! GET IT FUCKING RIGHT!"

For a wonder, nothing ever came of this. I expect the Captain complained, but maybe someone asked if his dignity was worth explaining his actions at Monte's captain's mast.
Or else either the Commodore or our Weps told him to pack sand. But respectfully, I'm sure.
 
Keith&Co. said:
Was just reminded of a bosun's mate we knew in Scotland. Don't know why.
His attention to detail, maybe.

The missile techs had to learn to drive the cranes used to put missiles on and off the submarines alongside the tender. They gained a seaman boatswain's mate. Call him Monte to protect the innocent.
Monte qualified all the stations for a missile move. He was good at most of them. So when we were scheduled to move a missile onto a boat that was going through a weapons inspection, the MT leading petty officer assigned him to being topside on the submarine to receive the missile.

They got started. The area was roped off for security, the adapter loaded and bolted to the tube, tools inventoried, procedures checked. Monte had a lot to do, so they usually just taped the button down on his headset and he broadcast continuously.
They were just about ready to lift the missile out of the magazine when one of the inspectors came into the area, the Full Bird Captain in charge of the inspection team.
Monte: Excuse me, sir, we're about to bring the missile over.
Captain: That's fine, that's what i'm here fore.
M: Yes, sir, but safety rules require everyone in the area have on safety shoes and a hard hat.
C: I'll be fine.
M: I'm sure you will, sir, because we're not moving the missile until you leave or are properly dressed.
C: I'm not actually part of the missile move, just observing.
M: If you're observing from inside the area, you have to have hard hat and safety shoes.

I was on the phones for the emergency firefighting team. Monte started off polite and respectful. As the Captain kept refusing to obey the rules put down by the Admiral, he got louder, terse, and his Puerto Rican accent came on strong. I also heard the MT LPO giggling at his station, as his phones were also taped open.
M: Sir, we're not bringing the missile down with you here, like that.
C: Well, I'm not leaving until the missile comes down.
M: Then we gonna be here a while.
C: Look Petty Officer, you do your job, I'll do mine.
M: BOSUN SEAMAN, JACKASS! And I AM doing my job!

About this time, the skipper of the submarine, a Commander, runs up outside the area, having been alerted by the boat's phone talker that there was a little problem.
Skipper: It's okay! I authorize him to be in the area!
M: (turns to Skipper) WRONG, Dickhead! This motherfucker has to have hard hat and safety shoes and that's the ADMIRAL'S rule!

Also, about the time he shouted 'jackass,' the LPO yanked off his phones and started running. I heard 'Leavingthearea!' then he made VERY good time down five decks and the brow.
LPO: I relieve you.
M: These idiots-
LPO: It's okay. Man the magazine (as far from the inspection as he could possibly be moved).
M: But this guy-
LPO: I'll take care of it. (Phones shift)
C: Well, I'm glad you sent him away.
L: Yes, sir, it was very wrong of him to disrespect you like that.
C: So, we can get on with the move, now?
L: Yes, sir, as soon as you leave or get safety shoes and a hard hat.
C: I thought we established-
L: He was disrespectful. He wasn't wrong.
Ten minutes later, the Captain stormed out. A first class petty officer on the team came up to observe topside.

Monte also maintained he did nothing wrong. We had to point out, "Dude, it's really, really wrong to call a Captain a dickhead."
That's when he lost it, screaming at us, "I CALLED THE COMMANDER A DICKHEAD AND THE CAPTAIN A MOTHERFUCKER! GET IT FUCKING RIGHT!"

For a wonder, nothing ever came of this. I expect the Captain complained, but maybe someone asked if his dignity was worth explaining his actions at Monte's captain's mast.
Or else either the Commodore or our Weps told him to pack sand. But respectfully, I'm sure.
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I’m stunned that any inspecting officer would do this unless he was testing their resolve. But he should have smiled at the first sign of resistance and said well done. Then stepped out and gotten his hard hat and shoes on. He had to know the rules unless he was some airedale who’d never seen a missile move. I mean you don’t just violate basic safety rules. Death is not a respecter of rank. I was involved in many missile moves as a JO but always did what the guys responsible for safety said as well as the NWSG.
 
SLD said:
I’m stunned that any inspecting officer would do this unless he was testing their resolve.
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I doubt that. Generally, the weapons inspection teams never set us up for failure. They did pounce on errors, which they could detect from fifty feet with one eye tied behind their back. But you had to do it to yourself.

More sporting that way.
 
SLD said:
I’m stunned that any inspecting officer would do this unless he was testing their resolve. But he should have smiled at the first sign of resistance and said well done. Then stepped out and gotten his hard hat and shoes on. He had to know the rules unless he was some airedale who’d never seen a missile move. I mean you don’t just violate basic safety rules. Death is not a respecter of rank. I was involved in many missile moves as a JO but always did what the guys responsible for safety said as well as the NWSG.
Click to expand...

What difference would a hard hat make? That sort of weight, you're hit, you're dead.
 
Loren Pechtel said:

What difference would a hard hat make? That sort of weight, you're hit, you're dead.
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If the whole missile falls, yes. The crushed yellow or blue or red plastic makes it easier to identify the bodies.
If, however, a nut comes loose on the hoist at the top of the load tube, or a guide rope parts, or someone turns around carrying that three-foot long wrench just as you kneel down to keep the alignment pin from tipping into the tube, you miiiiiiiiiight appreciate a layer between you and the offending article. Maybe.
 
Loren Pechtel said:
What difference would a hard hat make? That sort of weight, you're hit, you're dead.
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See, this is why risk assessment isn't left to amateurs. You are committing the very common error of assuming that the worst case accident is the only accident you need to consider.

This error can come from simple attention blindness - thinking about one possible failure to the exclusion of all others; Or it can arise from an incorrect assumption that the worst case necessarily incorporates all lesser failure modes.

There are plenty of minor incidents that could occur which would become major incidents if those involved were inadequately dressed. As Keith points out above.
 
bilby said:
Loren Pechtel said:
.
Click to expand...

There are plenty of minor incidents that could occur which would become major incidents if those involved were inadequately dressed.
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And it's a given that sailors will, at the slightest opportunity, find THE 1 in a million chance to get themselves hurt.
A guy wanted to measure the resistance of a human body, held multimeter probes to his thumbs....pierced the skin, the electricity traveled across his heart...didn't kill him right then, but sent his heart into arrhythmia...and no one found him until way too late.
Only a fucking sailor could kill himself with a 9volt battery AND make everyone else listen to his story once a year at safety training.
 
We get letters from the fleet.
Well, it's Trouble And Failure Reports, TFRs, that identify errors noted, faults received, problems encountered, what they did in response, and what ultimately fixed it. And commentary.

One boat was doing a procedure on the Control And Monitoring Panel. They got an error code. Troubleshooting commenced. The Fault Isolation Procedure seemed unhelpful. They eventually cycled power to CAMP, fault did not re-occur. They wrote the TFR suggesting that the FIP be updated to accomodate this fault, or perhaps cycling poiwer at the very beginning might help.

The error code is the one you get if you leave your finger on the touch-screen too long. I think the engineers were quite gleeful in sending that response to the boat....
 
Why is there an error code for leaving your finger on the touchscreen top long?

Can't you route some power from the reactor to zap the offender and get his attention?
 
jonatha said:
Why is there an error code for leaving your finger on the touchscreen top long?
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I imagine a team validating a procedure in the lab probably paused in the act, mid-step, while someone noted a grammar error, the guy at the console stood there while the editors argued verb tense or comma placement, decided the correct issue, wrote the redline entry, logged that another defect was found, then went back to the start of the interrupted step. Meanwhile, the processor had been trying to select Nitrogen for pressurization, or set the water temperature, for ten minutes straight.
The CPU essentially shouted "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!?" and went and had a little lay down.
So now there's an interrupt saying, "Stop doing that. The software can't handle it."
jonatha said:
Can't you route some power from the reactor to zap the offender and get his attention?
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You would not believe the number of times i've suggested one of those dog shock-collars be activated by the console and worn by the on-watch technician. But no, the incredibly stupid apparently have rights ... or something.
 
Keith&Co. said:
You would not believe the number of times i've suggested one of those dog shock-collars be activated by the console and worn by the on-watch technician. But no, the incredibly stupid apparently have rights ... or something.
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That reminded me of an incident when I was in retail when an anti-social IT guy (stereotypical tautology, I know) was ripping into the store manager for his stupidity. Store manager had a gutfull and fired back at the IT guy, "Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking dog. Talk to me like a human being".

To which the tech replied, "Show me the certificate that proves you're a human being. Until then, fuck off cunt so I can clean up after your fucking mess."

Maybe you could try that as an argument. Stupid people are called stupid people and not stupid humans. Therefore if they want human rights, they need paperwork authorizing that.
 
It's The Onion, which in this thread feels like cheating, but their list of benefits of making daylight savings time permanent is so great. The bolded one really cracked me up.

The U.S. Senate approved a bill Tuesday that would make daylight-saving time permanent starting in 2023. The Onion looks at the benefits of this legislation.

  • Extra hour of sunlight you still won’t utilize
  • Reduces waste by eliminating need to throw out clock twice a year
  • Will curry favor with the sun god Ra
  • One step closer to canceling winter altogether
  • Won’t throw back out resetting sundial anymore
  • Sure to irritate farmer or two
  • Dog will finally know what time it is
  • Darker winter mornings will make it easier to sleep while driving to work
  • Easier than trying to deal with that whole voting rights thing
Click to expand...
 
Angry Floof said:
It's The Onion, which in this thread feels like cheating, but their list of benefits of making daylight savings time permanent is so great. The bolded one really cracked me up.

The U.S. Senate approved a bill Tuesday that would make daylight-saving time permanent starting in 2023. The Onion looks at the benefits of this legislation.

  • Extra hour of sunlight you still won’t utilize
  • Reduces waste by eliminating need to throw out clock twice a year
  • Will curry favor with the sun god Ra
  • One step closer to canceling winter altogether
  • Won’t throw back out resetting sundial anymore
  • Sure to irritate farmer or two
  • Dog will finally know what time it is
  • Darker winter mornings will make it easier to sleep while driving to work
  • Easier than trying to deal with that whole voting rights thing
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
It's gonna put those people that move Stonehenge twice yearly out of work if this is adopted in Britain.
 
I'm building an 'Ocean Museum' playset, not by Lego but a company that makes parts compatible with Leho.
One room in ypthe groubd floor of this Aquarium is the fish food prep area.
On thge walk of this little room is a small bottle with a nozzle. I assumed it was a fire extinguisher. I like that detail.
The Navy is big on damage control, subs a REALLY big on DC. For most of 20 years i always knew where the closest extinguisher was and if it was CO2, powder, or water.
But the symbol on this device is a shark, with the red circle-line thru it... It's emergency shark repellant.



20220319_153905.png


This just made my whole day. Just the idea of having to be ready to repel sharks in the room off the lobby... Are they worried about exhibits escaping? Or sharks from off the street coming in? Or proxy votes in the boardroom.
If i saw tgst on the wall my first day at a job, i would want yo know the full history of how we got to this being required. Does OSHA demand this, or is this our little secret OSHA need not know about?
 
Found elsewhere:

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he's curious. So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he'll try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says,
"Isn’t it terrible the way Biden stole the election?"
 
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back."
 
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