Ah, The Hell With It
A play in one scene°, by WilliamB
Characters—
GOD, ineffably* [et al]
WilliamB, a guy
DBT, a guest
fromderinside, a guest
Act One. Scene one°. Arizona desert. An apartment. A room. A desk, with an end-table on either side. A bed. Piles of books. WilliamB sits at desk, a bowl of cheesy poofs on end-table beside him, a cigarette burning in an ashtray on end-table to his left. God appears* to WilliamB.
GOD: WilliamB, I have a proposal for you.
WilliamB: (shakily) Okay, Lord.
GOD: How about I give you another son? Only this one'll be a real bastard. He'll be so bad, you'll have to tie him up, blindfold him, and stick him in the closet until he's eighteen.
WilliamB: (worriedly) Lord, that doesn't sound so good. Will I get a chance to work on him with love, like I did my other boys?
GOD: No.
WilliamB: (tremblingly): Um, Lord, am I allowed to decline this propo...
GOD: (loudly and authoritatively [and sounding remarkably like GOD Who did a cameo in Monty Python's 'Holy Grail'; also ineffably, see*]) Of course not!
(There is a knock at the front door of the apartment. WilliamB rises, walks down the corridor, through the living room, and opens the door. DBT and fromderinside, dressed as angels, are standing on the step. DBT is holding a can of Foster's®; fromderinside looks bored.)
DBT: (holds out the can of beer cheerfully) Here ya go, mate. Yer gonna need it! (flies off, wings beating rapidly)
GOD:(literary-allusionly) Admit them! Admit them!
fromderinside: (wryly) There's no 'them'. Gabriel buggered off.
GOD: Is that you, Michael?
fromderinside: (aside) Mr. Know-it-all...
(curtain)