Words you do NOT want in your obituary

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... the sacrifice failed to lift the curse ..."

 

[iolo]

The police contend that he was clearly resisting arrest, and carrying a high-calibre umbrella...

 

[Thomas II]

.....Luigi, his barber, was inconsolable, having performed thousands of excellent shaves during a dedicated lifetime, until that fateful day when the Parkinson's reared it's ugly face...

 

[ZiprHead]

"Found with the naked twelve year old boy next to him."

 

[athee]

" .. impacted gerbil ..."
".. out of a tree..."
"..brain eating amoeba.."
" .. flesh eating bacteria "
" .. no surviving family, so his estate goes to the state"
" .. off a ladder .."
" ..while recovering from a chainsaw accident .."
" .. after his parachute failed to open .."
" .. impaled for three days .."
" .. from asphyxia from hanging ... girly mags nearby..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... drafted by the Cleveland Browns ..."

 

[Learner]

... 34 year old cult leader and author of "How to live for ever " ...

 

[Keith&Co.]

"necrotic"
"gall"
"bladder"

words tha didn't t vother me until I got that exact diagnosis....
holy motherfucking CRAP the pain
of nasty gall bladder full of stones"

ow,ow ow,ow

 

[snoiduspoitus]

He always said he hoped his last words weren't 'Fuck, this is gonna hurt.'

He was wrong again.

 

[Wiploc]

"... caught in bed with a live boy and a dead girl ..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... disproved the commonly held belief that God cannot hit a 1-iron .."

 

[snoiduspoitus]

"And that crazy x-ray with the razor blades and the toothbrushes and the other stuff in the gut, but hey, that was uncle Dave."

 

[spikepipsqueak]

"... description currently trending on Face book."

 

[Hickdive]

...inspired by his hero, Evel Knievel...

 

[C_Mucius_Scaevola]

"... still no explanation for the fire ants' seemingly irresistible attraction to his scrotum..."

 

[hurtinbuckaroo]

"... came & went at the same time ..."

Wait, I WANT that.

 

[snoiduspoitus]

"The wild boar attack and the loss of the testicles was only the start of a bad day."

 

[Learner]

... amateur escapologist built own guillotine .. will 'always' be missed and remembered say shocked audience.

 

[Cycad]

while studying a sheep in wales

 

[abaddon]

“After suffering locked-in syndrome for 30 years…”