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A grandma gets into a cab with her little grandson. The kid sees some busty women in hot pants standing on the corner. He says, "Grandma, who are those ladies?"
Grandma says, "Well, little Stevie, those are ladies waiting for their husbands."
The cabbie looks back and says, "Come off it, lady. That's a bunch o' whores!"
Little Stevie says, "Do whores have little children, Grandma?"
Grandma says, "Certainly. Where do you think cab drivers come from?"
 
This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I can't stop singing certain songs. All morning I've been humming 'The Green, Green Grass Of Home.' Yesterday it was, 'Delilah.' Last week I sang 'What's New Pussycat?' at least 100 times! What's wrong with me?"

The Doctor says, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."

The man says, "Never heard of that. Is it common?"

Doc says, "It's not unusual."
 
Elixir said:
This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I can't stop singing certain songs. All morning I've been humming 'The Green, Green Grass Of Home.' Yesterday it was, 'Delilah.' Last week I sang 'What's New Pussycat?' at least 100 times! What's wrong with me?"

The Doctor says, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."

The man says, "Never heard of that. Is it common?"

Doc says, "It's not unusual."
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Snow White comes back from a reunion with the dwarves. She's pissed as hell. The prince says, "What's up with you, bae?"
Snow White says, "I was harassed, that's what."
The prince says, "By all seven of 'em?"
She says, "No, it was that little fucker Grumpy."
The prince says, "What did he do to you?"
Snow White says, "He told me that my rosy cheeks were gorgeous, and that my hair was like golden corn silk and smelled like heaven."
The prince says, "Okay, but if you look at it one way, those are actually compliments."
Snow White says, "He's a dwarf, remember?"
 
A man is in the confessional. He says, "Father, I stole a car, and I feel so bad about it, I need to repent."
The priest says, "Well, what are you going to do, to make it right?"
The man says, "I feel as though I should give the car to the church. I want you to have it, Father."
The priest says, "Absolutely not. Never. Hear me out: I want nothing to do with that car. What you must do, immediately, is to find the rightful owner and give it back."
The man says, "Father, I tried that very thing. And he wouldn't take it. He told me he didn't want it."
The priest pauses and says, "He said...he doesn't...Well, then, it is God's will that you keep the car, but use it to learn a lesson of penance. You must say the full rosary ten times, and never steal again."
The man leaves. Three hours later his phone rings. It's the priest saying, "You son of a bitch, you stole my car!"
 
A Kiwi went to the Aust. Foreign Affairs and Trade to apply for citizenship.
During the filling of the questionaire it asked if he had a criminal record.
He asked the attendant if having a criminal record was still necesary for citizenship.
 
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