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Third grade math: the teacher says, "Johnny, if Maria gives you $1, and Dolores gives you $3, and Courtney gives you $2, what do you have?"
Johnny does a fist pump and says, "MA BITCHES!!"
 
Five older ladies are sitting in the city park. Of course they start to share their health woes.
Muriel says, "My hands are so weak, I can barely hold up this water bottle."
Doris says, "My eyes are so bad, I can scarcely see that bottle."
Aggie says, "Look at me. I got so much arthritis in my neck, I can't turn my head."
Mabel says, "I'm dizzy all day long, on account of my prescriptions. I guess we're all paying the price for getting old."
Bernice says, "Look at the bright side, girls. We're all still driving."
 
ideologyhunter said:
Five older ladies are sitting in the city park. Of course they start to share their health woes.
Muriel says, "My hands are so weak, I can barely hold up this water bottle."
Doris says, "My eyes are so bad, I can scarcely see that bottle."
Aggie says, "Look at me. I got so much arthritis in my neck, I can't turn my head."
Mabel says, "I'm dizzy all day long, on account of my prescriptions. I guess we're all paying the price for getting old."
Bernice says, "Look at the bright side, girls. We're all still driving."
Click to expand...
Later on, after the park visit, Muriel, Doris, Aggie, Mabel and Bernice (all elderly Jewish women) head into a local restaurant for lunch. The waiter takes their orders and delivers it to their table. He returns 15 minutes later, and asks, "Hello ladies...is anything OK here?"

Yes, I know its a negative stereotype. Feel free to give me a thumbs down.
 
^^^^^I saw that one done as a Karen joke.

A bus with 29 Karens on board is crossing a gorge when a bridge collapse sends the bus hurtling 300 feet to the rocky bottom. It was quite a tragedy, as the bus seats 30.
 
A group of delegates stroll to the entrance of the United Nations dining hall. The group's spokesman says to the maitre d', "We'd like a table for six."
The maitre d' says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can seat you. This is the UN, and I can only seat inclusive groups."
The man says, "Are you out of your mind? Look, sir, I don't know where you went to school, but let me introduce the group. I am Chinese. My friend here is Japanese. The woman on his right is from South Korea. This gentleman on my left is Vietnamese. The woman to his left is Laotian. And our friend on the end is Indonesian. Have I been clear enough?"
The maitre d' says, "I understand what you're telling me. But you can't come in here without a Thai."

Go ahead. Scream at me, I can take it.
 
Bronzeage said:
spikepipsqueak said:
But with less teeth.

And an odd number of legs.
Click to expand...
If you have two legs, you have more legs than average.
Click to expand...
Are you sure? Some have more than two.

“Besides polymelia, extra limbs can sometimes be described by where they attach: thoracomelia, pygomelia, notomelia, and cephalomelia. A related cause is incomplete twinning or conjoined-twin remnants, where one twin partly regresses but leaves extra limb structures attached.”

I really like cephalomelia. I might even get the surgery and do the transition!
 
Elixir said:
Bronzeage said:
spikepipsqueak said:
But with less teeth.

And an odd number of legs.
Click to expand...
If you have two legs, you have more legs than average.
Click to expand...
Are you sure? Some have more than two.

“Besides polymelia, extra limbs can sometimes be described by where they attach: thoracomelia, pygomelia, notomelia, and cephalomelia. A related cause is incomplete twinning or conjoined-twin remnants, where one twin partly regresses but leaves extra limb structures attached.”

I really like cephalomelia. I might even get the surgery and do the transition!
Click to expand...
I'm confident it's not enough to pull the average over the two mark.
 
What do you call a horny cow? Beef jerky.

What did the elephant ask the naked man? "How do you breathe out of that thing?"
 
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?
The man.
 
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