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Joke gallery

A rabbi, a catholic priest and a Hindu walk into a bar. Barman looks up and exclaims : what is this, a joke?

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The route from Colon to Climax takes about 1/2 hour

in Michigan. You can even go through Fulton on the way.

 
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This is a good one (stop me if you've heard it!)



Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really
sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When
I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That
makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at wok soon.........You got nice house'
 
A man is passing a pub and sees a sign outside:
“Free beer all day tomorrow.”
So the next day he goes to the pub and asks the barman for his first free beer.
The barman says “Go outside and read the sign again."
 
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
 
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Sailor returns after a year at sea to find his wife is pregnant. Naturally enough he questions her about it. 'Oh don't worry, it's a grudge baby.' 'What do you mean 'a grudge baby'?' 'Well while you've been away somebody's had it in for you!'
 
In WW II a well known psychologist, now an Army officer, RAMC actually but with swagger stick and all, was to help in the selection of some Royal Marine Commandos for an exceptionally dangerous raid on German held Europe. He asked the RM officer to parade his whole company at five in the morning, naked, in the melting early March snow. He walked slowly down the front rank and suddenly slammed his fist into one man's belly.
'Does that hurt?' he said.
'No sir.'
'Why not?'
'I'm a Royal Marine Commando, sir'
The psychologist nodded and moved on.
Then he smashed his hob-nailed boot on the next man.s naked foot,
'Does that hurt?'
'No sir'
'Why not?'
'Royal Marine Commando sir.'
Then he saw a man with a huge erection sticking out from between his legs and slammed his swagger stick down with full force on the erect penis.
'Does that hurt?'
'No sir'
'Why not?'

'Belongs to the man behind me, sir.'

 
James Brown said:
There was a man from Japan
Whose verses never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He answered, "Because...
I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

His brother thought quite the reverse,
And said, "When I write a verse,
I think it is fine
To make the last line
Terse."

There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate green apples and died,
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.
Click to expand...

The Limerick, everyone knows,
Is the lowest of poetry's lows.
And this one should prove
that it ought to behoove one
to leave writing poems to the pros(e)
 
Anapest Form

When you read it aloud in the anapest form
It is easy to hear it is Limerick norm.
If you think it is wrong,
Just inhale on your bong,
And you don't give a song if it rhymes.
 
A woman was driving along the road when the car in front brakes suddenly and she ploughed into the back of it.
When the driver got out, the woman was that he was dwarf. He said: "I'm not happy."
The woman said: "well, which one are you?"
 
A businessman told his neighbor that his company was looking for an accountant.
"Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" Asked the neighbor.
"Yes," replied the businessman. " That's the accountant we're looking for. "
 
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