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An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. Next one orders an eighth of a beer.At that point the barman simply pours two beers and gives it to them.

They complain "how are we going to get drunk on that?"

Barman responded "cmon guys, you should know your limits."
 
There was a young man from Eau Claire
Who took his new bride on the stair.
The bannister broke
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in the air.
 
Archimedes said:
An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. Next one orders an eighth of a beer.At that point the barman simply pours two beers and gives it to them.

They complain "how are we going to get drunk on that?"

Barman responded "cmon guys, you should know your limits."
Click to expand...

If we're going to be mathematical I will repeat myself in quoting my favourite:

There was an engineer of Bengal
Who had a rectangular ball.
The square root of its weight
Times 2 pi minus eight,
Was three-fourths of five-eighths of fuck-all.
 
Archimedes said:
An infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. Next one orders an eighth of a beer.At that point the barman simply pours two beers and gives it to them.

They complain "how are we going to get drunk on that?"

Barman responded "cmon guys, you should know your limits."
Click to expand...

Not funny. It's a single limit. (nudge, nudge)
 
4321lynx said:
There was an engineer of Bengal
Who had a rectangular ball.
The square root of its weight
Times 2 pi minus eight,
Was three-fourths of five-eighths of fuck-all.
Click to expand...

Scansion is forced in line one. Perhaps substitute something like,
"A math whiz who lived in Bengal,
he had a rectangular ball. "
 
There was a man from Japan
Whose verses never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He answered, "Because...
I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

His brother thought quite the reverse,
And said, "When I write a verse,
I think it is fine
To make the last line
Terse."

There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate green apples and died,
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented,
And made cider inside her inside.
 
There was a young woman called Buck,
Who had the most atrocious luck.
One day in a punt,

She fell over the front,
And was bitten to death by a duck

 
To prove that a dog is truly Man's Best friend, lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
 
"Rabbi, our son is a holy terror. He's been thrown out of six schools already, and he's only in fifth grade!"

"Send him to Catholic school."

"What?! Are you sure?"

"Yes."

A week later:

"Good afternoon, Mom. How are you, Dad?"

"Fine, son. How was school?"

"Great. I'm going to do my homework now. Please help me get to school on time tomorrow. Oh, and can I have an apple for the teacher?"

"Son, I'm proud of you. Seems like that new school is really straightening you out."

"Yeah well, they mean business, Dad. They've got a Jew nailed to a cross in every room!"
 
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt", the golfer mumbles to himself..

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the Golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like To get an eagle on this one."

The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?"

Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?" "Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along side him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm Satan, and from this day forward you will have No sex life."

"Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."
 
A Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I'm sorry, I must have taken Leif off my census."
 
A German arrived at London's Heathrow Airport. The customs officer said to him: "name?"
Kurt Schellinger .".
"Occupation?"
"No. Just visiting."

Sent from my HP 10 Plus using Tapatalk
 
America has developed a weapon that destroyers people but leaves buildings standing.
It's called the stock market.

Sent from my HP 10 Plus using Tapatalk
 
A woman wants to fill up her pool with milk, so she calls a diary farm. The farm people say they can do that, but they ask her "Do you need this milk pasteurized?"

"No," she says, "The pool is only waist deep."
 
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