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Things that make you laugh...

Keith&Co. said:
James Brown said:
but has to be patient when he starts acting like a toddler from time to time.
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Sounds like me and my .... Holy crap! I have Alzheimer's!
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I just read about a new alzheimer's vaccine that has shown some great promise in mice. I hope for my wife's best friend's sake it works out. She's already lost one brother to the affliction, another is in care for it, and she's scared to death of getting it.
 
James Brown said:
I know a woman who is taking care of her has a husband who is sliding into Alzheimer's. She tells stories much like this one. She tries to keep him mentally engaged, but has to be patient when he starts acting like a toddler from time to time.
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FTFY

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Keith&Co. said:
James Brown said:
but has to be patient when he starts acting like a toddler from time to time.
Click to expand...
Sounds like me and my .... Holy crap! I have Alzheimer's!
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If you can spell it you probably don't have it...
 
jonatha said:
FTFY

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Keith&Co. said:
Sounds like me and my .... Holy crap! I have Alzheimer's!
Click to expand...

If you can spell it you probably don't have it...
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There was a celebrity comic on "Who Want to be a Millionaire" playing for the Alzheimer's foundation. Host warned him "don't get this one wrong!" after he was into 6 figure winnings. The comic reflected for a moment then said "It's okay, they'll forget about it in a day or two...".
 
My nephrologist has me wearing an automated blood pressure cuff for 24 hours. It beeps and inflates every half hour.
I also have a log to write down my activities during the day. Walking, cooking, lasagna, sleeping.

I told my wife if she got frisky tonight, i would let her choose the phrasingfor how i log it.

I was cordially invited cool my goddamned jets.
 
A baby shower being held at work. One activity that's scheduled is for people to bring in pictures of themselves as babies, and we all guess who is who.

I decline to participate in this, as I was on experimental baby formula early on, and resemble a cross between the Pillsbury dough boy and something orbiting Jupiter. Also, just about every picture of me to the age of five is in black and white. Kind of a give-away.

The organizer is running around, reminding people she doesn't have their baby picture. She asked for mine.

"Can't give you mine, Cheryl," I told her. "Lascaux Cavern was closed to the public in 1963."

She didn't understand. A coworker did, though, and stole the idea. HE told her no, because "that part of the Bayeux Tapestry was lost to a fire in 1789."
 
Amazon is not quite all knowing:

I got a box from them with a Grinch on it saying "Spoiler alert, it's socks again".

Nope, the socks were in the bag that arrived the same day.
 
In one of my crochet groups, someone posted a pic of the polymer clay chunky handles she made for her crochet hooks and they all look like dildos. :rotfl: The admin has to keep posting warnings to "keep the comments clean." We're trying. We're TRYING.
 
It is the thrice-yearly business trip to the Seattle area. Just went to use the ATM.
Guy in the line is trying to explain time zones to someone on the phone.
Biggest problem seems to be that this person is in Canada and neither of them know poopsies about Canada.

"Well, the zones are the same in Canada, just depends on where you are in Canada. (Pause) Are you north of New York or north of Detroit? (Pause) I don't know what Vancouver's north of."

I don't know THAT much about Canada, but i can POINT to Vancouver from here... but i won't because i suspect he'll insist this is a private conversation. At normal conversational volume. In the hotel lobby. In line for the ATM. I will spiral down into a discussion of 'private' and words having meanings, and also, I will be forced to point out that Detroit is in the New York time zone, too.

It will go downhill from there.
 
Keith&Co. said:
...
Guy in the line is trying to explain time zones to someone on the phone.
Biggest problem seems to be that this person is in Canada and neither of them know poopsies about Canada.
...
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I lived in Kansas at the time. I called a woman in Baltimore. (Do you know what people who live there are called? Baltimorons.)

We're talking, and she says abruptly, "Say, do you know anything about geography?"

"I just memorized the fifty states."

"Really?" She sounded startled. Was she judgemental? Did she think any sixth grader knows that, so why am I struggling to learn what sixth graders know?

Yes, really.

"Oh. Well, is Baltimore anywhere near Chicago?"
 
My dad was the purchasing agent for a hospital in Idaho. On of his regular salesmen had the whole state as his area. Unfortunately, his HQ was in Maryland.
So his dispatcher would say a customer in Moscow needed to see him right away, while he was in Pocatello. "Just spin on over there between your regular stops."
That's a day's travel each way, but in his notebook, Idaho was the same size as Maryland, so he judged it a three hour trip...
 
So, usually, i travel wearing a shirt that shows something reminiscent of a man in the Star Trek transporter effect (but not so close as to violate copyright), captioned: I'D RATHER BE TELEPORTING.

I get great responses, especially in the security lines.

Today, that was dirty. I wore it on the way out. So to go home, i wore a cardinal red shirt that says: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
I get great feedback when i wear it at the supermarket. Today, though, total silence.

Until this little old lady in the Detroit airport asks, 'Are you Spanish?'

'Um, no. Scottish, German, Danish, more German, but not Spanish.'

'Then why are you wearing a Spanish Inquisition shirt?'

'From the Monty Python skit. Actually. Less of "a skit" and more of a running gag for that episode.' At her total lack of visible recognition, i keep explaining. Television. British. Comedy. 70's. While the back of my brain wonders why she thinks A Spaniard would wear an Inquisition shirt...?
Anyway, none of this impacts her mind at all, and she lectures me on exactly who the Inquisitors were, and what they did to people.

'Yeah,' i nod. 'Torquemada. Ximenez. Authorized to move without let or hinderance throughout the land. Violence, terror, torture, bright red uniforms. Yeah. They covered that in the skit.'

She stared at me. At my shirt. At me.

'I guess it must have been a very funny skit,' she finally decides.

'It was,' i assured her. 'Not as catchy as Mel Brook' musical, but funny.'

'Oh, Mel Brooks,' she sniffed. 'He's a Jew, you know.' And gave me a s8gnificant Look.

'I do know that,' i said. 'And i THINK this is where i would normally say, "die in a fire," but i think you're on my flight, and i don'want to temp the universe.'

She looked rather offended by that. Darn.
 
My son is doing Sound for a local production of Christmas Carol.
He reports that during intermission, the guy playing Scrooge keeos running around backstage playing the Ghostbusters theme on his phone...
Not everyone in the cast gets the joke.
 
The Company Website has a little announcement on the home page today.
It seems a number of active employees were incorrectly tagged as 'terminated' in their display names.
Probably came as a shock to a few of them.

I just can't imagine what anyone was even TRYING to do that was one mis-step away from tagging several employees as terminated...
 
Few things would be more frustrating than excelling in school, 3rd in class at West Point, fly jets for USAF, 66 combat missions, doctorate in astronautics from MIT, help develop spacecraft, selected for astronaut program then Apollo 11, walk on moon, and a basketball player says it never happened.
 
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