Ffs, Jarhyn: At age 11 if I had been given the chance to just not have periods or grow breasts. I surely would have grabbed it. Even though I also wanted to have children. And then I grew up a little. A lot of 11 year olds are not that enthusiast about periods abd bras. Some of us could have used a little bit of reassurance and maybe a more positive relationship with our mothers. Puberty blockers? Not so much.
As far as I can tell from what Emily has stated about her family member, they only very recently announced that they wanted to be male and had shown no previous signs of ge fee dysmorphia.
Yes, and then in 60 days, it would be apparent that you were one of the people who will promptly decide they do want to be like the rest of your peers, because you wanted to have children. You grew up a little. And then you would have desisted, when your fears of "growing up" dissipated.
Two things about Emily's apparently trans-masculine relative: one, Emily's recent awareness of it is not a strong argument to the recency of the feelings.
Take me: of my family, I have sworn the only two who know I am a eunuch to secrecy against my sister and parents. The one time it came up in my young-adult life was when I heard about a eunuch on testosterone, I looked into it, and shut up about it when I realized that nobody would give me testosterone blockers at the time, and the only other way to be a eunuch was "someone go get the banding machine..." The fact is I wanted to have a chance to find out if that was what I wanted without necessarily permanent consequences if I didn't.
If my parents or sister heard me say it, and I hadn't had the courage to tell the two who know iny family, it would seem sudden to them too, I'm sure. Even though that won't be dropped on my sister until after my parents are dead.
These are the kinds of feelings that all too often simmer causing grief and pain because you don't think your family will understand. And for fuck sakes, IF I WAS RELATED TO EMILY I WOULDN'T LET HER CATCH A FUCKING FART OF IT. You think her family member doesn't know how much rhetoric Emily and probably her whole family spits about trans folks?
But then there's that second thing: once their body is shaped some way, they have to suck it up and live with it until they are at least 18, preferably 21+, and all that time listen to folks like me who say "men can have breasts, and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of men wish they could have breasts and it doesn't make them not-men."
If their response to that is "____ says..." Then you slap the shit out of ____. If their response is "but I'm not one of those men", then the counter-response goes back to "the save your money up for when you turn 18, or if you still want it and can't afford it by your 21st I'll pay for it."
Saving up 3-5000 dollars over the course of 3 years and actually holding onto it is a pretty serious way of saying "I actually really do want this". Especially as teen.
The fact is that all the arguments I give Emily as to why there is no true "man" or "woman", why there is no true "male" beyond "sperm" and why there is no "female" beyond egg,
are all the same arguments that must be leveled against trans people when they say they must do some thing to their body to be a "man", or to be a "woman".
Each of their concerns, be they the growth of breasts, or the influence of their hormones on their thought process, or any other thing, should be first examined alone, before understanding the interaction between those factors of what is intolerable to them specifically about what is going on with their bodies and minds. The cessation of hormones without the presentation of non-endogenous hormones is exactly what clarifies whether the thing they hate is real or imagined.
The answer "I just want to be a man" doesn't tell anyone what they want to be, why, or how. It doesn't paint the picture of that perfect self and without a clear destination, there is no clear path. "Man" is a vague direction. So is "woman".