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WAB said:
Have you heard what the wife said who divorced her husband because he was impotent?


"No hard feelings."

(I may have made this up, it came to me at work...)
Click to expand...

My wife asked why I was putting on my tux to go get a vasectomy.

"Hey, if I'm going to be impotent, I'm going to look impotent."
 
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Once upon a time, Jesus Christ was walking through town, talking about judgement and forgiveness with his 12 Disciples.

They found an angry crowd hurling huge stones at a woman who had been a sex worker.

Jesus jumped into action, placing His Holy Body between the angry townspeople and the woman.

"Stop!" called Christ; "Let the one who is without sin cast the next stone."

The crowd calmed down. But suddenly, a rock whizzed by Jesus' head! He looked out into the crowd, saw the culprit, and yelled,

"Aww, come on, MOM!"
 
A mousy, middle-aged man goes into a nasty looking whorehouse. The madam is a squat little woman holding a pint of whisky. She says, "Go up them stairs and knock on the door."
He goes up and knocks. From inside, the whore says, "Whattaya want?"
He clears his throat and says, "I believe I'd like to get fucked!"
The whore says, "Push fifty bucks under the door."
He takes fifty out of his wallet and slides it under the door. Then there's silence. He figures, okay, she wants to clean up the room and make herself pretty. So he waits, and fidgets. Finally five minutes have gone by. He knocks again. The whore says, "Whattaya want?"
He says, "I'd like to get fucked!"
The whore says, "What, again?"
 
A 3rd grade teacher asks her class what their dads do for a living. She gets the usual responses: mailman, delivery man, cop. She gets to a boy with a frown on his face and says, "And what does your father do?"
The boy says, "I don't know."
The teacher says, "You don't know what his job is? You must know."
The boy says, "He plays piano in a whorehouse!"
The teacher gives him a furious look, writes a note, hands it to the boy, and tells him to take it to the office. He goes to the office, hands the note to the secretary, and she reacts with an angry stare. She points to the principal's door, and he goes in and hands the note to the principal. The principal reads the note and says, "Your father plays piano in a whorehouse?!"
The boys says, "My dad plays defense for the Cleveland Browns. You think I'm saying that in front of the class?"


A minister walks down the street in a rundown section of town. He sees a young woman leaning against a storefront. She's wearing fishnet stockings, Spandex hot pants, and a red leather crop top. The minister strides up to her and says, "Young lady, what would your mother say if she saw you here tonight?"
The woman turns pale and says, "She'd kill me. This is her corner!"
 
A married couple is driving through Louisiana. They're arguing about everything. They see signs for Natchitoches and they start arguing over how the name is pronounced. Finally they're in the town and the husband says, "Goddammit! We're going to settle this!" He pulls into a restaurant. When the cashier is about to take their order, the husband says, "Listen, before you take our order, would you say the name of this place, nice and slow?"
The cashier leans over and says, "Burrrgerrrr Kingggg."
 
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