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A blonde getting so tired of all the blonde jokes, decided to dye her hair brown.
Going for a drive in the country with her new hair, she saw a shepherd with a large flock of sheep.

She said to the farmer "If I can guess the size of your flock will you give me one to take home?" The shepherd agreed.

She looked at the flock, counting on her fingers and said "382". The shepherd was shocked that she got it right. She picked up a sheep and started walking to her car.

The shepherd called out, "If I can guess your real hair colour can I have my dog back?"
 
James Brown said:
Once upon a time there was a biologist. He had a broad training, but his passion was cetaceans, especially the dolphin family. He liked dolphins. He loved dolphins. He hated the thought of dolphins being hurt or even dying.

So he worked diligently towards a cure for the death of dolphins. After many years, he had narrowed down a single ingredient left. It was a protein produced in a family of Indian birds. Luckily, there were a couple of specimens in the local zoo. Unfortunately, the keepers all thought he was an obsessive weirdo and refused to let him in.

So one night he broke in to the zoo after hours. He went to the security room and hacked the system to turn off the alarms. Alas, he was a better biologist than he was a hacker, so he accidentally turned off most of the gates as well. A few animals managed to wander out of their enclosures, including an elderly lion who was more confused than dangerous. He wandered around aimlessly for a while, then settled down across what turned out to be an exit, lay down, and fell asleep.

Meanwhile, the biologist had found the aviary, found the passerines, and found the birds he was looking for. After a brief struggle, he caught one and stuffed it into a bag.

He was overjoyed at how close he was to his goal, and his dream. He raced out of the aviary, and headed out of the zoo so he could extract the protein and complete his work. He was so excited, so wrapped up in daydreams of success, he didn’t even really register the lion as he stepped over it.

When he was immediately arrested for transporting a mynah across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
Click to expand...
Huh! I knew a boy scout joke when I was a kid that was likewise a groanworthy shaggy dog story. But in that one, whose details were different, the vet got booked on the charge of "crossing the State Lion for an ill eagle/porpoise"
 
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you don't turn your back on family.

Why do Canadians always do it doggy style?

So that both partners can watch the hockey game

What's the definition of Virginity in Alabama?

Anyone who can run faster than their kin.
 
A preacher says to his wife, "My sermon on Sunday will be about horseback riding."
She says, "You don't know anything about horseback riding."
He says, "I'm going to use it as a metaphor for faith -- holding on tight, finding balance in life, using it to journey through life. You'll understand when you hear it."
The wife says, "Remember, I won't be at church. I've got to be at the nursing home to be with Mother most of the day."
On Sunday morning, the preacher realizes his wife was right -- he doesn't know enough about horses to avoid sounding foolish. So he writes a new sermon on Love and Total Intimacy in Christian Marriage.
Late Sunday afternoon, his wife is in the grocery store when she runs into a friend from church. This lady grabs her arm and says, "Your husband gave the gutsiest sermon I've ever heard this morning. He took his subject and just wowed us all."
His wife says, "That's great, but to tell you the truth, he doesn't know beans about it. He's only tried it twice -- once before we were married, and once on our honeymoon. Both times he fell off."
 
Two women were talking about their love life over coffee.

"I don't know what to do," said Joan, "I'm too shy to ask for it, and he doesn't initiate enough!"

"Well," her friend Carol replied, "I have a sure fire way to start up my husband."

"Oh?" asked Joan, "Do tell!"

"Well," smirked Carol, "I just sit next to him and then I slowly put my hand down his pants and say: "My, aren't you cold in there, could use some heating up... works every time!"

"You know what, maybe I'll try that," Joan said with a chuckle.

They met for coffee again a few days later and Joan was in a terrible mood.

"You almost got me divorced!" she said to Carol.

"What? How?" Carol asked, astounded.

"I did what you said, and I stuck my hand down his pants, but it wasn't cold it was already hot!"

"So?" Carol asked, confused.

"Well then I asked my husband why the inside of his pants was hot and not cold like Carol's husband."
 
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
 
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