• Welcome to the new Internet Infidels Discussion Board, formerly Talk Freethought.

Joke gallery

Politically incorrect joke.........................

There was a black guy, a white guy, a mexican and a captain on a ship in the middle of the ocean. The captain says "Oh no we only have enough food to feed three people so one of you is going to have to jump to the sharks. I'm going to ask each of you a question and whoever answers wrong jumps." So he says to the white guy "Where did the Titanic sink?" The white guy responds "In the ocean" So he asks the black guy "How many people were on board?" The black guy responds "About 5000" So he says to the mexican "Name Them"
 
Two boys in Brisbane playing football in the park when one of the boys is attacked by a savage Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A Brisbane Courier Mail reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Lions Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. But I'm not a Lions fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we are in Brisbane just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts again.
"Bronco's Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack!” he jots in his notebook. "I'm not a Broncos fan either," the boy responds. The reporter starts again:
"Queensland Maroons Supporter Risks Life In Heroic Rescue" "I'm not a Maroons fan either," the boy responds. "I assumed everyone in Brisbane was either
for the Lions, Broncos or the Maroons. What team do you cheer for?" the reporter asks. "We are both from Sydney and I'm a Blue's fan," the boy says.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Redneck Cockroach Bastard Vandalises Fence And Kills Beloved Family Pet."
 
Pharaoh phones his local Michelin restaurant for Valentine's night:

"Hello, I'd like to make a reservation for two for the 14th please."

"Absolutely, Sir. Can I get your name please?"

"Yes, it's Hotepsekhemwy."

"Could you spell that for me, please?"

"Yes, it's Bird, Double Triangle, Three Wavy Lines, Dog Head, Two More Birds, Flames..."
 
I know.

I mean, I knew.

Or I'll know. Or I will have known, or ... <sigh> Look, just work it out for yourself. What's that ... you already did? Ok, fine.
 
bilby said:
Two boys in Brisbane playing football in the park when one of the boys is attacked by a savage Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A Brisbane Courier Mail reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Lions Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. But I'm not a Lions fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we are in Brisbane just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts again.
"Bronco's Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack!” he jots in his notebook. "I'm not a Broncos fan either," the boy responds. The reporter starts again:
"Queensland Maroons Supporter Risks Life In Heroic Rescue" "I'm not a Maroons fan either," the boy responds. "I assumed everyone in Brisbane was either
for the Lions, Broncos or the Maroons. What team do you cheer for?" the reporter asks. "We are both from Sydney and I'm a Blue's fan," the boy says.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Redneck Cockroach Bastard Vandalises Fence And Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Click to expand...

:lol: That in a nutshell is how some news reporters report the news.
 
The atheist’s son came home from school very excited to report on the various Hindu gods that he had been studying. His father told him, “That’s ridiculous. There is only one God and we don’t believe in him.”
 
A woman hears someone knocking at her door as she is at home so she opens the door to find a man standing there. He then proceeds to ask the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
In utter disgust she slams the door in his face.
The following morning once again she hears a knock at the door, standing there is the same man who again asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
Like she did the previous night she slams the door again.
Once her husband returned home later on that day she explained what happened the last two days. In his most loving voice the husband tells his wife, “Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so I can be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
Sure enough the following morning they hear a knock as both ran for the door.
The husband whispered to the wife, “Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he’s going with this.”
As she nodded to her husband she opens the door.
There stands the same guy again who asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
 
C_Mucius_Scaevola said:
A woman hears someone knocking at her door as she is at home so she opens the door to find a man standing there. He then proceeds to ask the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
In utter disgust she slams the door in his face.
The following morning once again she hears a knock at the door, standing there is the same man who again asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
Like she did the previous night she slams the door again.
Once her husband returned home later on that day she explained what happened the last two days. In his most loving voice the husband tells his wife, “Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so I can be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
Sure enough the following morning they hear a knock as both ran for the door.
The husband whispered to the wife, “Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he’s going with this.”
As she nodded to her husband she opens the door.
There stands the same guy again who asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
Click to expand...

:rotfl:
 
A boy in bath with his mum asks: "What's that hairy thing?

Mum says:"That's my sponge.

The boy says: "Oh yeah, babysitters got one too. I have seen her washing Dads face with it."
 
Two Irish friends leave the pub. Paddy says to Mick, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.'
'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus.' replies Mick
'We could steal a bus from the depot, it's just round the corner.' suggests Paddy.
They arrive at the bus depot and Paddy goes in to get a bus while Mick keeps a look-out.
After standing around for ages, Mick shouts, 'Paddy, what are you doing? Have you not got one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' yells Paddy.
'Oh Jaysus Christ, ye thick sod, take a No. 14 and we'll walk from the Roundabout.
 
I prefer "One takes everything literally and the other takes everything, literally." Either way it's a clever one and I enjoyed sharing it a couple of times offline yesterday.
 
The teacher asks little Johnny.
'why is your cat at school today?'
Little Johnny says, crying.
'Because i heard daddy say to my mommy,
'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave!' so I'm saving him!'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom