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Joke gallery

:rimshot:

Actually, the answer is: there is no difference, because ice cream has no bones. It's an old stoner joke.
 
The silly season is here again...........

1) Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.

3) Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

2) Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.
 
Three wise guys travelling, stopped at an inn for the night. But there was no room at the inn and they had to go to the stable to sleep. (Sound familiar?). The first two entered and they saw some animals and an old guy sleeping and a young woman breastfeeding a tiny baby. Then the third guy saw her, could not keep his eyes off her. tripped badly in the doorway, twisted his ankle, nearly fell in some cowshit, and "JEEEESUS CHRIST" he yelled, and the young woman looked up and said:

"Ooooh, that's a nice name. And I was going to call him Ikey."

 
An oldie but sort of appropriate for this time of the year.

Jesus walks into an inn in downtown Jerusalem, walks up to the counter throwing a handful of nails on the counter asks the clerk: " Can you hang me up for the night?"
 
Two drovers from the Outback answered an ad from Buckingham Palace for 2 footmen.
The Palace flew them to london and they were interviewed by the Queen.
"Show your ankles" she said. The socks require very smooth ankles. They showed her and she said good.
"Show your knees" she said. the pants ill show knobbly knees and we cannot have knobby knees. They showed her and she said good.
The Queen said "Just more more question. I need to see your testimonials".

Nine years later when they got out of jail one said to the other "If you known better English at that interview you would have shown her the right things"
 
Do you enjoy beating your wife more than beating your daughter? Yes or no!








Asked of a grand master of chess, of course.

 
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An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.
 
Reminds me of the joke that was popular in Fraser's time (former Australian PM).

Q: Why does the Australian parliament not have a nativity scene?
A: They could find cows and sheep but not 3 wise men.
 
Got my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas.
Not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.
 
A political incorrect New Year's Eve joke.

Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
 
Paddy has a broken leg and his mate Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin'?"

Paddy says, "I'm okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"
 
C_Mucius_Scaevola said:
Paddy has a broken leg and his mate Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin'?"

Paddy says, "I'm okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
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