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After a man is ushered in to see a doctor, the medico asks: ' What can I do for you today?' The man replies: " It's my penis doc. " " Okay, pull down your trousers and let's have a look" says the medico. The man says, " only if you promise me you won't laugh"

" Okay I promise I won't laugh, I'm a professional after all, nothing you show me about your penis could possibly make me laugh!"

So after the man drops his trousers to reveal the tiniest dick the doctor has ever seen bursts into uncontrollable laughter. After composing himself he apologises and says : " I'm sorry, this has never happened before, now what's the problem?"

The man replies, " it's swollen!"
 
angelo said:
After a man is ushered in to see a doctor, the medico asks: ' What can I do for you today?' The man replies: " It's my penis doc. " " Okay, pull down your trousers and let's have a look" says the medico. The man says, " only if you promise me you won't laugh"

" Okay I promise I won't laugh, I'm a professional after all, nothing you show me about your penis could possibly make me laugh!"

So after the man drops his trousers to reveal the tiniest dick the doctor has ever seen bursts into uncontrollable laughter. After composing himself he apologises and says : " I'm sorry, this has never happened before, now what's the problem?"

The man replies, " it's swollen!"
Click to expand...

It's a good joke, but I've heard it before with a female doctor. Does it work better that way, do you think?
 
James Brown said:
It's a good joke, but I've heard it before with a female doctor. Does it work better that way, do you think?
Click to expand...
A female doctor, and a bit more detail in her speech about how she's professional, she's trained to evaluate the medical condition, not the self-esteem or whatever elements of one's manhood, all that.

And I prefer that she actually does NOT burst out laughing at first. It's difficult, but she's trying so hard not to embarrass him... Has to bite her cheek, maybe, but no outburst. So our sympathy is with her, trying so hard.

THEN he says it's swollen...
 
If you're going to make a novel out of this story why not digress a bit and have him, a Jew, discover that years before she, a Muslim, said that she would......
Always knew I should have been a writer of fiction. Such inventiveness... a life wasted...
 
James Brown said:
angelo said:
After a man is ushered in to see a doctor, the medico asks: ' What can I do for you today?' The man replies: " It's my penis doc. " " Okay, pull down your trousers and let's have a look" says the medico. The man says, " only if you promise me you won't laugh"

" Okay I promise I won't laugh, I'm a professional after all, nothing you show me about your penis could possibly make me laugh!"

So after the man drops his trousers to reveal the tiniest dick the doctor has ever seen bursts into uncontrollable laughter. After composing himself he apologises and says : " I'm sorry, this has never happened before, now what's the problem?"

The man replies, " it's swollen!"
Click to expand...

It's a good joke, but I've heard it before with a female doctor. Does it work better that way, do you think?
Click to expand...

Come to think of it, it would be even funnier if the doctor was a woman. :smile:

- - - Updated - - -

Keith&Co. said:
James Brown said:
It's a good joke, but I've heard it before with a female doctor. Does it work better that way, do you think?
Click to expand...
A female doctor, and a bit more detail in her speech about how she's professional, she's trained to evaluate the medical condition, not the self-esteem or whatever elements of one's manhood, all that.

And I prefer that she actually does NOT burst out laughing at first. It's difficult, but she's trying so hard not to embarrass him... Has to bite her cheek, maybe, but no outburst. So our sympathy is with her, trying so hard.

THEN he says it's swollen...
Click to expand...

:hysterical:
 
A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.
 
Subject: Super Bowl LIII tickets

A friend of mine has two tickets for Super Bowl LIII on Feb 3rd, both VIP seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.

It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3pm. The bride's name is Julie, she's 5'8", about 115 lbs, black hair, very energetic, has two jobs, & is a very good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.
 
16265853_1914936828736281_3198295932960265662_n.jpg
 
A tough old sheep farmer from Scotland gave some advice to his granddaughter. He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of Gunpowder onto her porridge every morning.

The granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren and a forty foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
 
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the Embankment in London. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have occupied the House of Commons, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom, otherwise they’re going to douse all the MPs in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "About a gallon each".
 
A grade school teacher was teaching elementary science. "Humans are the only animals known to stutter."

Little Johnny raised his hand. "Yes Johnny?"

"We used to have a cat that stuttered."

"Really? Please share with the class."

"Well, one day we were out in the back yard. Our cat seemed to enjoy laying on the picnic table not far from the neighbor's fence where a big old rottweiler lived. So one day the rottweiler was barking and getting worked up while the cat just lay there swishing his tail. Suddenly the rottweiler managed to run and jump the fence!"

"Oh my," the teacher interjected, "That must have been scary!"

"Sure was! The cat jumped up and said, "Ffffffff Fffffffff Fffffff." But before he could say "Fuck" the rottweiler ate him.
 
That reminds me of this religious joke.

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
 
A farmer sent his sheepdog to round up the sheep.
The dog did the job and told the farmer that 40 sheep were in the fold.
"I only have 38 sheep" said the farmer.
"I know", replied the dog, "but I rounded them up"
 
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