bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
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Sorry, I don't understand the question. What else would we have? It's too hot for boots.
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Sorry, I don't understand the question. What else would we have? It's too hot for boots.
hurtinbuckaroo
Contributor
Or circumcisions. Or vasectomies. Or ...
hurtinbuckaroo
Contributor
That was Louis C. K., right?
Keith&Co.
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- I'm here...
Or a doctor on any submarine base...
- - - Updated - - -
Nuclear power, nuclear weapons...
....the electoral college....
DrZoidberg
Contributor
Another comedian. Jeff B. Davis
hurtinbuckaroo
Contributor
I meant the patient, not the person who told it.
angelo
Deleted
An oldie I'm sure most have heard before, but worth re-telling.
A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office one day and the doctor is bowled over by her stunningly good looks and all his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I'm here!"
A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office one day and the doctor is bowled over by her stunningly good looks and all his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that's why I'm here!"
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
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Went to a faith healer's show last night.
He was absolutely rubbish - even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
He was absolutely rubbish - even a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
George S
Veteran Member
"Why was Heisenberg's wife unsatisfied?"
"Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy and when he had the position he didn't have the momentum."
"Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy and when he had the position he didn't have the momentum."
James Brown
Veteran Member
Heisenberg was pulled over by a traffic cop.
"Sir, were you aware that you were travelling at 78 miles per hour?"
"Thanks a lot," said Heisenberg. "Now I'm lost."
"Sir, were you aware that you were travelling at 78 miles per hour?"
"Thanks a lot," said Heisenberg. "Now I'm lost."
angelo
Deleted
The old man and woman had been married for 30 years.
In those 30 years, the woman had always insisted on the the lights being off when they had sex as she was embarrassed.
The man was thankful for this really as he was embarrassed too and scared that he couldn’t please her, so in the dark he always used a big dildo on her.
After all these years of sex, she still had no idea that’s what he did.
One day, she decided that they’d been together so long that there was no reason to be embarrassed even though her body was now old. So in the middle of sex she reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, only to see that her husband was using a dildo.
She said angrily, “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!”
The man replied, “Ok, but first – explain the kids!”
In those 30 years, the woman had always insisted on the the lights being off when they had sex as she was embarrassed.
The man was thankful for this really as he was embarrassed too and scared that he couldn’t please her, so in the dark he always used a big dildo on her.
After all these years of sex, she still had no idea that’s what he did.
One day, she decided that they’d been together so long that there was no reason to be embarrassed even though her body was now old. So in the middle of sex she reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, only to see that her husband was using a dildo.
She said angrily, “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!”
The man replied, “Ok, but first – explain the kids!”
Atheos
Veteran Member
Pie in Jamaica is $2.65 a slice. Pie in Puerto Rico is $2.90 a slice. Pie in the Cayman Islands is $2.83 a slice. Pie in the Bahamas is $3.01 a slice.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
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Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
angelo
Deleted
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
DrZoidberg
Contributor
ha ha. Now I get it. I'm a bit slow sometimes. Points for you. Very funny
SLD
Contributor
angelo
Deleted
An oldie but a goodie.................
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
bilby
Fair dinkum thinkum
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The Dark Ages were so called because it was the Knight time.
Atheos
Veteran Member
A 20 year old joke...
Archaeologists have discovered ruins of an amazing network of wiring and technology dating back to the 10th century C.E. It appears that the first electrical powered digital computing device was created around the year 940 C.E., and that for several decades afterwards technology developed rapidly. Smaller, more powerful devices were developed with breathtaking speed until the latter part of the century.
Then the Y1K crisis ensued and so began the Dark Ages.
Archaeologists have discovered ruins of an amazing network of wiring and technology dating back to the 10th century C.E. It appears that the first electrical powered digital computing device was created around the year 940 C.E., and that for several decades afterwards technology developed rapidly. Smaller, more powerful devices were developed with breathtaking speed until the latter part of the century.
Then the Y1K crisis ensued and so began the Dark Ages.
