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In Australia we will very soon be given a Covid vaccine. There will be 2 of them, AstraZeneca & Pfizer.

After careful consideration I will take the Pfizer.

Q: Why will you take the Pfizer?

A: If Pfizer can make the dead or nearly dead come to life they should be able to look after the living.



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For 2000 years 30 pieces of silver has been the price of betrayal. Now in the USA it has been debased to 1 (one) Pence.
 
Went to the doctor today. He asked me what was wrong. I said, “Doc, I’m having this recurring dream: I’m a teepee, and then I’m a wigwam, then a teepee, and then a wigwam again, over and over.” The doctor said, “That’s an easy diagnosis: You’re two tents.”
 
Try doing a good deed...my friend's beagle died, so I went out and got her an identical dog.
She started shrieking at me: "What the fuck will I do with two dead beagles?"
 
Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a petri dish. The results speak for themselves.
 
Drunk: ‘This bar has got to be the asshole of the world.’
Bartender: ‘Right. So you're just passing through?’
 
Elixir said:
READ FOR COMPREHENSION! It's a dead baby FLOAT.
Click to expand...
Saw a post by a guy that said, "My son asked me for a case of 'whatever soda it is they use for a root beer float.' This is the answer i give when grandma asks why he doesn't have a college savings account."
 
I put up a high voltage fence around my house.

My neighbor is dead against it.
 
A Priest, a Rabbit and a Vicar walk into a bar.

"What can I get you? asks the barman.

"Don't ask me." replies the Rabbit. "I'm only in this joke because of auto-correct."
 
Why did Melania insist on taking the top floor at Mar-a-Lago, rather than the bottom?

Though accustomed to life as a public figure, after four years she's tired of seeing the con descending stairs.
 
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