The giant space goat

[Underseer]

The universe was farted out of the butt of a giant space goat.

You want me to prove it? *gasp* How dare you? I am offended that you asked me to prove that my truth claim is true! Why can't you respect my beliefs? Why must you be so hateful and attack me so viciously? Why are you so angry?

Well, since you can't be civil, fine. I will offer you your stupid proof.

First, the universe is evidence of the giant space goat. The universe exists, therefore space goat.

Second, you can't explain why there is something rather than nothing, but I can, therefore giant space goat.

Third, you can't prove that a giant space goat didn't fart the universe into existence, therefore giant space goat.

Fourth, the reason you reject the giant space goat is that you have to want to find the giant space goat. You have to seek him with your heart, or you will never find him. Therefore, giant space goat.

Fifth, you can't possibly have purpose or meaning if you don't believe in the giant space goat, therefore giant space goat. Look, you can believe in the giant space goat or you can believe in nothing.

Sixth, if you don't believe in the giant space goat, you will have to eat boogers after you die. You don't want to eat boogers, do you? Look, I can't tell you what to believe. The choice is up to you. Just know that death is coming and that you don't want to eat boogers for eternity. Choose wisely!

Lastly, I have a personal relationship with the giant space goat and I have special feelings that let me know the giant space goat is real.

I bet you feel silly for following that false religion all these years. Aren't you glad that I shared with you the good news about the giant space goat?

 

[bigfield]

The truth is that I deny the giant space goat because I hate it.

 

[bilby]

The truth is that I deny the giant space goat because I hate it.

I deny it because I want to do things it has forbidden.

 

[LordKiran]

The truth is that I deny the giant space goat because I hate it.

I deny it because I want to do things it has forbidden.

I deny it because I wanted an excuse not to go to goat church when I was in the sixth grade and from there it evolved into a pathological need to be intellectually superior to my peers.

 

[bigfield]

I stopped believing in the giant space goat because I'm not a kid any more.

 

[bilby]

I stopped believing in the giant space goat because I'm not a kid any more.

Why are you so angry at the Giant Space Goat? If you would just open your heart to it, all your problems would be solved - with the Giant Space Goat, all things are possible.

 

[T.G.G. Moogly]

I've heart of Goat. He heads the Goat trinity consisting of Father Goat, Son of Goat (also known as Goat Boy) and Holy Goat.

Their first commandment is, "Don't be Baaaaaaaaaaaaad."

 

[Juma]

And in the communion we all raise the cup...

 

[Learner]

I've heart of Goat. He heads the Goat trinity consisting of Father Goat, Son of Goat (also known as Goat Boy) and Holy Goat.

Their first commandment is, "Don't be Baaaaaaaaaaaaad."

You are probably mistaken with Baphomet. The bible is with you. Beware of false Gods

 

[ideologyhunter]

I believe on the Giant Space Goat because I have seen it. And it's awesome. And -- you've seen goats on the farm, right? As it turned to leave, my friend nudged me and whispered, "Check out the BALLS on that thing!!" She, like me, was a true believer.

 

[Kharakov]

I don't know about that. It seems more likely that there was a weird superposition of states of consciousness and potential conscious experiences and stuff happened.

Whatever happened, I think you should worry about it inordinately, and donate money to fund purchase of the goatse.cx domain. I'll let you know where to send the bitcoin.

 

[Malintent]

anyone who claims they do not believe in the space goat is just lying. Everyone believes in the space goat in their hearts.

 

[bilby]

anyone who claims they do not believe in the space goat is just lying. Everyone believes in the space goat in their hearts.

Indeed.

The fool has said in his heart 'there is no goat'.

 

[bigfield]

Space Goat hath sealed their hearing and their hearts with curdled Space Goat Milk, and on their eyes there is a covering of curdled Space Goat Milk. Theirs will be an awful doom.

 

[funinspace]

Santo Cabrón

 

[Cheerful Charlie]

Is there a goat shaped hole in your heart?

Yes, it's goats all the way down.

 

[Underseer]

I've heart of Goat. He heads the Goat trinity consisting of Father Goat, Son of Goat (also known as Goat Boy) and Holy Goat.

Their first commandment is, "Don't be Baaaaaaaaaaaaad."

You are probably mistaken with Baphomet. The bible is with you. Beware of false Gods

You have to open your heart to the space goat before you examine the evidence, or else you'll never find the space goat!

Besides, how can the space goat be a false god after I proved the space goat seven different ways. Obviously, no amount of evidence will ever convince you. The fact that you deny the space goat proves that you secretly believe in the space goat, and that you are lying when you say that you don't believe in the space goat.

 

[Underseer]

anyone who claims they do not believe in the space goat is just lying. Everyone believes in the space goat in their hearts.

Indeed, we are all born with knowledge of the space goat in our hearts.

Look, here is proof that we are all born with knowledge of the space goat in our hearts:



There you go! Scientific proof! So you can no longer deny the space goat!

 

[Malintent]

Space Goat hath sealed their hearing and their hearts with curdled Space Goat Milk, and on their eyes there is a covering of curdled Space Goat Milk. Theirs will be an awful doom.

.. but a delicious cheese!

 

[atrib]

I've heart of Goat. He heads the Goat trinity consisting of Father Goat, Son of Goat (also known as Goat Boy) and Holy Goat.

Their first commandment is, "Don't be Baaaaaaaaaaaaad."

You are probably mistaken with Baphomet. The bible is with you. Beware of false Gods

They are all false gods. Not one of them has ever bothered to show up in person, nor has any human ever provided meaningful evidence to support their existence. If any of them do actually exist, they do not interact with our universe in any observable way, and can safely be ignored.